to ask dp to stay home from work today?

[skyeplusbump]

honestly have no idea anymore...36 weeks pregnant,screaming,tantruming 2 yr old,no sleep due to bh contractions and weird pregnancy nightmares...
asked dp to stay home today when i woke up at 6am,he would have been able to give 2 1/2hrs notice...he ignored me(just didnt say anything)and left for work like i hadnt said anything,when i called to ask him why,he said "i cant just call in sick whenever you feel a bit tired"
so now im sat here in tears trying to be a mother wondering how the hell im going to cope when there's two of them.
and i cant help wondering:
is he right?! aibu?!

no one used language as strong as 'well out of order' and the majority of posts have focussed on what the OP can do in order to get through the day. not to mention that the majority DO feel the Op is being unreasonable to ask her husband to take the day off becasue she feels as though she isnt coping.

it is extrodinary to me that her not coping is deemed 'par for the course' and her husbands disinterest raises so little comment.

i do actually think that the OP feeling downa nd overwhelmed is a 'good enough' reason for her husband to take a day off. i see that he may not have been able to for a variety of reasons, but NONE of those reasons should be becasue he thinks she 'should be able to cope' or is simply 'a little bit tired'.

i am simply pointing out that in this scenario, her husband IS at fault, and IS at the very least 50% responsible for his child (and one on the way) and should be 100% interested in his wife and how she feels.

My dh and I go through this sometimes.

Mainly because I believe if I have the status of the 'job' of SAHM with 2 year old and am heavily pg then other people SHOULD understand if I feel like I can't cope!

I know if I had slept, wasn't pg, and wasn't sincerely struggling then of course I wouldn't ask, but as soon as I do, I know it's out of the question. Which annoys me. Because I know although he is working hard, he will get the legal requirement of an hours break. Where he will get to eat food, relax, read a paper. Cat nap!

I have figured out some stuff though through my most struggly days...

1.Stock up on stuff for ds to do - i.e magazines with stickers, dvd's, new cheap toys (he likes to put things in things, so stuff like that is awesome!) and invent new 'games' where he sits in high chair and 'makes' his own sandwich (spreads bread with butter, puts cheese on bread - hey he can cook too, that's what cbeebies said), or 'helps' with polishing, hoovering etc. He loves it. I also find that hiding things and then asking him where they are is fun for about half an hour.

2.cbeebies website. Hours of watching iggle piggle dance.

1. Change toys around at night so it's all on rotation. He rediscovers toys, more time for me with feet up

1. Nemo, Cars, Toy Story....on a loop.

1. Music on and dancing. Ds is of the school of 'round and round'.

Good luck xxxx

Will she play in the bath?

It's a bit cold here for outside water play, but I could get hours of peace if I kept the water warm & didn't mind the mess, give her kitchen stuff, platic bottles, doll, shampoo - for you bathroom floor, comfy cushions and a cup of tea...

Are you learning to drive? (or are you not driving due to medical reasons?). I couldn't be at home with pre-schoolers and not drive... no way. You're a saint.

Maybe now is a good time to make her play by herself - be firm if you have to (it shouldn't be too hard in your state!!), she needs to learn to do it and better if she does before the baby comes so she doesn't 'blame' the baby!!

Just to say, hope you now putting your feet up, and your day was OK. Think we all understand how you feel and hope you have better day tomorrow x

YABU. Your DH ius right he can't call in sick and stay home form work every time you feel a bit tired. He would lose his job if he did. But he should have said this to you before he left and not just ignore you.
You will be able to cope with 2 children.

to take the day off sick would have been unreasonable as he's not sick.

However, to take a day unpaid, or if the company has a 'dependents' policy would have been ok.

Can I just offer some reassurance? Your age gap sounds similar to mine. My DS turned two about a month before DD turned up.

He went through a brief stage of waking early after the baby turned up, but only for a couple of weeks. After that, the baby dropped a night feed, he went back to sleeping till half 7, and I was averaging 6-8 hours of broken sleep a night.

She was fine during the day, he loved her, we would get out and about to soft play and visiting friends etc and all was well.

By 4 months old (her) he was great at entertaining her - as long as she was in the room he was, she was happy.

She is now 10 months. They are both in the garden. I can see and hear them, but I'm not having to get at all involved! I'm mumsnetting!

Its all good. Okay it might not go like that for you but why not?

He is BU for not even bothering to discuss this with you. Personally, my DH has taken time off if I'm not well enough to deal with the children or when I've reached end point due to lack of sleep. They are HIS children as well. His reasoning? He'd rather take one day off work as dependent leave today than end up missing an entire week next week when I have gone all week with no sleep, no rest, and getting more ill and end up either having a breakdown or end up in hospital from exhaustion. Obviously wouldn't ask him to call in saying HE's sick, but if he needs to, he has no problem calling work and saying he needs a day of dependent leave.

Is there any reason it has to be all or nothing on this? Could he have simply gone in to work maybe two hours late, and stayed home for those two hours, taking over the 2yo's care and allowing you to rest, destress, put your feet up and regroup temporarily? Sometimes it's just that small amount of a break (an hour or two) that allows you to refocus and pull yourself together. Then he could have gone in to work and finished his work day, and you would feel at least refreshed enough to get through the day better.

Things at the kitchen table eg. puzzles, shape sorters, scribbling on paper. Then you can sit next them and have a cuppa. Getting of the floor again is hard at this stage so we always used the table. Same when feeding the baby so they felt you were still playing with them.

Or lie on the sofa and hide a pile of animals behind you and they can guess which one you will pull out next. Thing like guessing games or games where they had to fetch things eg. for a doll's tea party on the sofa, worked when I was in the final stages of pregnancy with DS and had 2 DD's under 4 to entertain.

They feel like you are still plying but you exert minimum effort : )

thank you to everyone who has offered advice and reasurrance, i will refer to this thread often!!

dd and i played playdough outside,until it rained,then we went and she played in the bath for about an hr and a half!whilst i drank copious amounts of tea!
my dp came home,and i went to bed...he fed and bathed dd,so when i woke up we put her to bed together...lovely.
feeling much better now,early night though i think!
will use a few of the other brilliant suggestions tomorow...and forever after!
thanks again!