Or is he (actually HE IS)...

[femalevictormeldrew]

...I think

DH promised me 6 weeks ago that we could go away this weekend somewhere. Two nights in a caravan about 30 miles away. Not exactly Las Vegas but it is enough of a "holiday" to keep two children happy. So last night I brought the subject up (again as he has been avoiding it some what) and he informs me he is not going. He has been doing work on our house and wants to keep at it while the weather is good and while he has the time. I got quite angry (So far IABU). BUT (and this is the clincher) almost every weekend this summer he has had time for his hobby (he does first aid on a voluntary basis at concerts etc), which involved him going Fri, Sat and Sundays. Last weekend was a whole weekend, this weekend was to be ours away, and next weekend he has a show that they are doing first aid for (three days of it).

This is voluntary, unpaid work. The members can pick and choose what / where / if they do a duty. It is not mandatory for him to do any of it.

I do not have a problem with him doing any of this. But AIBU to think that if he can find time to go to these things, that he can fit his family into his busy schedule for two nights?

He thinks I am being very unreasonable and I think he is being a selfish asshole.

YANBU

Ummm - in what way exactly does he think you are unreasonable?!!!

Gobsmacked that he thinks he can go off to concerts every weekend under the guise of 'doing good' yet go back on his word to take you and the kids to a caravan for one weekend... gobsmacked.

Does he get in for free??
That seems an excellent way of getting to see loads of gigs!

Sorry. Yes he is being unreasonable.

I don't even understand why you think you were being unreasonable to get angry when he tells you he's not going? YANBU in any way. He's being incredibly selfish. And more importantly, apparently his order of priorities are: "first aid activities, fixing your house, you and your children".

I would consider this completely unacceptable because

1. He's not spending time with you and the children
2. He said he would do something and he's changing his mind unreasonably
3. He kept it secret and has only told you now, after you pushed him.

Usually, I'm the first one to say, "look at it from his perspective" but in this case, I think he's being a complete twat and you should make it clear to him you won't put up with this. Do you love him? Does he love you?

I'd take the children on holiday myself and leave him to do the DIY. Sounds like he'd be a miserable old git if you did force him into a caravan. The serious & more general point is whether he likes spending time with his family or whether he prefers his own company.... and if you go away for a while, maybe he'd like to think about that.

Tell him you will go the caravan on your own and he can have the children..He is the selfish one,he obviously prefares the concerts than time with you and the children.

II would have just packed the cases and said were off tomorrow,and then let him explain to the kids why your not going..complete rat..

Him. I'm amazed he can't find one measly weekend to take his family on a summer hol. I'd be fuming in your shoes.

Yes he does get in for free (but there is also a lot of boring stuff like horse shows and bike races etc so not all good).

Thank GOD you don't think it is me. I am very, Very annoyed with him at the moment. I couldn't even speak to him this morning I am so mad. I do love him, and him me, but I feel like he is being a real asshole doing this. I could go away alright, but when next weekend comes and he has a duty on, he would feel "justified" in going to it, seeing as I had been away. I would rather sit it out and when next weekend comes and he mentions going I will then break his neck sit him down and calmly talk to him. I have a feeling that this is going to be a week of him looking at picture and no sound.

He is being a selfish asshole. Tell him he needs to get his priorities right and if the DIY is that important he can do it next weekend instead of swanning off to a concert for three days and justifying it as voluntary work. I'd be tempted to tell him to stay away if he really can't see how unreasonable he's being.

YADNBU

I would be livid if DH did this to us. There's no reason he can't spend a weekend with his family!

YANBU x

No you aren't.

Definitely not BU!

"I could go away alright, but when next weekend comes and he has a duty on, he would feel "justified" in going to it, seeing as I had been away"

Similarly, since he's spent several weekends away you are 'justified' in going away by yourself. Sauce, goose, gander, etc. What happens the following weekend is that you have a discussion about whether him going to yet another weekend event is acceptable or not. BTW.. The silent treatment doesn't work on men. They're just grateful for a bit of peace and quiet.