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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not make DD1 phone her grandfather??

8 replies

macdoodle · 10/08/2010 22:39

long back story, split form nasty abusive XH 4 years ago, but ongoing problems and hassle from him and his family, culminating in his parents taking me to small claims court for money they had jointly given to me and XH :( I am still paying off his debts and supporting DD's, he pays no child support at all!

DD1 is nearly 9, and has had a good relationship with his parents, which I have facilitated until the court thing, and a few episodes of treating me like shit, and talking to DD1 about me :(

I don't prevent the relationship but I dont facilitate it either. XH has since gone back to working away and is often gone months at a time :) His parents live 5 mins away but as they wont talk to me, they dont see the DD's when he is away.

XH has left a message on the house answer phone and text me tonight, "ordering" me to get DD1 to phone his father tomorrow and wish him happy birthday. Not only do I not want to be ordered to do as he says, I really dont give a shit about them!

DD1 has also been told to phone his parents and arrange to go and see them, she is 8 FFS, if they want to see her and DD2 (who is 2 and a half), then they can bloody phone me and speak civilly to me, not arrange it through an 8yr old! FWIW they wont come and get them but will expect me to drop them off and collect them, but I am not allowed to approach the house, I have to hoot and wait for them, last time I politely rung the doorbell to collect my children, she slammed the door in my face Angry

OP posts:
wheresthedaygone · 10/08/2010 22:44

um no YANBU. Sounds like you're being really rather accommodating to me.

LucyLouLou · 10/08/2010 22:47

YADNBU. You have assholes for XILs. You sound lovely. Thank the Lord your DDs have you. How people can treat the mothers of their GCs like this, I do not know.

ColdComfortFarm · 10/08/2010 22:47

God no! Until they can treat you in a civil and respectful manner (which sounds like never, frankly) they can sod off and it's not your job to run around taking care of them. How dare they treat you like this!

NarkyPuffin · 10/08/2010 22:51

If they can't be civil to their GC's mother they don't get to see them unless your ex takes them around. It is damaging for children to see someone slamming a door in their mother's face. It is not practical to leave small children with people who won't talk to their sole guardian- if your ex is away working.

Delete the message.

macdoodle · 10/08/2010 22:57

oh thank you all, god I canot believe he still make me feel like I am the unreasonable one!
Posted in AIBU, because wanted straight talking.
They blame me for their sons behaviour, I guess its the only way they can justify it.

It does make me sad as I felt I had a good relationship with them, its like they have just rubbed me out and replaced me with the OW. But more than that they have treated me very badly, and I really am not a bad person, I have never done anything to hurth them.

OP posts:
MrsIndianaJones2 · 10/08/2010 23:03

YADDDDNBU - I'd stop them seeing DDs until they learn how to behave - you don't want your DDs to learn this kind of behaviour from them. Tell them/XH that until you can be sure they aren't a bad influence, you aren't willing for there to be ANY contact. They are the bad people, not you.

I say keep the message though. Just in case (sorry - if he's abusive, you have to cover your ass).

LucyLouLou · 10/08/2010 23:04

You sound like a genuinely sweet person who has basically been abused by these vile people. I really wouldn't make your DD call. Try not to worry too much, you're not to blame for any of this.

ColdComfortFarm · 11/08/2010 20:58

you are so, so not being unreasonable. Feck 'em. They need, as someone said, to learn how to behave. And your ex is not the boss of you. You are the good guy.

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