To suspect he's on the verge of an affair?

[LinaLamont]

DH has posted a link to a song on Facebook about resisting an affair. We're not friends on Facebook but a friend told me about it so she obviously thought I should know! I feel really down. I've been playing the song over and over and think I now need to get a grip...so please be honest.

The lyrics are:
My eyes are telling me leave well enough alone, my feet are telling me keep walking, another voice is saying don't let go but that's just my heart talking....etc
There is someone he flirts with at work although I thought it was harmless. He's not a particular music lover and doesn't regularly post on facebook although he is friends with the woman at work. What do you think? Am I just being silly?

Just wanted to add that IME men are usually hopeless at actually listening to the lyrics of songs and/or "getting" their emotional vibe.

Can't think of any examples right now but my DH has commented to me in the past that he thought a particular song (it was a James Blunt one, can't think which one) was happy which was in fact really depressing when you listened to the lyrics etc.

So it may be that it hasn't even occurred to him what this song is actually about.

The texting is a different matter, however.

Trying to please your husband, by denying yourself food, as a direct result of his infidelity and in an attempt to keep him faithful is what we're talking about here, proudnsad. But do feel free to bash down that straw argument, it looks terribly impressive to spectators.

Thank you. I think things are a bit clearer. To everyone who's asked why I don't just ask him or add him a facebok friend...I want to be absolutely sure that my concerns aren't actually something fed by my insecurities. Before I change my behaviour or start to properly worry, I wanted to chat about it with people who don't know me! I do need to lost some weight. B
Jacksmybaby - you really made me realise something. I'd agree with you about a lot of men, but my DH is a writer so I think the lyrics are absolutely something he'd appreciate the meaning of.

I just don't know what to do now. I'm hoping that he's flattered by the attention and has a harmless crush but nothing has happened. I'm not sure my insecurities could deal with any more.

Not impressed with the way your DH is behaving. I would be really hurt and angry. It's not your fault OP.

You need to pop his bubble. I sounds like he's in his own little romantic fantasy, where he's attracted to someone, but he's convinced himself that the flirting is okay because he's going to be strong and resist. He's probably convinced himself that it's okay to push the boundaries and send flirty texts, because he's not intending to have a full-blown affair.

But the longer he stays in the flirtzone, the more those boundaries get pushed and the more likely that he'll do something he really regrets.

So pop his bubble. Maybe don't mention about the texts, but tell him that you know about the song link, and impress on him that you only know about it because a friend felt you needed to be told so, even if there's nothing in it, it's still very embarassing for you. Tell him you know he flirts with this woman and you need it to stop. A good fresh blast of reality intruding on his daydreams will probably be enough to nip it in the bud

If he used FB then I think that you should and should make him your friend. I have been thinking about this after my dh did not text me about something. His excuse was that he never sends texts (true) but it made me realise that if you are used to one method of communication and your OH refuses to communicat ein this way then you do end up cutting them out of part of your life. If he is an active FB user then FB will be par tof his social life so not using FB adn not beign his friend means that you are not part of this world - in som ecases this is fine (eg lads nights out down the pub watching football) but in other cases - say if the environment is mixed sex - then it is less alright and FB is like this. By not being his friend dependin gon how much he uses it, it is a bit like saying that you will not go down the pubwith him when it is a mixed group that he is goign with - it means that you are not part of a his social life in a situation where other women are.

That's a really interesting point whatkaty.

I do agree with you whatkaty but he doesn't use Facebook very often. I've now had a good look on his page and he posts things maybe every week or two. However, what he posts tend to be significant things such as links to articles or messages to old friends which makes me think the song is significant too. I don't know what to do. Tempted to do nothing and hope it's just harmless flirting.

I like the advice about making a facebook page and posting loving pics of you and your husband. You may have a bit more of you to love, but go get some sexy stuff and seduce him like mad. Plant a lacy thong in his briefcase and stuff like that! Can't hurt.

Flirting is rarely harmless, when texts about birthday kisses are being sent.

For God's sake woman, open your eys and nip it in the bud. As someone suggested, mention the song and the fact that someone pointed it out to you for a reason.

You may think she is way out of his league, but you never know the type people go for.

It's crap having to rock the boat, but would you rather be one here in 6 months telling us about an afair that you may have been able to stop with a frank discussion.