re. SAHM/WOHM debates

[undercovamutha]

To wish that there would sometimes be some recognition that there is a middle ground between mothers parents who work 50 hours a week, and those who SAH.

WOHM could include anyone on a spectrum from working a couple of hours a week in the local shop, to working 50-60 hours a week in the City.

AIBU to think that the term WOHM, in the context of the kind of debates we have on MN, and in the media, is therefore a bit of a silly 'capture all' term.

"If you are truly at peace with your choices, you don't get into slanging matches. Those 'arguments' are laced with bitterness, insecurity, lack of confidence"
agree with proudandsad
I choose to work p/t. I am happy with my choice. I don't get the vitriol thta goes on. flies over my head, just don't get it.

I am happy with my choices within the options that were available to me at the time. Dykwim!? If I could earn 45k a year, my choices would have been different, but then, maybe not as my son turned out to have some special needs and I wanted to make sure he was getting the most out of various apts..

I am comfortable I made the right choice but I wish I'd had more options. Also, it does hurt when somebody says, sahm must be a bit thick (or some comment along those lines).

I think it's awful, Valium, when people say that SAH mums are 'thick' (or whatever along similar lines) as there are as many reasons to stay at home as there are mothers. All this name-calling & stereotyping should be shown for the ridiculous thing it is.

I think we all have the right to choose but feel it is sad as many mums don't have a realistic choice. They either have to work for financial reasons or have to stay at home as they can't find a child friendly job. Very few mums I know feel they have the balance they would ideally choose. Can't we put our efforts into fighting for a real choice rather than who has it harder etc.

Agree with Kew, mostly its an arrangement pertaining to necessity and choice. The more "choice" you have, chances are the more happy you are with your situation.

My sister stayed at home till her youngest child was at school. I went back to work for three days a week in my old job six months after my first child was born.

Both those situations arose because we were lucky enough to have a choice.

I would never dream of deriding someone else's choice, whether it to be working 50 hours a week or not working at all.

If it's necessity that drives the decision, whether that be staying at home with an SN child or fear of falling off your career ladder - then that's a whole new ball game, and again, one which you can do without people having a dig at you.

People are far too fond of interfering. Mostly we're just a bunch of women doing our best.

"Can't we put our efforts into fighting for a real choice rather than who has it harder."

Hear hear.

That "why are you a SAHM" thread began a number of women saying they had been unable to stay in their job (made redundant/ not offered part time etc).

To me, that was the really interesting part and the bit that needs addressing.

Unfortunately it then descended into SAHM vs WOHM as per usual.

valium, who says sahm's are thick ?
someone said that on a thread ?
and this bothers you ? such nonsense. why would such drivel upset you.

what about parents who both work part time and share the care?

or is there a view (I think Oliver James holds this opinion) that a PT/SAHD is down a rung from SAHM?

I work three days, husband works 2 nights, that way we both keep our hands in. Child happy (at zoo with father as we speak), father happy as gets the chance to spend days with his daughter and I'm happy as I get some respite and a chance to do a job I love (we're both journalists)

the only people who aren't totally over the moon are our employers, but tough cheese, they've talked the talk about flexible working, now they are walking the walk.

Like Oblomov says, I just don't get the vitriol.

I was ready to be a SAHM if I couldn't work out flexible working though. So I can see all sides really.

(Can I just say 'Notwavingjustironing' is poss my favourite MN name ever)

gosh thanks

(and it bothers me that I should really have had notwavingbutironing - pedant that I am, but it's too late now....)

God sorry did I accidently kill the thread? Quick, come and tell me what a heathen evil mother I am for working three days - and an evil heathen mother for staying at home two days

Oh yes, should've been 'but' not 'just'. Nah, gone off it now. I'd namechange if I were you.

oblomov, people who like to argue on pointless internet argument threads!

In real life, I have friends who work and it never seems to be a problem. There is no gaping chasm between us when we get together.

I guess the comments of strangers are momentarily exasperating, but not that upsetting.

Sweeping generalisations on either side are totally unhelpful and short-sighted.

For all the F/T WOHM I know who adore their jobs and wanted to get back onto the career ladder, I know F/T WOHMs who didn't want to return to work at all but had no choice as they were the main breadwinner or a single parent.

And for all the SAHMs I know who didn't have much of a career in the first place and were very happy to immerse themselves in motherhood, I know SAHMs who have (permanently) abandoned their dazzling careers at the age of 40-odd in order to bring up their children as they felt it was the best choice for them.

SO many shades of grey!