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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how I'm supposed to handle a mil food sell by date issue....

64 replies

MilaMae · 10/08/2010 18:10

without
a) seriously pissing off said mil
b) making my dfamily ill

Just been for a weekend at mil's.Dp and I were both concerned as a hell of a lot of food out of sell by date kept getting served up-repeatedly. Now I'm no fuss pot and fruit/veg I have no problem with (although 3 day old furry melon is hard to get down) but cream,deli products, baked goods etc 3 or 4 days past concern me, especially as these were the only dates we could see. Very concerned re meat,shellfish and eggs,I had my suspicions but couldn't rifle through bins for packaging.

Also I got halfway through some sausagemeat to find it pink inside,decidedly nervous as to wether it was in date pre-cooking.

I felt queasy the whole time and dp,ds and I had the runs. Dd and the other ds didn't.

As far as I can see I'm in a no win situation.If I say anything there will be one almighty damaging upset, if I don't one of us is going to get really ill.

Interestingly mil used to warn us re the same subject when we used to visit her mother. Money definitely isn't a factor.

Has anybody else had to handle this?

OP posts:
Minshu · 10/08/2010 18:12

DP should politely ask about her eyesight?

Morloth · 10/08/2010 18:15

Sell by is a bit of a con, use by is more important.

However, I tend to ignore both and go for the sniff test. Cream/meat etc let you know pretty quickly if they are dodgy.

I wouldn't have eaten pink sausages whether they were in date or not.

Hassled · 10/08/2010 18:15

Stay for shorter periods, and build in one takeaway, one meal out and one meal when you or DP insist on doing the cooking? Arrive fresh from the local supermarket brandishing shopping? If you really don't want to confront her (and that's really your DP's job, not yours), then that's all you can do.

Original poster
MilaMae · 10/08/2010 18:15

This is exactly what I suggested as I think any comment from me would cause untold friction(there are a few issues).

Dp is a bit of a chicken though and just avoided all the foods with the dates he could see,I did point out the dc being only 6 and 5 might find that a tad tricky.

OP posts:
Original poster
MilaMae · 10/08/2010 18:16

Sorry it was use by,I tend to use the term as a blanket term.

Sell by I can live with(and do).

OP posts:
Morloth · 10/08/2010 18:18

Also depends on how far out of date you are talking about and how things have been stored. My cream in the fridge was use by 8/8 but it still smells fine so will use it for the next couple of days. Wouldn't be so keen in a couple of weeks.

I have meat in the freezer that is a couple of months out of date but I put it in there asap on purchasing it so will use it at some point (assuming it passes the sniff test once defrosted).

frogetyfrog · 10/08/2010 18:19

I have this issue with my dm. I actively get involved in preparing the food with her. Meat, fish eggs dont worry me as they can often go well past their use by dates - shops are very cautious with these products but it is obvious when they are off as will stink! Also as long as well cooked shouldnt be too much of an issue if very mildly off - in fact some meat is better well hung (and stinky!). Shell fish would worry me so I would say something about that - if you just say something about the most important items then it wont look so bad or cause offence.

However I do struggle with the yoghurts, cream, etc side of things and I just get more involved in these! Baked goods like cakes and biscuits dont worry me as they simply go stale (unless got cream in etc).

It goes back to before we were all so paranoid about use by dates - in my dm generation they used common sense and smell rather than a date on a package. She will use dried up rank looking fruit from the fruit bowl and use it in a fruit salad with orange juice so it re-inflates!! Works and tastes lovely.

Original poster
MilaMae · 10/08/2010 18:19

We live miles away though and re the shopping she'd be insulted(don't even go there) and not sure she'd even use it.

Ok will have to get tough with dp otherwise we'll have to limit visits which would be a shame for the dc.

So the general consensus then is I'm not being precious?????

OP posts:
lal123 · 10/08/2010 18:20

My MIL totally ignores sell by/use by dates too. She religiously goes shopping on a thursday, and always picks up something stickered for pudding.... yummmmmmmmmmmmm

Morloth · 10/08/2010 18:21

If, as you say you have actually gotten sick then YANBU.

But if you just don't like the idea and you have been eating there with no ill effects YABU.

lal123 · 10/08/2010 18:21

She's also got this weird thing about defrosting everything before cooking it - even stuff that's meant to be cooked from frozen??

Morloth · 10/08/2010 18:22

LOL my Mum does that lal123, she just can't believe that you take something out of the freezer and put it in the oven. Doesn't seem to make that much difference though.

frogetyfrog · 10/08/2010 18:23

ps. I regularly use things past use by date - sometimes by days. I used to work in the industry and know that it is fine!!! I dont go by use bys so that says it all! Common sense and smell is far more important.

Your dodgy tummys may be caused by a bug - most suspected food poisoning actually isnt - once tested turns out to be a bug. Real food poisoning is often violent sickness or diarreah (never have been able to spell it!) - you would know if you had it!.

frogetyfrog · 10/08/2010 18:25

I think you are being a little precious to be honest. Sorry but just because something is past its use by doesnt mean it isnt fit to be eaten.

Mowgli1970 · 10/08/2010 18:26

My Mum does this too. She took a gammon joint out of the freezer and bunged it in the oven, she cooks a chicken, leaves it in the oven and then re-heats it for tea later, she microwaves things until they're luke warm as she says she doesn't want to burn dc's mouths. Shock She re-heated fish and chips from the fish shop until luke warm... I could go on!

frankie3 · 10/08/2010 18:26

If you arrive at my MIL in the morning, all the food for that night's dinner is already prepared and out on the worktop, even meat, fish etc, often uncovered.

When I used to stay with her when my DS was a baby and I was more paranoid I used to secretly clean her fridge while she was out!

atswimtwolengths · 10/08/2010 18:29

Why are they out of date? Is she buying them and holding onto them for several days? Is she freezing them so that when they are used they appear to be out of date? Does she go to the sort of shops that sells out of date food cheaply?

Original poster
MilaMae · 10/08/2010 18:30

Sorry frogety to be gross but.....it did come on quick at a very similar time and ds pooed his pants Sad(has never happened before)no other symptoms other than tummyache,then it vanished.

Mil wouldn't do the smell test,she has this obsession about every last scrap getting used up. She'll continually bring things out until they've gone regardless.

She prepares way too much food and tries to bully everybody into becoming dustbins so things don't get thrown away. She tried to make dp eat half a lasagna as second helpings after roast chicken,he had to get quite shirty with her.

OP posts:
lal123 · 10/08/2010 18:31

sorry - but it DOES make a difference!

She'll also cook stuff for EXACTLY the time it says on the packet - it comes out of the oven irrespective of whether or not its cooked. Now this probably wouldn't be a problem if she ever preheated the oven. She's CRAP at making gravy - but thinks that everything should come with gravy. She will often be found wondering why her gravy hasn't thickened - hmmm maybe because gravy needs to be more than just water with a stock cube and a couple of bits of pepper swimming in it?

We'll often ask her "What is this?" and she'll reply "I don't know, I just put a jar of sauce into it to make it taste more" - clue being taste MORE, rather than taste better.

Don't get me wrong, I love my MIL to death, she makes wonderful soup, and we go to her house every Saturday for tea - so it can't be that bad really.

Original poster
MilaMae · 10/08/2010 18:31

Mowgli and Frankie we have a similar situation re leaving out and re-heating.

OP posts:
mitochondria · 10/08/2010 18:34

We just had a week at in-laws. I'm afraid I went through the fridge and chucked stuff out.

There was ham a month past its use-by. Yoghurts, ditto.

We were offered olives - which were furry.

And they don't wrap anything - lumps of cheese just go in the fridge, so it goes all hard.
We had roast chicken, the carcass just went in the fridge on a plate.

They don't mind if I throw stuff out, though. They aren't frugal, just absent-minded.

lal123 · 10/08/2010 18:34

Re leftovers - If MIL is at our house all leftovers have to go in the fridge til she leaves and then we can bin them if necessary

frogetyfrog · 10/08/2010 18:35

Oh well then Milamae - perhaps she is worse than normal~!!!

I would do what I do and pick the things that could really hurt you - shellfish, rice etc - and be tactfully honest about those. Or make up some food intolerance and talk to her about how you need things cooked when having rice or shellfish!

Ignore and eat all those that wont hurt you if well cooked which at the end of the day is most other foods.

I actually do agree with the mentality of using everything up and am trying to copy my dm attitude by finding a use for most things even if past their best. It is admirable really.

frogetyfrog · 10/08/2010 18:37

But Lal - why wouldnt you want to use up leftovers (presume they are not off peoples plates!)?

Good site - Love Food, hate Waste.

mitochondria · 10/08/2010 18:40

My lot are wasteful, though. They don't meal plan, so buy stuff which sits in the fridge and never gets used - a lot of the things I chucked were unopened.

I plan meals, so rarely have leftovers - unless I've done it on purpose for the next meal.

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