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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go there on holiday?

12 replies

shell96 · 10/08/2010 13:01

DP and I are planning a holiday with our DS this autumn. We usually go abroad but are staying in the UK this year as we are expecting DC2 at christmas and trying to spend less.

We are planning a cheap caravan break (eg. sun token deals) in Scotland combined with a few nights in Dublin using our Tesco clubcard vouchers. DP has suggested using the caravan park that he and his ex used to take their kids to for family holidays every year. I'm not very comfortable with this although I really have no reason for feeling like this. We could go to any caravan site in the deal but this particular one is also useful in terms of location for getting the ferry to Ireland.

I am just being silly amn't I?! I'm sure it would be fine when we get there. Just would hate any comparisons, eg. if he started telling what they used to do while they were there, etc.

OP posts:

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 10/08/2010 13:03

YABU

If you're confident in the strength of your relationship with him, why would him talking about his past upset you? It was part of his life, and still is as they have children. You need to accept that and be secure in the knowledge that, while that was then, this is now.

BuntyPenfold · 10/08/2010 13:05

For me that would eliminate Italy, France, many Greek Islands, Turkish Coast, Wales, erm, Australia etc.

mumbar · 10/08/2010 13:11

yes YABU but you know that and are being mature about it and it's probably best to get your hormones out on here than upset dp!!!

It's never gonna be comfortable doing with him whet he did with someone else but at least he'll have the knowledge of the best things to entertain ds!! Congratulations on being pg with dc2 btw.

rewardgirl · 10/08/2010 13:13

I understand this one. I've just asked my DP to sell the tent that he bought when he was with his exW that they used for holidays. Just feels wierd and I want something that's OURS and not THEIRS.
I agree with you - find somewhere that is new to you, and not a remnant of their relationship....

MathsMadMummy · 10/08/2010 13:18

hmm, bit of both.

YWBU to rule it out straight away, as it is in the past. and it sounds like a good location etc.

but YANBU to feel weird about it, I'm a stepmum and I know what it's like to feel upset about doing something that DH had already done before in his previous life IYSWIM.

one thing that you may need to think about is how his children would feel about it. that, IMO, is far more important than your feelings. will they be upset if Dad takes his new partner and son to this special campsite, but not them?

either way, in time these feelings will go. they have for me :)

werewolf · 10/08/2010 13:19

YANBU to feel a little uncomfortable about it and, it is only a suggestion from dp.

Would he be just as happy with a different decent site that's also reasonably convenient for the ferry?

cupcakesandbunting · 10/08/2010 13:19

DH and I love a good weekend in a certain little Welsh village, despite the fact that my ex and I used to use it as a rendezvous for dirty weekends. I honestly never think about the ex whilst I'm there, or that might be weird.

If you are sure he is suggesting it because it's handy/cheap/nice then just go with it. If you think he's going to reminisce about that time they played Scrabble in their caravan, then find somewhere else!

skidoodly · 10/08/2010 13:23

YABU

If this is a nice campsite in a convenient location, wouldn't it be making the whole thing into a bigger deal to avoid it just so he wouldn't be reminded of his ex?

Surely the very fact of avoiding it will be a reminder anyway?

I don't know, I think you need to be beyond the point of caring about comparisons with exes before you are really comfortable and happy with someone.

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/08/2010 15:19

I do know what you mean.

It seems irrational but you can't help those feelings.

Original poster

shell96 · 10/08/2010 16:26

Thanks for all responses - very mixed opinions on this. I dont expect DP to be reminiscing about past holidays (they only went there because his ex was frightened of flying) and he would prefer to be going abroad as much as me. I suppose I am being unreasonable to expect him not to talk about what he did in the past with his kids (ok, no suppose about it - of course I am!) but still feel a bit odd about going there.

If there are no other sites that are handy for the ferry then I guess we'll probably just give it a go. It is only for a few nights so if I find I'm miserable at least it wont be for long.

Just waiting for DC2 to be born so we can jet away somewhere hot and sunny next year Or maybe the weather in this country will surprise me...

OP posts:

Squitten · 10/08/2010 16:40

I sympathise. I feel the same way about Malta. DH cheated on me right back at the beginning of our relationship and went on a trip with a girl there. It's always been a bit tainted in my mind since then.

However, my uncle comes from Malta and they are always saying how nice it is as a holiday spot, etc, and I would quite like to go there. DS1 is 23mths and a handful travelling so we won't be going any time soon (DS2 due in Dec) but I've decided that actually, now that I can look back on that episode with some perspective, the best thing for me to do is to replace that horrible memory with a brilliant family one instead

laquitar · 10/08/2010 16:43

I too know what you mean. Sometimes i have similar thoughts, i cant help it .

My dh said to me 'well, you had past too, didn't you? Everybody above 18 has past' . I know he is right.
What makes it more for me is that we 've met in our late '30s, so of course we both had exs .

Anyway, you know she is ex for a reason and he is with you because he wants to be with you, don't you?

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