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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry that my DS has no friends when he is only 3?

31 replies

cupcakesandbunting · 10/08/2010 12:48

Go easy on me, I'm feeling a bit emotional about this today...

DS is three and an only child. Before the six weeks holidays started he was going to playgroup twice a week and will be going to pre-school five mornings a week from September. He's really sociable, kind and funny and has one good little friend at playgroup but we haven't seen him since the holidays began, depsite my invitations for him to come and play with DS. I've tried not to take it personally because I know his mum has lots of friends with LOs already so he has mates of his own.

None of my friends have children so I don't seem to have a ready-made social circle of LOs like a lot of parents seem to. I've taken DS to the park/soft play etc since the holidays started and it breaks my heart that he seems to be the only one there alone. He tries to join in a group but gets shunted away most of the time. I'm not one of these mums who thinks "MY child is lovely, why won't they play with him" when really he's a little horror, but honestly, he's a gorgeous little boy. I feel like he should have lots of little friends. I find it easy talking to mums outside playgroup but rellay hard to make proper friendships. People seem to have their groups and they stick to them and that's fine. I don'tmind about me, just wish that DS had a couple of LOs to run about with. :(

AIBU to worry about this at such a young age? Sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
moomaa · 10/08/2010 14:20

My observation of 3 year olds is that they will just play with whoever is there, they are only starting to develop preferences for some people, so I wouldn't worry, especially with preschool starting.

It does seem that where 3 year olds do have a best friend it is really the mums who are friends.

Rocklover · 10/08/2010 15:06

My dd is 5 and hasn't got friends yet. We have just moved and so she has had to change school, I am going to try and get to know some other mums so that she can start having children over to tea etc, but I am not worrying excessively.

IME, since dd has started school the kids with firm friends seem to be those whose parents know the other parents really well.

diddl · 10/08/2010 15:46

Mine never really had their "own" friends until they went to Kindergarten.

Before then it was the children of people I was friends with iyswim.

cupcakesandbunting · 10/08/2010 18:43

Thank you everyone for your advice. I feel better knowing that it's not just DS that hasn't made friends yet!

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 10/08/2010 18:54

CC&B it's not just your DS. My friends DS really didn't have any friends in particular, he was OK about going to playschool but not terribly fussed... then this last 2 terms this other little boy and FDS have been inseparable - they 'love' each other, it's very cute :) He's got plenty of time to make friends...

However, I'm sure if you start another thread along the lines of..

'Anyone want to meet up in xxxx sometime this week?'

You'll have lots of replies :)

LittleMissHissyFit · 10/08/2010 19:42

cupcake, my DS and I were abroad until he was 3.5. I had 1 friend with a DS 18m younger than my DS and we saw each other only a couple of times a month if we were lucky.

I never, ever went out, I knew no-one except my friend, and socialising with the locals always literally ended in disaster in the whole 3 years I was there, so I'd long given up.

DS had no idea of how it was to have friends, play, run about, anything. I felt so guilty, but literally had no other option than to wait it out until I could come home to a normal lifestyle.

DS started nursery 3 mornings a week when he was 3.5, to begin with he just did his own thing, but within a couple of months we started to hear certain names more than others. I initially worried my DS would have problems making friends, far from it, he loves his school friends and they all adore him.

Now he has made firm and deep friendships with a couple of his school friends. We all did a meet up yesterday, it was brilliant.

The making friends thing doesn't often start till the 3-4 year. DS will be 5 yo this year, and leaves to go to Reception. he won't know anyone there when he goes, but I'm not worried about him making friends at school, he has his Nursery Friends to see outside school and will soon make Reception Class friends.

Birthday parties are great to get an idea of who they interact with mostly. Give it time, it'll be OK!

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