not aibu but wwyd - godparents

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not sure what to do and would love some sensible MN advice please.
DD christening in a few months. DP has asked if i mind having BIL as GP. i not keen as though he is christian he is also alcoholic with serious psychological problems. not someone i feel would be able to be a positive or stable influence in the life of DD.
DP has no other relatives to ask. he says it is ultimately my decision but i know he would like to ask him.
what should i do?

I don't ask blood relatives to be godparents unless in extremis
being an auntie / uncle should be enough for a decent bond imo

ask a friend

Godparents do not need to be relatives - my DH is Godparent to two of his friends children as they prefered the idea of a non-related person being brought in! Do your DP have any closer friends (best man??) or anyone else that he could ask?

Who are the other Godparents? If they are non-family, it would be quite easy to get away with not having BIL as you could say you wanted to have non-relatives. If I was you, I would not have BIL for all the reasons you stated. Him being a Christian does not excuse the other stuff. Is there someone else your DH is close to that he could reasonably ask?

there isnt anyone else DP wants to ask. and i do want a family member as one of 'my' choices.

Who would you ask if not BIL?

God parents are a name only thing,how many of you really are close to godparents now? Have him as a gp but tell him he must behave at christening and no drunken antics.

All my Godparents are dead now or I would be close to them. It means more than a name to some people, including in my family. In your position, OP, I would be inclined to say no to BIL, but I suppose it does depend how important the Christening is to you and what you expect from the Godparents.

two of my godparents have utterly disappeared and the other one is lovely but is no closer to me than any of my mum's other friends who've known me since I was tiny.

We chose spiritual guardians friends (not family, I agree that blood relatives already therefore have a bond) who we wanted to show our thanks and appreciation to and who we hope will be in our and our children's lives for a long time to come...another reason for choosing friends.

Your BIL might not end up being hugely involved in your children's lives, but as he's their uncle already I don't think being a godparent would make difference to this or not

If it is important to you that you have a 'good' GP then I would tell your DP that you don't want BIL.

Ask some friends instead.

We have guardians named in a will which DS will go to if anything happens to us. None of them are in DH's family but all from mine. They were the more logical choice at the end of the day.

we have 4 kids and we actually had 4 godparents for the last 2 ,mainly to include various folk.I have found that about a third to a half only send cards now or make any effort.this does not bother me mostly,as ther are many other people in their lives.in 5 or ten years you may find that you no longer see the friends that are godparents.my feeling is that if it is important to your husband then you should let him choose his brother,as he may

We chose family as friends can disappear.

feel resentful in future.he does not need to really have any influence in future if you dont want to.one of my brothers chose my other brother(a complete waster!) he reasoned that he would likely not ever get the chance again,and wanted to feel included which i thought was kind.he doesnt bother with child anyway which suits them!.you could have 2 that you really want then add him on.no harm done

i would talk to your partner about what he feels BIL could offer. and point out why you feel he wouldn't be a stable influence on her
it doesn't have to be family. it could be a close friend of his... he must know someone else who is actually suitable?