To think that 13/14 year olds shouldn't be having 'adult' relationships?

[Cortina]

Not sure how best to word this but I have to admit to being shocked to see it's considered normal by some for 13/14/15 year old girls to have sexual relationships with boys?

Have attitudes really shifted so much in recent years? Some lovely and well educated Mums I know are very relaxed about this and say that most girls- this young - do it anyway so they are happy to help dispense contraception and advice etc.

It seems that young girls are under increasing pressure to get into these relationships very young to fit in and appear cool/adult etc. I was surprised that many adults I know seem to condone this and think it's increasingly inevitable.

and I had sex at 14 onwards because I was turned on by the bloke who I was with, and I found it enjoyable. Not because I was pressured into it (I think that no 2 was a virgin, and no 3 (ex-H) had only had 1 other partner).

thing is how do you move onto sex so early, I can only think you weren't supervised enough before hand.

It's not that abnormal really. It shouldn't be about age, anyway, but about being ready.

Its nothing new ...I'm 51 and some of my school friends were sexually active at 14/15

Encouraged to hear it's nothing new but that isn't what I'm beginning to see around me. Something seems to have changed.

When I was at school only a few of us had sex at 14, I don't think any before then. Looking at my wider group of friends this was true more broadly.

Our parents were from all class backgrounds as were we. When we did have boyfriends, usually much later, we lived in fear of our parents. They would have half killed us if they found out we were having sex. Ok, this was probably a bit Victorian but fear and maybe a sort of respect for them and their values kept us from experimenting too soon. Looking back I am grateful in a way. It stopped me from experimenting before I was emotionally ready to do so. Perhaps there was some sort of religious fear or influence I am not sure?

Now I am a parent myself and many I know with older children are perfectly ok with their still young children having sex. They see it as inevitable and no big deal really. That's the change. I've been to parties where the girl is in bed with her boyfriend and her Mum will come into her room and say hi etc. We'd have leapt up in horror have blushed and apologised.

supervised?
Where I lived most 11/12yo were out in the early evening. At 14y I would be getting the bus with friends to the next town to go to the cinema for the evening. And opportunities - well, my parents went out sometimes. 2nd boyfriend had a car, etc
I don't think my upbringing was overly rough - I certainly went to school with people who had a lot lot lot less interest and care from their parents than I did.

Cortina, if my Mum had walked in and found me in bed with my boyfriend, I would have emigrated out of embarrassment!

I do think if my dd was in a relationship I would talk with her about sex and the emotional side of relationships. If she couldn't be persuaded to wait, then I would help her out with contraception and allow her to sleep with her boyfriend at home, but on the understanding that I disapproved but wouldn't want her healthy or safety to be compromised.

Sadly parents who show are a lack of interest/care in their children are in every social class.

In regards to the orginal post this isn't new, some of my friends were playing spin the bottle with sexual favours as the prize ie BJs during the summer between primary school and secondary.
The same friends went on to begin having sex not long after (personally never understood and was corrected after going on a rant with our new secondary school friends that my friend wouldn never be such a sl*t etc etc before being informed I was wrong )

Ironically the girls had mature parents (in their late 40's / 50's when they were 10/11) who had informed their children and me and our friends as they weren't embarrased about explaining (unlike my mum, she was happy that I my friends mum could answer questions so she didn't have to).

They did what they thought was reasonable parenting not leaving them alone at home etc prob didn't expect their 11 year old to be having sex in her bedroom whilst both her and his parents were downstairs in the lounge.
I hate that I know what some children do at that age which means for my children and my little sister, lots of info on sex, relationships and contraception (my sister finds me highly embarrassing but I want her know the facts esp as my mum is still embarrassed dispite now being a mature parent) as I'd rather she knows the facts esp STD 's and be able to ask questions without always having the distractions of classmates laughing and being uncomfortable in PSE lessons.

I don't think 13 and 14 year-olds are having 'relationships', adult or otherwise. They're having casual sex, which is quite a different thing. Some (I'm reliably informed) even treat it as a competitive sport - as in, who can 'cop off with' the most people at a party. This applies to boys and girls alike and is certainly a different attitude to the past.

I think that treating it as inevitable is just giving in, frankly. If we think that all we need do is educate our kids about STDs and arm them with contraception we're missing the point. What price self-respect?

I would be mortified if I discovred my 14 yo DD was having casual sex

my God, she doesn't even know how to make a cup of tea properly !

I had a really strict upbringing. Yes girls and boys had "boyfriends" in their teens, but were only allowed to see them supervised and nothing happened beyond a kiss.

I didn't even kiss a boy until I was 16 and I was not alone. Nobody had underage sex at all, but there just were not the opportunities there.

(I am from a different country).

Maybe because of my background I am dreading my children being teenagers, as I know I will be really strict and inclined to follow my own upbringing. I am worried though that this will make my kids resent me. Hopefully they will not WANT to have sex that young, but I doubt that will be the case from what I've read so far!!!!

(Weirdly, I don't remember wanting to have sex aged 13-14. I used to fantasise about boys but I would have died of embarassment and horror if anyone would have come close).

my two best friends lost thier virginity at 13. i had mine stolen lost at 15.

at the time we thought we were all grown up. now it terrifies us and the more i think about the more i think nun is viable career choice for my ddd

One of the girls in my classs had sex just before she was 16. her bf was older. and we had all discussed the progress of her relationship. we were all intrigued and wanted to know all the details.

It is a shame that girls (and boys) are starting so young. When I was at school there were a few girls and boys that were see as 'super cool' because they had been going out for a few months, were having sex and spent lunchtimes permanently attached to each others faces.

I waited until I was 17 and that was with my now DH. I'm glad I did, but it doesn't always happen that way. My Mum made sure I knew about it all from the age of about 13, and then talked about contraception when I was about 15. And to be honest I was never interested. But then I wasn't in the 'cool' crowd.

I'm not a parent but I think that all you can do, is make sure that the teen is informed about everything, and not just the physical side i.e. STI's pregnancy etc. but the emotional side to. That said I wouldn't be happy or encouraging my 14 year old to have sex, but unfortunately at that age, they know best! They will do it where ever regardless.

I'd be freaked out by it. I really hope my dd isn't having sex when she is 12/13/14

not that far away now...

when I was 14/15 there was some stuff going on in the direction of sexual activity but it was not that common for girls of that age to have sex. I only know of one girl who was definitely having sex with boys at the age of12 since she told me about it and it was clear to everyone.

I don't know really what the boys were doing unless it involved me or friends of mine

Love AnyFucker's comment and totally agree with it.
DD is nearly 14 and not remotely interested in boys....some of the fgirls in her year group have"dry sex" with their boyfriends. I suppose at least it is safe
I would be appalled if dd was in a sexual relationship at 14/15- I was 18 before I was. Open communication is so important.

I agree with the op and I also think the same about boys. These young tenagers are still children and should be encouraged and allowed to grow up slowly.