to be concerned about children I've never met?

[Supergrass]

(alternate name used)

Some background: my colleague (close friend) has just returned from a conference, at which she was quite shocked by the stories told by one of our other colleagues.

In short: this other woman has 2 young children (older is 6, the younger is under a year). She has claimed that she takes class A drugs (cocaine and ecstasy) 'most weekends', has parties in her house 'all the time' and was very descriptive about how difficult she finds it to cope with the children the day after. She doesn't have a partner, so is the sole carer (in the house) for those children.

Ok, so this is basically gossip that I'm hearing. I've never met this woman, never mind the children, and I have no idea about her life, the other adults offering support or the truth of the stories she has been regaling. I do believe that my friend has given me a truthful account of what the other woman said.

What do you think? My gut instinct is that these children need some attention, but this is all hearsay.

We-ell, YANBU to be concerned about them. I would be.

Do you think that either you or your friend should alert Social Services? I would tread carefully there but if I was certain that the children were being neglected or in any harm I wouldn't hesitate to report it. I guess I'd talk to your friend again and suggest she tries to find out more? I should add, though, that I am very drugs intolerant and you may find that the consensus here is a little more liberal!

Given that you haven't heard about this from the parent herself and you don't know other circumstances, I don't think you should interfere. You have no evidence that her DC are not being looked after. Maybe they are at the GPs house when the mother is having parties. I don't like the sound of it either but don't think you can judge people on second hand gossip

Belle - yes, I suppose was thinking about SS. Well, that seems extreme, but I have no idea how else to go about it.

I was in the NHS Walk-In centre last week and read a child protection poster that was pretty effective, in that it challenged the 'inner voice' rationales that would prevent someone from reporting a concern.

E.g. [your voice]"This is probably just a one-off" / [CP voice] "No, this is probably just the tip of the iceberg".

There is no option to find out more - this conference is an annual thing and all this stuff came out after a few bottles of wine.

karma: that is what my inner voice is saying. It is ridiculously insubstantial.

Still, I feel strongly that, if this woman was giving a truthful account of her lifestyle, those children are not being properly looked after. Big old pair of judgey pants for me.

Supergrass - I have to agree that I wouldn't want it for my children and I am as judgey as you. I do think though that sometimes people get a bit show offy at functions and say things that are not quite true but they think makes them look cool, when everyone else is thinking that they sound like complete twats, but without being there it is hard to judge context. Perhaps she has looked after her DC with a hangover, which isn't nice but not as bad as looking after them when under the influence of drugs/drink. Given that she is a stranger it really is impossible for you to establish. Think you can only trust that other people in these childrens lives are looking out for them

Sounds more like she's showing off stupidly, to me.

How is that different from Kate Moss, Kerry Katona and a few others that we all just watch in the press

Yes it is a problem but I gather SW judgey pants are even baggier than ours and they will probably do nothing.

There's a world of difference between "not being properly looked after" and being a case for Social Services!

So she "finds it difficult"? Who doesn't at times? I'd find something else to worry about...

Mmm.

Have talked to teacher friend who says that if she heard the same thing about a parent, she would be duty bound (i.e. by the code of practice of her profession) to inform SS. Or to tell the person who heard it first hand to inform SS. In her words, the grounds are "there is circumstantial evidence that drug abuse is leading to neglect of the children."

I have no idea. I am very far from the gossipy net curtain twitching type, but I do feel it's important to think twice about personal involvement / responsibility if very young children are part of a situation.