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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that my mum wasn't so small-minded?

60 replies

cupcakesandbunting · 09/08/2010 14:05

My mum, bit of a female Bernard Manning; men should be men, women should be women and brown people are funny Hmm

Anyway, we were in ELC last week and DS who is 3 started playing with the blue toy pushchair. I mentioned that I might get him one as he makes a beeline for the one at playgroup, and mum did this face like I'd said I was thinking about buying him a nailgun to play with. "He's a boy" she said. I remarked that so was DH and he pushed DS round in a pushchair, to which she went "that's different, he's DS's dad" to which I then said that next she'd be saying that only little girls couls play with toy kitchens because only women cook.

Then she told me to shut up.

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

OP posts:
LucyLouLou · 09/08/2010 14:51

photos of herself that should say!

zandy · 09/08/2010 14:54

I work in a school nursery and we have two vacuums for the children to play with. I have NEVER seen any of the girls play with them, but the boys sometimes fight over whose turn it is to use them.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 09/08/2010 14:54

Ahhh, love the sound of your DD's Superman outfit. That's brilliant!

My mum often uses her advanced age (53, pfffft) as an excuse for her views on life. When I point out that MiL is 65 and is very liberal, she gets a bit confuddled, bless her.

OP posts:
Wanttofly · 09/08/2010 14:54

Steathpolarbear - I just hope DS keeps it up when he is a teenager and makes my life easier Grin

DH and I laugh that when DS can talk he will be telling us off for being messy Hmm

ratspeaker · 09/08/2010 14:56

My goodness not much has changed in 20 odd years!
When my son was a toddler he liked pushing his big sisters toy pushchair around
I was stopped and told by two old biddies that it was wrong- he's boy
In my shocked state all I could say was " he's learning how to be a good dad"

When I was at school I was actively discouraged from taking science by the headmaster, because I was a girl Angry
Luckily my parents backed me up and I got to do Chemistry and Physics

midori1999 · 09/08/2010 14:57

We had similar when I wanted to buy my eldest son a toy kitchen, my Grandfather said they were for boys... hmm, yes, because I want my son to grow up thinking cooking is something women do so if his wife wants to go away shehas to fill the fridge/freezer with pre-cooked food like my Grandmother does... Hmm DS is now 14 and I am proud to say he can cook a variety of dishes.

I think it's a generational thing, along with racism. The first time I met my DH's Grandfather, who is an ex pat living in Spain, he said 'I'd hate to be in England, there's no English people left, it's full of thos ebloody woggoes'. Shock Shock Shock Worst of all, was that he just couldn' see the irony... Confused

LucyLouLou · 09/08/2010 14:59

My mother has her moments cupcakes :), thankfully she is fully supportive of mine and DD's father's intent to introduce non-pink and non-girly outfits into our LO's wardrobe!

sweetkitty · 09/08/2010 15:07

My Dad is also sadly extremely racist and sexist.

If he's not going on about "bloody women drivers" it's "well some of those blacks are OK but I wouldn't want them living next to me" Shock of course every Muslim is a suicide bomber apart from Ali in his local corner shop who is actually OK! Chinese people are deemed OK as they have a strong work ethic.

I have honestly given up arguing with him now, sadly he is not alone in his views.

midori1999 · 09/08/2010 15:12

sweetkitty, I feel your pain. My friend's idiot husband saw some women with headscarves on out the other night (I am not sure what religion they were, tbh) and he suggested we 'duck for cover'. Hmm

Also, my Mum thinks 'all people from hot countries are lazy'. I despair!

breatheslowly · 09/08/2010 15:49

I'm intrigued by this thread - it seemed to be about sexism, but there are lots of posts about racism as well. Is there a link between the two and is the BNP sexist as well as racist?

mrspear · 09/08/2010 15:58

oh not allot has changed! When i was four, early 80's, i was very disappointed to have recieved a blue bird kitchen instead of a train set. By Boxing day the kitchen was broken. I never did get the train set. I am hoping that DS likes Thomas so i can get him one that i can play with too.

Chil1234 · 09/08/2010 16:02

The link is somewhere between intolerance and stereotyping. Whether it's racial or sexual stereotyping is rather immaterial... it's just as offensive to assume that someone of a particular gender or sexual orientation will always behave in a certain way as much as people from a particular ethnic group or skin colour. No idea whether the BNP has sexism written into their manifesto but it would rather go with their general vision of kicking us all back to the Ice-Age :)

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 09/08/2010 20:27

I would wager that most of the BNP are sexist.

Now I'm being prejudiced... Shock

OP posts:
flootshoot · 09/08/2010 21:01

I want tobuy DS a pushchair and DH was being Hmm about it - until his mum reminded him that his grandmother bought him a pram when he was a toddler...... Grin

tokyonambu · 09/08/2010 21:28

My brother, who appeared otherwise sensible, acquired a bizarre set of fears that sandals / shorts / other things would make his sons homosexual. I couldn't bring myself to unpick the logical fallacies in something that wasn't true (sandals -> gay) as a precursor to something that shouldn't matter (surely to God no parent in 2010 is worrying about the sex of their sons or daughters' future partners?)

gingerkirsty · 09/08/2010 21:37

cupcakes you must buy your DS the buggy asap, and he will need a brown dolly to go in it too Wink

Tell your mum he wants to be a house husband when he grows up :)

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/08/2010 21:44

BNP policy is most definitely sexist, the gist being men should be the head of the household etc

MamaVoo · 09/08/2010 21:50

My mum was telling me about a place they went on holiday. It was run by a couple of 'funny women'.

My dad is always surprised if he sees a woman driving a bus.

I have given up trying to bring them into the 21st century.

usualsuspect · 09/08/2010 21:52

I'm a grandma ...I bought my dgs a toy pink buggy ..we ain't all daily mail reading ,bnp voting old codgers ..how old are all your parents?

stressheaderic · 09/08/2010 21:53

My mum's got a new work colleague, "he's gay you know, but he seems alright"
Hmm

seaturtle · 09/08/2010 21:55

My DS's favorite toy is a second hand pink doll's pram that we take on most of our park outings. I get the odd strange look but don't really care. I have friends who are a bit funny about that kind of stuff. Tells their DS off for playing with his sister's pram. Responded to my telling her that DS loves Peppa Pig with, "Peppa Pig is for girls!"

zipzap · 10/08/2010 01:17

before last christmas we were in the toy section at sainsburys and I tried to do a casual 'what do you want santa to bring you?' to ds1, then aged 4.

he dragged me out of the toys and back to the electricals where he said he wanted a hoover and as he couldn't make up his mind he wanted two - a dyson and a vax Grin - real ones, not toy ones. He was convinced santa was going to bring both of them for him too! (regardless of the fact we already have a hoover, which was going to be kept as one for mummy to play with Hmm)

He adores hoovering - and will happily hoover the whole house if I let him. As a reward for being a good boy - I see it as a win-win situation Grin. And if he is very good and mummy is feeling brave his most favourite thing to do in the whole world is mopping. Not sure where he gets this from - neither hoovering or mopping come anywhere in my favourite things to do list! But am certainly not going to put any funny ideas about hoovering not being a boy thing into his head! And my mum thinks it is great - of all her grandkids he is the one that loves helping the most.

We needed to get a carpet cleaner recently and all anybody would say was that ds1 must be thrilled. Unfortunately he's not as we won't let him use it yet (despite heavy pestering) - hoovering is one thing, but figure that heavy machine with water and electricity is not good mix with a 5 yr old...

ChunkyPickle · 10/08/2010 03:07

I read the BNP's manifesto from a couple of years ago and it most certainly was sexist - they seem to be very keen on 'encouragement' - to go home (foreigners), to stay home (women) etc.

Very uncomfortable reading indeed. They are certainly a bunch of unsavoury thinkers to say the least.

BaggedandTagged · 10/08/2010 03:39

Zipzap- my friend (male) used to be like that as a little boy. Not sure if I should tell you this, but he now runs his own company clearing up death/suicide scenes and is as happy as larry (it's yucky but very lucrative work and he gets to play with industrial cleaning equipment all day!).

Marjee · 10/08/2010 04:10

My mums 55 and thinks shes liberal despite the fact that she thinks homosexuality is contagious! We live in an area with a massive gay scene so she thinks ds is going to be gay, shes looking out for signs already (hes 9mo) Hmm

We used to live next door to a middle aged man who was single but very often had a male friend over to visit and stay the night. One day when I was about 15 I asked my mum if that was his partner and she said she thought they should all be made to wear badges so people could tell! Then she went on to say that at least black people don't need to tell people they are black Shock

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