Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to give up on PIL

8 replies

ditavonteesed · 09/08/2010 08:32

I have just been to visit pil for the weekend with dc. they have not seen dc since wed went to see them at easter, they last came to visit us in dec 08, they have just moved house to a beautiful hous3e in herefordshire with a humongous garden, I didn't let dc take any ds's as I thought it is 2 days with grandparents they should just enjoy their company.
so basic run down of the weekend, arriev at 12.50, mil says we weren't expecting you yet (told them I would aim for 1) I haven't been to the shops yet, proceeds to go to the shops and returns at 5pm.
FIL is reading his paper for most of this time.
Friday night dc were a real problem to get to bed, I eventually got them settled at 10pm, fil then turns some music on really lopud on surround sound, I say that might wake up dc, he says hard luck this is our time.
sat dc get up at 6.15, pil get up at about 9am, dc want t9o play in garden, fine, fil shows them where there is a hole in fence to be careful of, then goes out to mow the lawn and tells the dc they can't play on grass, dc just wanted to explore and kept getting shouted at by fil, came in a bit sad.
mil is going to shop so dc decide they would like to go as well, sat waiting for an hour, bored stiff all the time mil saying I am ready we are going now, don't get that out we are going now.
we ngo to shop and then pick your own, was lovely, get back and dc are just told not to do any game they come up with, including hide and seek, apparently the will destroy pil new house if we allow them to play hide and seek (that destructive old game).
every game they find fil shouts at them to stop and to be quiet. I am exhausted from trying to keep them quiet all weekend.
so deciding what time to leave on sunday, I say we can stay for lunch if you had planned that, answer oh we usually have our dinner later on. so decide to leave at ab out 12.30, 10.30 mil is packing up all the stuff she wants to gice us and tidying up around ended up leaving at 11.20 as dd1 bored and not alloweed to get anything out as we are leaving soon.
they will not come to visit us and will not stay in our house (our house is not gross or anything). they visit sil every month or so, we had to spend most of the weekend talking about sil's wedding and fil kept reminding me that he had given us a large sum of monry to help us buy our house (which I am eternally grateful for, my parents gave us the same and have never mentioned it again).
MIL is trying to de clutter so I suggest that she may want to throw away a couple of baby things as dc no longer interested, she says will keep as you never know. I know if sil has children they will be doted on. there are pics of sil, sil df, and sil's fiance parents all over the house (they are posh and rich we are far from it).
I feel like we are nothing but an inconvinience to them and having spent 7 years making sure they have a relationship with dd's even though they put nop effort in WIBU to not bother anymore?

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 09/08/2010 08:35

yanbu. what does you dp/dh think?

ditavonteesed · 09/08/2010 08:39

dh is so angry that he can't alk about it without getting in sa serious mood, I wish I hadn't told him about this weekend tb h.

OP posts:
pjmama · 09/08/2010 08:45

Just don't arrange to go and stay with them again. If they question it, just be honest and say the visits aren't much fun for the DCs as they don't feel like they can relax and have fun at their house. But of course they're very welcome to come and see you anytime they like. If they don't bother, then you have your answer! Their loss.

If DH is just as annoyed as you then at least he should back you up.

Plumm · 09/08/2010 08:46

Sounds awful - let them have their rich DD and her DF while you enjoy your children.

DuelingFanjo · 09/08/2010 08:46

In that case, as you have his support, I think YANBU to limit the visits or stop them alltogethere. It doesn't sound like anyone is really enjoying them.

TakeLovingChances · 09/08/2010 08:57

YANBU, they sound awful!

They seriously seem like they've forgotten what children are like. From what you said your DC weren't doing anything bad or unusual, just normal playful behaviour. Poor DC, feel :( for them.

Was your DH away with you to visit them, or did you just relate the story to him?

If he's also angry and annoyed with them then I do think he should say something to them - once he's calmed down, of course!

Enjoy your kids and be a united front with your DH.

ditavonteesed · 09/08/2010 09:04

dh was at home looking after the dog, we can't go together. he was planning on taking the kids for a weekend soon so he can see their new house but said he is not sure what to do now.

OP posts:
PositiveAttitude · 09/08/2010 09:11

YANBU. Not disimilar here, but we only live 5 minutes away. PIL have seen our 5 DCs a handful of times in 10 years now. It used to really upset me, but now I have come to realise that they ahve missed out far more than the DCs have.

I grew up with no GPs, so had always wanted to encourage a strong relationship between our DCs and their GPs, but they just were not interested. It hurts that SIL DCs are doted on totally and have the relationship that I would have loved mine to have, but it all was just too stressful.

I have vowed NEVER to be like them when our time for Grand children comes - not for a few years yet, i hope!!!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page