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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Health Visitor

8 replies

Twilightkez · 09/08/2010 00:49

I have a problem with my Health Visitor, i had very bad PND, and through that time she wasn't very helpful, coming into my home and picking one me (Once she actually walked into my house without even making a appointment or knocking the door). Am now better and getting on with my life. The last two times i have seen her, she has been mocking me and belittling me, to the point i was upset and stress out, though she has been doing this the whole time.

I have now asked to change health visitor and going to speak to one tomorrow but don't know if am being unreasonable.

The points that peed me off, was questions like, have i bought my sons school uniform, i told her he was going to breakfast club and was asking what time will he would get up at then.

I had to cancel his appointment for the doctor due to my cousin dying and had to go back home to scotland,which she was making out she didn't believe me.

Also i never got letter for my ds2 for speech and language, but on the day she told me about the letter, i got a letter for ds1 and made a appointment. And they were both seen and nothing is wrong with ds2. She started saying yes but there concern over ds1 speech and language (Even though the letter wasn't for him, and i've been trying for 6 months to contact speech lady as she promised ds1 would get seen once a week in nursery but she never contacted me, or sent out any letter for him until that time)

Then she was going on about yes but st mary's are concerned and what is in place for ds1 apart from the fact ds1 was never going there i rejected there offer and got place into the school (She couldn't even remember the name of the school even though i told her 5 times and lefted a message on my phone) i wanted him too go and i made sure the support is in place for him to start school ( which i had to fight for and went for meeting to get him at least one to one support in school, he might have autism, he is not being statemented because they also feel he doesn't have autism, but were willing to put this in place.)

She also won't listen to me, i've tried telling her about ds1 and how i don't think he has autism that he has improved and most other people don't think so, again i feel that she thinks am making this up etc

I understand due to me having PND that they would have to watch me closely but i don't feel that i should be spoken in this manner and i should have a helpful health visitor, also i know i can't just stop seeing a HV either, i live with the fact of what i did when i had PND and feel guilty about it, but i am building my life up again, my 3 sons are happy, children. Sorry for the rambling hope this makes sense.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 09/08/2010 01:02

YANBU

Get shot.

They are supposed to be there to help you not make you feel like shit.

You deserve better!

chitchat07 · 09/08/2010 01:07

YANBU at all! I had lousy health visitors with DS1, couldn't stand the condescending so and sos. But with DS2 my HVs were really lovely and helpful. By all means change HVs, they are supposed to be a support to you, and if you feel belittled by them then they are not the right ones for you.

Can I ask why you can't stop seeing the HV? Why couldn't you just see the nurse or the GP at your local practice?

Twilightkez · 09/08/2010 01:26

Well because of my PND, i know if i stopped seeing this HV, she would prob send SS, i have read this is some cases where people choice not to have a HV as it isn't a law to see one, and i couldn't deal with the hassle of them.

Thanks Grin I'll see what this new HV has to say. God knows what she's put on my files, i did see one thing, Boys clothes are dirty, mother claims boys were playing in the garden. erm i think people can tell from dirty you get in the mud, than someone not changing there children clothes, this is how stupid she is.

OP posts:
Twilightkez · 09/08/2010 01:31

i told her he was going to breakfast club and was asking what time will he would get up at then.

Sorry just re-read this, it should have she started asking me what time he will be getting up at then, since the breakfast club starts at 7.45am, as in saying she didn't approve of me waking him up ifswim. Which i don't as he gets up at 6.20/7.00

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 09/08/2010 01:32

I hope the new one works out for you.

I would still get rid of the other one. Then see the nurse at the GP's, explain the situation, set up a monthly/fortnightly/weekly schedule of appointments which will show you are willing to be seen by 'professionals' but not this bitch woman and then you shouldn't have any problems.

How are you feeling??

sapphireblue · 09/08/2010 07:17

Having PND doesn't mean you have to see a Health Visitor, or that she would call SS (unless she has genuine concerns for your DC's). I had severe PND after the birth of DD1 and whether or not the HV came round, and how long she was involved for, was entirely up to me. If you don't want to see a HV anymore, just tell her very nicely "I have really appreciated your support but I feel I am able to move on by myself now".

Also, is it possible that you're misinterpreting what she says? It doesn't sound like she has openly criticised you or done anything wrong. I know how easy it is to feel that you're being criticised when you have PND, but maybe it's not the case and she is genuinely trying to help you?

ButterpieBride · 09/08/2010 07:31

I had awful PND and PNP, and when my HV started annoying me, I just said "I think we're alright from here on in thankyou, we will get in touch to ask advice if we need any, we're just SO busy, hahaha, you know how it is (big smile) Ok, thanks, bye!" Not seen her since :)

Although I am going to ring her this week to ask her advice on something, so lets see how that goes...

My old HV was horrible though, so you have my sympathies.

I have found here and LLL to be far more useful. (LLL even on non-breastfeeding issues, I go to a wonderful group)

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 09/08/2010 08:04

I have had issues with HVs too, which after my support through AND by my wonderful midwife team was a shock.

My DD is very low on the charts for weight and each time I saw them they would berate me for this even though they could not offer any advice except have you used formula? Well my DD seems forumla-phobic, she throws it up if given and now screams if she so much as sees a bottle!

So YANBU you need to feel supported not stressed out.

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