To Be FURIOUS That My 16yr Old Son Has Given An "ONLINE FRIEND" His TWITTER Password??? Or Am I Overreacting?

[MrsForgetful]

He has never met this person...and apparently he had been having so many rants on there lately.... so he gave this 'supposedly 16yr old girl' his password...asked her to change it so he cannot post on twitter... until 'they mutually agree' and then she will tell him the new password...so he can resume twittering.

HE insists this is NOT irrisponsible behaviour and that I am being PARANOID... and that SHE is NOT a PAEDOPHILE etc.....He says it's not like he gave her his bank details or anything.

I then pointed out that she could post 'pretending to be him' and there is nothing he can do about what she says etc....And she may never 'let him back on twitter'

I just cannot see why he didn't just close that account and start a new one....

Now...finally...he has a form of Autism (Aspergers Syndrome) so he struggles with all 'social skills' and is extremely 'naive/trusting' ...and i had thought that at least with 'online' friends he 'had friends'...as he struggles with 'real life friends'.

Now...i don't know what to think...as i am worried what other info he'd be persuaded to hand over.

I am also aware that i am OVER PROTECTIVE and that THERE are SOME genuine FRIENDSHIPS that start out ONLINE....and that NOT every person saying they are a 16yr old teen...are infact 50yr oldsready to pounc and groom the next teen that is 'having a tough time at home'

If he uses the same password for everything then yes it is a worry... however if the twitter password is unique it's probably okay. Realistically there is not a lot someone can do on there - unless mobile numbers are saved/accessible? I can't remember, been a long time since I used mine.

10 deep breaths.

It's a twitter account and as he rightfully says, it's not a bank account number or anything important.

Second good thing is he realises there is a difference!! (level of security required)

I would tell him (again) that you don't think it's a good idea and that he should ask her to let him back on again. Tell him if he wants to do this, you will do it for him and you promise not to read it/change it etc.

Then explain (again!!!) how people may not always be who they seem to be on the internet... and he should really ask you or another trusted friend (discuss who that would be) to do this kind of thing.

Have been where you are, it's a worrying place to be (mine was with my godson (and his parents) with whom I am incredibly close) and although he's an adult now, he's not really and we still have the same kind of issues :( so I do understand how scary it is x

thanks...he says this is a unique password.

I don't think you're overreacting at all. Can you rectify things? Get your son to tell this girl to change it back so something else can be done. I don't know the response you would get from her, but worth a shot I'd say.

A slight positive....that your son recognised he had problems on there with the ranting, and did something about it. Though I quite agree it was in the wrong way.

I'm not sure what the right answer is here though. I don't know how Twitter would respond if you contacted them but might be worth a try.

Btw, ask you son as soon as you can if he has the same p/w for his email that he does for Twitter. He's gonna need to change that immediately if he does.

x-post....good news that it's unique!

thanks both of you...i'm just sat here now feeling i handled all this so badly.

(being a parent is shit)

i also feel that the reality is kicking in that though he looks so 'normal'...his Aspergers will ALWAYS make him vulnerable...

(i have also posted this in the Special Needs area....but i wnated to post here too... as i appreciate ALL advice!)

You haven't handled it badly at all. Clearly you have done good with your DS and the internet if he's smart enough to know to have unique p/ws! Better to worry and then know everything's okay than be dismissive and miss something serious IMO. But all seems okay here.

I have a friend with a child on the autistic spectrum, he is about to start secondary school, so this is a subject I have discussed at length recently. The 'normal' thing is always a worry for her, I think sometimes she even catches herself thinking there's nothing wrong with him and she doesn't need to treat him 'differently'. Difficult when kids grow up!

thanks LUCY.... hopefully all will feel better afater a good nights sleep.

your right there...things have got harder in the past year as technically he is 'old enough' to handle money (according to the government who pay him his Disability benefit)... and it is becoming obvious to me that HE CANNOT manage his money... but I felt we had to at least let him try.....(I get his benefit in my account and i automatically transfer a set amount weekily to his bank account...hoping to move towards him recieving it all at some point)

still thats another story....

Hope you have a good snooze MrsForgetful :). Been a tough night for you!

Best wishes!

x-post: well done for letting your DS have that freedom. My friend is only a few years behind you in having to make those decisions. I'm going to make a note of your bank account staggering idea, I think it might be helpful for her to hear that.

LUCY- thansk for listening- i feel a bit more relaxed now...Nighty Night!!!

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Being a good parent isn't about being perfect, it's about doing your best and always being there for them x

My GS is in his 20's now - trust me, we've made some fuck-ups along the way (it's an unusual situation, but I'm almost a third parent to my GS & no, he's not mine by birth as many people assume :)). He is in the situation he is in, due to an accident :( He looks 'normal', mostly appears 'normal' - we still get 'kick-in-the-guts' moments when we realise that he isn't 'normal', that he never will be the person he would have been without the accident. He is incredibily vulnerable, reliant on his parents and most likely always will be (that or a partner who 'gets' him). He has so much to offer someone, but is also a huge challenge :(

thanks CHIPPING - its really helped me having your insight-thanks.

you did great, absolute right to read him the riot act about internet security. chances are this is all perfectly harmless, but still an avoidable situation.

Total - do you have any experience with children/teenagers with SN? (genuine Q, not sarky - honest!) IME - reading the riot act doesn't help, it just makes them more secretive. As a teenager he needs to understand why it was a bad idea, not just 'cos Mum says I shouldn't' and tbh, it's only a twitter account and he made the decision that 'it's not his bank account details' - so there was a reasonable level of 'thinking it through' going on, a bit more of an explanation of why this is also not a great idea, is far more beneficial than 'reading the riot act'.

CHIPPING...its OK...TotalChaos knows me from the SN section....i understand where she is coming from.

He's full of himself this morning...sarcastic remarks...which cos of how he is...don't sound at all sarcky...just hurtful- and i am trying to ignore it all.to rise abaove it.

Oh OK.

I just get a bit cross sometimes because people are often saying my GS just needs 'a good telling off' (or rather they used to, now he's older we don't get it so much) when actually that would always send him in the other direction!! He needs things explaining (about 5 million times sometimes!! ) - so he 'gets it'. Even then, with the memory loss he suffers too - we often have to go through the same things again and again...

He can also be very sarcastic and a right shitbag - as well, as caring, loving, gentle, thoughtful and a host of other good things.

Chipping - that was lazy use of language on my part re:reading riot act. Apologies, I completely understand that it's not just a case of saying - Don't do that!, but that you would need to fully explain from scratch that people aren't always trustworthy, who they say they are on the internet, and what sort of misuse of details could occur. As MrsF says, I also have experience of a child with SN, who is likely to be similarly vulnerable as a teen/adult, so I do realise that it's a case of explaining rather than bollocking!

i'm with you on the 'telling off at a later time...away from the incident etc'....the times i have been 'looked at in a dissaproving way' for NOT disciplining my 'naughty' child...little do they know that IF i were to deal with the issue there and then... things would really get worse.

and the 'explaining things 5 million times' i get too....as with autism they struggle to transfer learned skills from one setting to another....

lunch time now...what fun!!!

TC - tis OK, should have just minded my own business

Catch you both later...

No worries, ChippinIn, sometimes if you see something that makes you it's better to call the person on it than just fume in silence!