to get cheesed off with PIL for...

[QueenSconetta]

Probably the latest in a long line of inlaws threads, but there's a list:

1. Not being interested in their only GC while fawning over BIL's SIL's (yes BIL's Wife's Sister's it really is that tenuous) baby who they hardly ever see, and only ever hear of second hand. If I hear more of 'Jack has done this, Jack has done that, well Jack is being taken to..' I'll go mad

1. Never ever phoning us on the basis MIL feels DP always says its the wrong time and is a bit short on the phone. Its just the way he is FGS and HE'S YOUR SON. At any rate you brought him up that way! She said she had decided she just wouldn't phone and has so far stuck to it.

1. Very rarely seeing DD, even though they live about 6 miles away. They see her about every 5-6 weeks and only ever on our solicitation. It also gets me that when they do eventually see her, they will hold her (she is 8.5 months) then are reluctant to hand her back when SHE wants to come back to me.

1. I also don't understand that they have never bought her anything apart from a teddy when she was born. They have given money at appropriate times but I would rather they had chosen something for her out of the pound shop, rather than just throwing money at her when they feel they should. Its not about the value, its about the thought. How can a Grandma resist buying little dresses etc for her GD?

Maybe IABU, although I suspect I just need to accept that's the way it is and move on. DD gets plenty of love elsewhere but I know it upsets DP which upsets me.

Re 4. YABU re this. I was relieved that people didn't buy 'things'. I prefered to get things myself that I liked plus didn't want to get saddled with a load of tat. The money goes into a bank account so they have some savings when they're 18 and they really need it.

The only thing my MIL bought DS2 was a 'novelty' vest when he was born. Nothing else. Ever. No money and he's now 6! Can't remember DS1 even getting the novelty vest!

I see your point QC, and I agree. I think what I mean is its just another manifestation of their total lack of interest.

Yabu.

Well,I would be happy if I could go 6 weeks without seeing my MIL, but I am just being moany cos she is going to be spending all of this afternoon parked on my sofa. I do appreciate that you find it hurtful that she shows little interest in your DC. When she is with your DD, you say she is reluctant to give her back, which does indicate that she wants to be around her. Perhaps your DHs telephone manner has made her feel a bit unwelcome.

You could invite her round more frequently, or you phone her for a chat and see if she warms up a bit. If not, then you do just have to accept what you cannot change.

re 1. maybe they fawn about your DD as much to others?

Good point bedubabe, they might just not do it to your face.

YANBU....in your circumstamces, I would probably make an extra effort for a while and see if it gets you anywhere. If it doesn't, you will probably have to accept this is just the way it is. It's disappointing and upsetting, but clearly your DD has a lot of love from elsewhere :).

Bedubabe you could be right but I doubt it although that is very unreasonable of me.

I think it stems from the fact they were very disapproving when we announced I was pregnant as we're not married, for no other reason than what the neighbours might think.

I also think the not giving her back thing is a bit of a control thing, but even I know that IS me being unkind and seeing the worst on purpose.

She took to phoning me for a while (at stupid times incidently) but then stopped even though I always made a point of being nice to her.

Oh well. Thank you for the objective view points, my friends and family tend to egg me on a bit in being cheesed off!