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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok , I know it's a bit petty, but...

35 replies

withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 09:21

DD1s birthday is next week - we celebrated it yesterday with both sets of parents at the zoo, followed by a barbecue.

PIL wanted to give DD1 her presents yesterday so they could see her open them, so we did the cake and she opened her presents. My Mum decided not to give her their presents - fair enough, their presents up to them when she opens them.

I came downstairs this morning and Mum was sitting playing with DD1 - she'd opened one of the presents from my parents, fair enough, it's up to my Mum when she has them. BUT I later saw her playing with a present I didn't recognise. Asked my Mum where it came from and she said it was her present from my brother.

My parents had brought it down with them - it had gone on the table along with all of the presents from other people to be opened on her birthday. I'm just a bit miffed about it to be honest - my brother and I don't have much in common but we get on well. He doesn't take a huge amount of active interest in DD1 but I know he loves her and he always chooses presents he knows she'll love. I'm just really quite upset that I didn't get to see her open the present and that my Mum decided it was down to her to start giving DD1 presents to open when it's now neither her birthday or the day of her birthday party.

When I asked her why she gave it to her she said "there wasn't time yesterday" ?! There was time, we just hadn't planned to give her any of the presents from people who weren't here until her actual birthday.

Yes, I know it's petty - but I just really wanted to see her open it!

OP posts:
SeaTrek · 08/08/2010 09:30

I guess she simply viewed it as 'one of hers' as she brought it down.

I would have been a little miffed, too, but not that much. I would have probably have said something at the time though along the lines of 'please don't give her anymore of her presents as she won't have much to open on her birthday and we are really looking forward to seeing her open them and taking pictures'. Apart from anything else, you will need to know who bought her what to thank them!

Alicetheinvisible · 08/08/2010 09:32

YANBU that would piss me off too.

Original poster
withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 09:35

Seatrek, I've asked her not to open anymore. She's put the present back in the gift back - presumably so she can open it again next week! DD1 is only 2 so she might not even remember about it!

OP posts:
yama · 08/08/2010 09:35

Did your Mum get up with dd to give you a lie in?

My Mum does this whenever we stay over so I would forgive easily (if it were my Mum).

In fact, thinking about it, it wouldn't bother me whatever the circumstances. I wouldn't grudge my Mum giving my dc presents from other people.

Original poster
withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 09:39

No I didn't get a lie in, I was up but busy with the baby.

I think my Mum is just different in that she doesn't get any enjoyment from watching DD1 open present as she's never bothered about watching her open them. So I think she was just being thoughtless not understanding that some of us get quite a lot of enjoyment from seeing children open their gifts from people.

OP posts:
Ewe · 08/08/2010 09:40

YABU, it is indeed a bit petty, you'll get to see her open plenty of presents on her actual birthday. In a few days you'll look back and feel a bit silly about being so upset about this!

nagoo · 08/08/2010 09:42

YANBU. That would have pissed me off as well.

yama · 08/08/2010 09:42

Right I get it now. I guess then YANBU.

Besom · 08/08/2010 09:44

Is this a tip of the iceberg/straw that broke the camel's back thing?

If it's a one off I would say it is a bit rude of her but you are being petty.

If she does stuff like this a lot I can understand why it would annoy you.

Original poster
withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 09:47

Yes she does do stuff like this all the time, but I am not about to do an AIBU by stealth.

I wanted to ask because I didn't klnow if I was just annoyed because she annoys me, or if this would have annoyed others too.

I just think it's a bit weird that she flatly refused give her any presents yesterday when we were all together watching her open them. Then the first thing she did this morning is start opening presents without anyone else here.

But aside from that I am upset specifically about my brother's gift because I woulkd have loved to have watched her open it.

OP posts:
Alicetheinvisible · 08/08/2010 09:53

Maybe she feels slightly in competition with your ILs?

AngelsOnHigh · 08/08/2010 09:56

I thing that you are being a bit weird worrying about something so trivial. Maybe it's time to broaden your horizons. Smile

Original poster
withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 09:56

Possibly alice - PIL put a lot of thought and effort into presents.

At christmas my Mum put some money in my bank account, told me to buy something (I was pregannt and recovering from swine flu at the time) got us to bring it with us when we visited and then got in a strop because I hadn't wrapped it up for her!

Obviously it was generous of her to give us money.

OP posts:
AngelsOnHigh · 08/08/2010 09:58

Just concentrate on the fact that you had a wonderful day out at the zoo with both sets of parents.

Your mum probably now feels that your feelings about the present opening has taken a bit of gloss off he day,

Original poster
withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 09:58

Angels - thank you, now I can play AIBU bingo having got the standard passive-aggresive 'you need to get out more' post.

Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 09:59

Angels, I can assure you that no gloss has been taken off my Mum's day - she has the skin of a rhino. Bless you for being so concerned about her though Wink

OP posts:
Alicetheinvisible · 08/08/2010 10:00

It just occured to me that perhaps she feels like their presents may outshine hers iyswim? Which is silly considering most 2yr olds get bored of expensive presents within about 2mins and go back to their broken crayons anyway Grin Maybe if she is always a bit like this make a bit more fuss over her (if it gives you a quiet life!)

missmoopy · 08/08/2010 10:05

It was thoughtless of your Mum, but really not worth getting in a tizzy about. I would just try to forget about it. I am sure your dd will have plenty if other parcels to open on her big day, which you can enjy watching her open. I love watching the joy on my dd's face when she opens her pressies too - its my favourite bit of Xmas.

AngelsOnHigh · 08/08/2010 10:25

My motto is "Don't sweat the small stuff".

So far it's served me reasonably well.Grin

StealthPolarBear · 08/08/2010 10:29

But sweating the small stuff is what MN is about
If that doesn't apply to you then find a forum where they worry about world peace and weapons of mass destruction. no one is arguing that in the scheme of things this is a huge deal, but the OP has simply asked the question.

Original poster
withorwithoutyou · 08/08/2010 10:30

Thanks missmoopy,

I wanted to see her open my brother's present because he doesn't really have much contact with her - he doesn't really know how to engage with her but still chooses something which she always loves and I love to see her open things from him.

Thanks to everyone for the answers - it seems that some people would be bothered, others wouldn't. I'm in the would be camp, and my Mum is in the wouldn't camp. So just a small difference in how we think about things and not done to cause deliberate harm.

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 08/08/2010 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 08/08/2010 10:47

oh tsc that's awful :(

DH is taking DS to the cinema this afternoon for his first time ever to see TS3, and I want to see his face when he finds out - and it's not even his birthday :) So I sympathise

Besom · 08/08/2010 11:09

It's difficult to challenge when it's lots of smallish things, but when taken all together they build up to a general disrespect of your boundaries. Can be very frustrating and hard to deal with.

I've posted similar things in the past about my dad. You've not had an 'at least you've got a mother' post for your bingo card.

TheMoonOnAStick · 08/08/2010 11:21

Yanbu. It does seem a small thing but it would have grated on me too I think.

Like others say a one off incident you can brush off but too many times and you start to look for those occasions and bristle.

My mil can be a bit like this. I think tactless is the word. 'She means well, she means well and she is a lovely grandma..' and over the years I've kept that mantra in my head (sometimes through gritted teeth)

But she can't half trample on my toes at timesHmm The road to hell and all that. I don't think she can help herself though.