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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be completely fecked off that I cannot breastfeed 2 week old DS?

22 replies

BigMommaOfAlmost4 · 07/08/2010 18:42

Slap me please as I am feeling irrationally pissed off about this when I should be enjoying my new (and last) baby boy!!

DS3 was solely breastfed for the 1st 3 days then as my nipples were so sore and bleeding and felt like they were going to fall off (he had a mouthful of blood), I could not take it anymore and ran out to Asda at 2 o clock in the morning on Day 4 to get bottles and formula as he was screaming for food and I could not bear to feed him (which he wanted constantly) as I was in agony.

That was my downfall as he will now not take the breast even though I am constantly offering it. He just plays with it and screams for a bottle! Have been expressing but only getting about 1oz at a time and that is taking the best part of an hour, have 3 other DCs so do not have time to be expressing all day anyway.

Various midwives insisted he was latched on fine so I have no idea what happened except that he can suck for England (big baby). Nipples are now all healed but the little bugger won't take it.

I am completely pissed off that I caved in as I just assumed I would bf and can't believe I am already having to faff around with formula and sterilising bottles. I had twins previously who I had to ff from around 3 weeks as well as they seemed to be starving all the time. DD was bf for 8 months.

I really wanted to bf for the last time and to make things worse DS3 is very pukey since he's been on formula which I'm sure he would'nt be if he was bf.

AIBU to be this upset when all I should really be worried about is that he's healthy (so DH says) and that others can feed him to give me a break!!

OP posts:

Spacehopper5 · 07/08/2010 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EccentricaGallumbits · 07/08/2010 18:48

have you tried nipple shields to bridge the gap between teat and boob?

EccentricaGallumbits · 07/08/2010 18:49

or could you take to your bed for 3 days solid with baby and no bottles or formula. would be tough but maybe an option?

fedupofnamechanging · 07/08/2010 18:51

Have you tried nipple shields to help with the soreness? I don't know, but they might fool your baby into thinking he is getting a bottle. Beyond that all I can suggest is that you get in touch with a bf expert (NCT?) for proper advice. I'm sure someone will be along in a minute

poppy34 · 07/08/2010 18:51

Nipple shields - dd mixed fed and they did help bridge the gap.

fedupofnamechanging · 07/08/2010 18:53

Meant to add, don't feel bad about giving formula because you were in pain. Bleeding, sore nipples are hellish. Hope you do get back to bf though

Spacehopper5 · 07/08/2010 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

addictedisgettingexcited · 07/08/2010 19:00

i just wanted to say some times the milk can make a baby sicky. my db and dsis (3yo and 11week old) both were/are very sicky on any milk other than aptimil.

i second the nipple shield advice if you want to get back in to bf, lots of people swear by them.

also when my dsis wass born my mum struggled to bf, had mastitus 3 times in 4 weeks and very sore and bleeding nipples and just couldnt do it anymore, went out and bought bottles and milk. then 2 weeks later when she was all healed really regretted her decision. she went to holland and barrett and (quite literally!) bought the shop anything that said it help with milk production she bought, she got nipple shealds and she started feeding she would bf for as long as dsis would take it then top up with a bottle. each feed topping up less and less. it really did work, untill she got mastitus again twice and was in so much pain she couldnt do it anymore and gave up.

you can do it, if you want to bf again keep perservering.

terryble · 07/08/2010 19:16

Would using slower-flowing teats be an option?

hotbot · 07/08/2010 19:44

big momma, i will give you a slap...... dont feel bad you were doing the best for your baby and try and ignore your hormonal feelings. it sounds like ds has chosen what he wants, unless you really are desperate to persevere and go down the rd of trying to re-establish bfing stick with what you are doing - guilt free
, i would also say that if you feel so strongly you should perhaps be the only one to bottle feed him, as the way you are feeling i suspect the last thing you want is a break from your lo,
a big CONGRATS on your baby by the way.

RainbowRainbow · 07/08/2010 20:41

Don't feel guilty! Easier said than done, I know, with all those hormones and all. Try all the things suggested here: nipple shields, herbal remedies, nct counsellor, taking to bed your with ds (if your other dcs will allow it), and then if ds still won't bf, you have done all you can. And my dd was exclusively bf and was incredibly sicky after every feed from about 3 weeks, so that might not be the formula. (Maybe not want you wanted to hear though...!)
Good Luck - and congratulations.

NotQuiteCockney · 07/08/2010 21:02

You'll get more help on the Breast and Bottle Feeding forum, for what it's worth.

And if your nipples ended up bleeding, your DS was not latched on correctly, despite whatever the MWs said. Nipples don't lie.

vachebleu · 07/08/2010 21:04

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time.

lots of skin to skin is a good place to start, without any pressure to bf. Try to express as much as possible to build up any supply you have - don't be put off if you don't get much to start with.

You can try to 'entice' him by brushing milk on his lips and cup feeding any milk you do express. Cup feeding will also get him used to actively using his tongue. And as everyone else has said, see if you can get hold of a Bfc to get help with latching.

Original poster

BigMommaOfAlmost4 · 07/08/2010 22:42

Thanks all. I started to get sore nipples while in hospital (overnight stay after birth) as DS remained permanently glued to them from about 30 mins after the birth throughout the night and asked at least 4 different midwives to check DSs latch and they all said it looked OK.

Have tried nipple shields but DS seems unhappy that the milk comes out slower than from a bottle so would not stay on.

Also tried not giving a bottle and offering the breast every time he cried and that lasted 4 hours before I had to give him a bottle because he (and I) was so distressed.

Have given him bm from a cup at the start of a feed to take the edge of his hunger and then tried offering the breast and still he would not take it.

I have spoken to a BFc and have done all she said. She did invite me to a bf group but I can hardly go there and feed DS a bottle can I!!

HV said I should not worry as he has had my colostrom {sic} at least which I was surprised at as I expected her to be outraged that I'd given up already!

OP posts:

Babieseverywhere · 07/08/2010 23:24

"She did invite me to a bf group but I can hardly go there and feed DS a bottle can I"

Of course you can, the BFC invited you and I guarantee that some of the other mothers at the support group will be using bottles at some point.

Get yourself to the support group, the other mothers will understand where you are at. Your baby is so little, it is very likely that with the right support he can be persuaded back to the breast (assuming that is what you are still aiming for)

Good luck :)

gaelicsheep · 07/08/2010 23:37

What size teat are you using with the bottles? DD has the occasional bottle (Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature) with a size 1 teat so the flow's really slow. The rest of the time she's breastfed with nipple shields. She switches between the two no problem. If you're using a faster flow teat could you try a slower one to make the difference less apparent?

gaelicsheep · 07/08/2010 23:39

IME HV's give you all the spiel about the dangers of even one bottle of formula, thereby making you feel like the worst mother in the world when you have to succumb to the evil stuff. Then when you tell them about your downfall they're like "oh OK then". They have to give you the party line - a bit like the oh so embarrassing contraception chat that you get from every HP you see.

verylittlecarrot · 07/08/2010 23:40

If you really want to re-establish bf, there is still time, at only 2 weeks in it isn't too late.

But act NOW. And be prepared to have to persevere and be determined.

Go to the group. Keep seeing the bfc (check she is a properly qualified bfc trained through one of the main 4 organisations, not just a supporter). Start a thread in feeding here and ask for tiktok's advice.

Do NOT listen to any midwife who tells you that your latch is fine when your nipples are bleeding. They have exposed their lack of knowledge already.

Google biological nursing and breast crawl.
Express frequently to keep your supply stimulated whilst you are encouraging the baby back to the breast.

Am rooting for you.

mamatomany · 07/08/2010 23:41

All I can say is I know how you feel, I fed DD3 until the child was nearly at school, it was a complete shock to find the 4th time around has been the hardest, i have cracked everything, blocked ducts and the bugger wolfs down the one bottle of formula a day I give him like he's never been fed.
If it's what you want keep sticking the boob in his mouth and see what happens but if not, I intend to buy masses of cartons of milk rather than making it up and cooling it/heating it, with number 4 you need to make life as easy as possible.

Aitch · 07/08/2010 23:43

you absolutely CAN feed a bottle at a bfing group, i did, and there were others who did too. a bottle is not the end of the world, much as it kinda seems like that right now. if you don't want to bf, don't, but if you DO, don't piddle about worrying what others will think (which is zilcho anyway), get out there and get help for yourselves. just think of all the sodding sterilising you'll skip if you can nail this. (and i speak as someone who never did manage to nail it, for many reasons, but is very glad i gave it my best shot).

good luck and congrats on your newborn!

MumNWLondon · 07/08/2010 23:54

Its not to late to turn this around if thats what you want.

Post on the breast and bottle feeding forum for more support and try and speak to lactation specialist.

amistillsexy · 08/08/2010 00:03

Echoing all the others have said...including that there's nothing wrong with using bottles if that's what gets your lo fed! But if you want to BF (and I remember that feeling so well!), then it's worth persevering.

I've had 3 very difficult starts to BF-DS1 was fed with a bottle on 1st night in hospital (he was on a heat mat in the nursery and 'they didn't want to wake me up!'), to cut a long story short, I ended up doing a day in bed, no formula, lots of skin to skin and 'boob crawling', and finally got him to take a nipple -shielded boob. This was at about 2 weeks. Then took about another 2 weeks to get rid of the bloody nipple shields!!
Ds2 screamed non-stop and fit to burst from first minute out for 5 hours solid. Midwife at her wit's end as she couldn't leave until she'd seen him fed and settled (home birth), so she suggested a bottle...Once again, a long difficult slog to get baby to take boobs, and cracked it again at about 3/4 weeks.
With DS3, thought I was such a pro it must go right. Wrong. Once again, baby couln't latch on, and I ended up using syringes/cup feeding/bottles of formula, and eventually got him to do it at about 3/4 weeks.
I've come to the conclusion that some babies just can't do it when they're young (mine weren't even that tiny-all over 7.5 lb!), and need a bit of coaxing. Your LO must have had a shock to get all that blood in his mouth-it must have put him off. Now you just need to persuade him that boobies are lovely again, and so long as you keep your supply going, you just need to take your time persuading him.

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