to not want to travel long haul with 4 young children...

[hksi]

My brother is getting married in 18 months time on the other side of the world. He has made it clear I should be there. I have 4 children under 10 and wouldn't leave them here to fly to the other side of the world. The cost for us all to go would be several thousands and use all our savings which were inherited and meant for a rainy day e.g redundancy.I'm feeling terrible and being sent on a real guilt trip. Is this fair????

I've just emailed to say really sorry but won't be going. Mentioned cost. Would have phoned but think it might have led to an argument. Least this way neither of us will say anything we regret.

Obviously YANBU to not want to spend all that money and drag the kids along, but he is your brother, and he is, you hope, only going to get married once. In your position I'd try and get the cheapest possible flight and accommodation and go on my own - the kids will be absolutely fine with DH and MIL for a week, and you will have been there for your family and had a lovely mini-break in New Zealand.
Fortunately you have 18 months to think about it (or 12 before you have to book the flights).

Yanbu

When I read your op I thought you were the Expat.

He chose to emigrate. Once you do that you have to accept that you will miss family occasions and you will not always have your family around on important days.

Why should you fo to great expense to go, even alone it would cost you the better part of £1000, would it not? You could have a likely holiday with your husband and family for that.

YANBU at all. As many posters have said, it is a massive cost and even if you went alone, you and DH will be using holiday time that would perhaps be better spent together as a family - certainly your youngest won't even know your brother.
If you are as close as he thinks, then surely he will understand.
And if it's in 18months time, how does he expect your oldest to go? Take time out of school? Not a great idea, especially for your 10 year old.

If your brother is really upset, could he and his new wife come over to the UK for a family blessing - perhaps you could offer to host it as a way of support?

Hope it works out. I love my sister but DD and DP would always come before her in a situation like this.

Alone it would cost 1050 just to go from airport to airport. I presume I would have to pay for accomodation etc etc. Also we as a family would lose a valuable weeks holiday together. Can I add something else in now......when my brother and his now future wife were visiting we saw them in London for one afternoon - did invite them here but they wanted to meet up. Also my only other sibling lives in Thailand.....could set a precidence here!!!