what to do re friend and dh

[ineedyourhelp]

a friend of mine sends her child (3yrs old) to my friend a childminder. a month or so ago i see said child at shop with childminders 6yr old.

i send a note to my friend (of the child) saying what i saw but didnt sign it

friend with child was upset and took child out of cm straight away

my cm friend also upset but i couldnt say what i had done

anyway after a few weeks i broke and told dh what i had done

dh went to pub with friends dh tonight and told him what i had done

so upset dont want cm friend to find out so messed up dh has fallen into a coma shortly after telling me what he did so will have to deal with him tomo

cheeseandgherkins - we have a newsagents 3 doors up - I'd have no problem with them going there alone, so I think the distance is important.

Less important than writing an anonymous note though, then having the temerity to blame someone else (her DH) for the situation she (the OP) now finds herself in.

I don't get why you did the anon note, OP? Sounds as if you already spoke to CM about it, so she knows you saw the incident. The mum of the 3yo has told CM why she was taking her child away. Unless the CM really is very stupid indeed, surely she has already figured who wrote the anon note?

Your friend who is the mother of the 3yo will rightly be perplexed about why you didn't just talk to her about it tbh.

What are you afraid is going to happen now?

SGB is not horrible!!!

And if the CM hadnt already guessed it was you who told the mother, what with you having already confronted her about it then she's a bit thick.

Oh, but as an aside, your DH is way way way out of line.

I don´t agree that distance is important tin this case.

CM is being paid to-child mind, not let her 6yr old do it.

But I really don´t understand why you couldn´t tell your friend what you saw.

Who looks after friend´s child now?

Anonymous note? Vile behaviour.

Your husband is actually helping you by taking responsibility for your cowardly actions!

I think that you should be able to tell your DH anything and not have the stupid bugger repeat it and you are quite right to be very angry with him.

I understand why you wrote the note. You were trying to put right something which was wrong, but at the same time not lose friends. I think you were caught between a rock and a hard place.

I also think distance to shop is not relevant. If a parent chooses to let their own child go the shop, then that is their decision. It is not the place of a childminder to make that choice for the parent. Childminder has been paid to look after the child and was not doing so.

I think you have been given a hard time here and I don't think that's entirely fair. It would have been easier for you to ignore what you saw, but you tried to do the right thing. Perhaps it was the wrong approach, but I'm not sure how you could have maintained friendships with both women if you had spoken up at the time. It is out of your hands now and you will just have to accept whatever comes, but console yourself with the thought that the child concerned is now being looked after in a manner that her parents are happy with.

Whilst I don't agree with the anonymous note that you sent, I think that you did it with the best of intentions, I personally would have told the parent in person and I would also be having serious words with the other friend (CM) and telling them that they have a responsibility to her clients children.

I think I would also be thinking about reporting her too, how many other lo's does she do this with and no one knows about it, what could a 6 yr old do if something happened to a younger child, she needs to wake up and answer to her neglectful behaviour.