non-baby friendly in-laws..HELP!!

[downpipe]

Due to visit my in-laws with my 11 month old crawling baby who pulls himself up and wants to pick up and eat everything within reach.MIL has lots of china arranged at baby-level on a low shelf.Last time we went she got upset because he crawled over to the shelf, picked up and dropped one of her precious ornaments before I could get there to stop it..DH and FIL just sat watching TV and didn't help.Everyone else whose house we go to doesn't mind moving the breakables out of the way but she refuses to do this and instead thinks I should control my baby and keep him away from her ornaments.It would be very easy just to clear this one shelf and put it all back once we leave.It's made me reluctant to go and stay there again as I find this all quite stressful.Our own house has a babysafe play area but hers has none.She expects him to sit quietly and play with a cuddly toy but he is a boy!!They haven't helped by getting anything like a highchair for when we visit and aren't prepared to make small safety changes.DH has said he will talk to her but it's caused arguments between us.Anyone else had this problem? What can I /should I do?Help!!!

how about leaving mil in charge for an hour? or even less. an hour when he's fed and happy, not likely to sleep - and very likely to decline all offers of sitting still and playing with a teddy bear in favour of crawling round the sitting room grabbing breakable ornaments off low shelves. I'd give her about 20 minutes before she cracks.Just say you need to pop to the post office and would she mind keeping an eye on him. it'll do her good.

"She expects him to sit quietly and play with a cuddly toy but he is a boy!!"

If you carry on with that type of thinking, in 13 years he'll be sitting on his arse on the sofa next to his father and you'll still be the one running around.

Her house, she shouldn't have to move her stuff. Equally, you can't be expected to monitor him in an interesting environment for hours on your own. Limit visits (time wise), take a high chair and join FIL on the sofa before your DH gets a chance to. A 'special' toy or two that live at their house might be handy too.

I have a DD who is 2 (3 the end of September) and a DS who's 6 months (and not a prob cos he is happy on playmat/in doorbouncer/in bumbo and doesn't move much!). We tried taking a travel gate but they wouldn't let us put it up because it was difficult for the cat. The same cat that they refused to shut a door on to stop it from going downstairs while our newborn was sleeping because it hardly ever goes downstairs (not really the point when it could suffocate their grandaughter surely!? And I saw it downstairs a number of times - M/FILs house is a bit of a weird layout with the bedrooms downstairs). Even before we stopped going to see them we only went every few months so DD wouldn't remember where she could/couldn't go and what she could/couldn't touch and she was a fair bit younger.
I expect my childrn to understand what no means but I tend to choose my battles and I don't enjoy saying it to DD constantly all day when it's not necessary. It's extremely frustrating for us both.
When/if I am a grandparent if I have to move a few things in order to make my grandchildren safe then I will - it won't be a matter of my children/children in law expecting me to do anything.
M/FIL won't have the grandchildren without us present so hatwoman's suggestion isn't an option either.

Sorry to hijack the thread OP but I feel your pain!

Apparently when I was about 9 months old my parents took me to visit an elderly couple. The lady sat me down on a chair and gave me a china horse to play with.

Apparently the horse and I both escaped unscathed...

Just to add if DD did damage anything expensive of my inlaws they would not under any circumstances let us pay for it but would also not let it go.
I understand they are well within their rights to have their house as toddler unfriendly as they like but I am also well within my rights to not take my children there

YANBU your poor DS! My mum is a bit like this- loads of breakable old tat-- stuff at child level in her flat that is then inevitably knocked over by one of her boisterous GC as the race past. Will she move it? Will she hell.

I'd not bother going to them so much and if they ask I'd tell them why. If you think he's bad now wait another year- you'll all be on tenterhooks when he is being quiet because he's probably up to no good

BTW don't think your DS is like this because he's a boy- girls the same age are exactly the same. My DD hasn't stopped moving from one disaster to another since she started crawling at 8 months old.

I have a similar situation with my inlaws. Their house is not toddler or child friendly, not with ornaments, but with tools, saws, hammers etc. I have a very inquistive 2.8 yr old and a baby (immobile at mo)!

However I do not expect them to change anything about their house for our visits - it is their house and not everyone wants a child-friendly house. But I can rely on help to look after the children while they're their and everyone mucks in.

YABU to expect them to change anything about their house for you - but YANBU to expect help from them or DH in looking after your boy.

I think it's a real shame people saying "oh just don't visit them" - we've all got to rub along haven't we?

OH and get yourself an IKEA highchair - they come apart really easily and are all we needed.

What I would do is send child with your DH and you stay at home. Let them cope on their own and they might learn.

Definitely do not say NO all the time to your child, really not recommended at all.

If you get tired of chasing toddler, pick him up and plonk him on DH's lap. Rinse, repeat until DH gets the message.

i am going to put a different perspective, your son's.
my grandma was like that, pride herself in the fact that the house was full of breakables and hazardous stuff at toddler level and nobody touch a thing, my parents tip toe around her and so made me, and true, i never broke a thing, i was that scared. don't get me wrong, i loved the woman, but even in my 30s, years after she passed away, i still remember that in my infancy and childhood i wasn't allowed to move, she also expected me to sit down quietly holding a doll or stuff toy, rather victorian i should say.

I wouldnt trust any of them to care for my child alone at that point. Whats more important, her china or the fact that your child could be potentially cut or hurt by the china if he got his hands on it. Does your MIL interact with your child? If not dont bother visiting. She doesnt sound like she wants to know really.

Haven't had a chance to read through the whole thread, but my instinct from your post alone OP, was to say take a travel cot and use it as a playpen. That said, I think your ILs are quite unreasonable. Did your DH pop out of your MIL's lady garden aged 5 or something?! Can't honestly believe this woman thinks you can or should control an 11-month-old to that degree! I would have a bash at talking to her about it. If that fails, I would tell your DH that since they are his parents, he has to take primary care of your DS when you are in that house. If that proves problematic for whatever reason, I would resort to telling the ILs that until they provide a safe environment for your DS, the only environment they will be seeing him in is the one you provide at home!

'I can't believe people are saying don't visit! How mean are you lot!

my IL's have a lot of crap ornaments in their house as well as cupboards with bleach etc, drinks trolleys and very steep stairs.
I took some toys and a box with me to be stored under the spare bed when we visit and DD@s have known from a small age that they can play in the spare room, in teh garden or in a certain area of the sitting room on their own but if they move anywhere else then they get followed.
I have had to say NO a few times, it will not harm your children if they have to learn not to touch some things.
We take a highchair and any other equipment with us, why should they keep loads of stuff in their house for the few days every few weeks we are there?

Do you really think you can teach an 11 month old where they can and can't go? I don't think anyone's being mean - we're just saying that if GPs are not prepared to make the environment safe for their GC's then they have see them somewhere that is safe. No-one is saying they can't see them. It's not really fair to shove a baby in a playpen for ages just cos that's what they did in their day.

You can't teach them but there is a middle ground. Why don't you move the fucking ornaments if you think that's the only way your IL's will see your pfb. ffs.

Sorry. I am going to elave and hide this tehrad as my MIL is in hospital right now very very ill and I am not thinking straight.

Because you don't know my in-laws and it would cause a serious atmosphere. If you read my posts my in-laws do see my pfb and my psb just not in their house.
Sorry your having a hard time at the minute with your MIL being ill but please don't take it out on people you know nothing about.

If it's one shelf and that easy to move I'd simply walk in and move it all myself then put it back at the end of the visit without even asking her.

AH, haven't seen any other threads. But then I'm bloody-minded and would still do it. I know my mum thinks it's cheeky that I just brought a moses basket to hers to store away for ds' naps but then she would have told me she had no room for it. I simply found room and tidied it away nicely.

OP - tell your DH that you are not prepared to go to your in-laws unless he pulls his weight and helps you watch your DS, for a start!

The situation you describe is stressful, and we have had similar at the GPs houses before (ESPECIALLY at GreatGM's!!!!). However the fact that you say in your OP that everyone who's house you go to moves things for you, makes me think you are a bit over the top about this.

If you are that worried, take a playpen, and maybe surreptitiously move a few ornaments, or get your DH to speak to HIS parents about it.

I think yabu. they have had their children and now have the luxury of having their house how they like it. If they don't want to install safety things that's their prerogative.

As for the highchair, I don't think you should be expecting them to buy one. Your child, you buy one.
If I were you I would invite them round to you more often, that way you can relax and not have to worry about him bashing around the house!

Its fairly simple, just take a travel cot with you! How easy is that, its not like you are going to leave the baby in it for hours is it? I dont know what the fuss is about when there is an easy option. It really doesnt hurt a baby once in a while to be in a play pen for goodness sake!

you need to accept gp not compelled to change their home to accommodate your baby.as adults without baby why should they?you are the mum you need to be vigilant not them