to make a 14 yr old come home when it's getting dark?

[EccentricaGallumbits]

DD is out with friends. Just sitting on the common. I told her earlier to be home before dark and she's not. so I just phoned her and she argued. We live in the safest place on the planet.
Am I a killjoy or is 9.15 reasonable?

Perfectly reasonable!

Er no! IT may be the safest place on earth, but it's all about setting boundaries and yours are, home before dark! (Mine are the same with my 14 year old, btw!)

she's got 5 minutes before i go and find her. in my pyjamas.

YANBU
see this story !www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-10887125

she just rang to say could she be half an hour and walk backwith her mates. i said no. which now means she has to walk back alone, in the dark. but if i'd have said yes then the boundry would be obliterated.
bloody hell. my first teenage boundry ishoo!

I dunno ..mine used to sit on the green after dark .but it was only across the road

I would rather she walked back with her mates

Hmm I would have let her walk with her mates, rather that than alone in the dark, and then address the issue when she's safe home.

At least it was over a year that it happened, it could have been on her 13th B/D

i am now also going to be cross with the friends if they let her walk home alone.

bollocks. i've done it all wrong.

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dont think we can ever do "right" tho. But boundaries are important. My 13 yo DS has to be home when its dark, regardless of the time of year.

she's back. apparantly it didn't look dark on the common

Lol don't you just love em

Glad she's home

Trouble is, with the mates walking back thing, at some point, someone will be left walking alone, right? And then I feel compelled to make sure they are safely home!

It is a bloody minefield with teenagers! I always get the text saying, 'can I just stay for another XXXX mins?' I always sound like such an old bag saying no, but rules is rules! I am not an unreasonable mother, but if you start relaxing the rules, then they start to take the piss.

You did it just right.

9.15 sounds reasonable to me and you now.

But if I look back to my teenage years, I remember what a sensible girl I was, and how my mum would not trust me and make me get in the house before dark. I remember how fum it was just sharing stories and jokes with my friends, and how embarrased I was when I had to get back home...before dark when everyone else stayed on. Mostly I remember how my mum's lack of trust made me distance myself from her gradually until I became an obedient stranger to her. I remember how I couldn't wait to get to 18 and leave to college and live my life as I wish. I did, I partied a lot, been alone in unfriendly neighbourhoods, took risks, drank and smoked and had boyfriends. Nothing bad ever happened to me: no stabbings, no rapes, no diseases. I am still a stranger to my mum, A polite one.

I've just looked at nancymoggs's link. She seems to be saying that teenagers need to be home in case they are accidentally tazered by the police.....I think I must be an alien - it's the only explanation for the fact that I don't understand anything.

YANBU children shouldn't be out on without an adult after dark

What even a 14 year old? Katie Starr ..its dark at 5 in the winter

Don't be silly, katiestar - we're talking 14 year olds here - how could they live if they were never allowed out after dark? My dd wouldn't be able to go to school, to start with!

It might not have looked as dark in an open space, this time of year...so might be worth setting a curfew by time instead, eg. 9.30.

Otherwise, definitely YANBU! What time do her mates have to be home?

I couldn't agree more with SweetAlice I'm afraid. Clearly it depends on how mature your daughter and her other friends are, but I think to make her be home at the age of 14 by 9.15 in the summer holidays is a little early.

Clearly it's important that she sticks to your rules, but have you ever wondered why she's so reluctant to leave? Probably because none of her other friends have to be back home that early. You said that you live in a very safe place, and I think the other parents have probably acknowledged that a little more when giving a curfew to their teenagers. I know you're well-intentioned but perhaps now would be the time to give her a little more independence? Why not let her come home a bit later (9.45 or 10.00?) so long as she's with friends the whole time and texts you to let you know when she's leaving and see how she deals with it.

If she's sensible and doesnt start taking the piss then that's great- it shows that you both respect each other. If she does start messing about and challenging it even further, then put it back to 9.15.

I just think that so many teens becomes quite disillusioned when they're continually patronised and not trusted by their parents. You ave to acceot that at 14 she's starting to become a young adult and that you're going to have to give her more and more independence. If she feels that youdon;t trust her., she'll just rebel regardless.

Usual suspect/seeker- surprised you think it's OK for teens to hang about in the dark.Mine don't .Obviously I'm not talking about coming home from school in the afternoon.Have a bit of common sense (rolls eyes)