I have a (younger) friend who is 20, who I used to "mentor" in an informal sense, and who has made me god-mother of her gorgeous baby, which I am so proud of!
However....she used to be so hard working and self-diciplined, and I used to be so impressed with her. Then, she fell pregnant, and it all went downhill. Her baby, of course, is a lovely blessing. But it is the attitude of my friend, since becomming a mum, that is really driving me up the wall! She was determined to move out of her mums when pregnant last year, so after living in shared accommodation, which she hated, she was given a decent 2 bed council flat when the baby arrived. Everything was going ok, for a few months, then, she invited this guy (not baby's dad), who she had only known for 5 months after meeting online to live with her. He did manage to get some work in his manual labour trade for a couple of months down here, but then he got sacked, and instead of looking for another job, he and my girl decided he should start up his own business in his trade as he would get more money, so he did, and printed leaflets, did a website etc and they were very optimistic about it all. That was three months ago. He has not had any clients or any business of any sort. He is claiming JSA, yet is not looking for anything else, because he feels that he shouldn't be getting other work, when he has a 'business to sort out'. So he sits at home and plays call of duty til the cows come home, he doesn;t even go and deliver his leaflets anymore. he just sits and waits for someone to 'require his services'.
Meanwhile, my girl was on maternity all this time (works in a department of my old work), but this week she started back for 2 days a week (16 hours so she can still get tax credits) now baby is rising a year. Met her for a coffee today, and she spent almost the whole time moaning and whining of how she hates the fact she has to go back, how guilty she feels, how she is scared she will miss her DC's most precious moments, and it really upset and unsettled me. I am a SAHM, but only since a couple of years ago since fell pregnant with DD2, and I would have gone back part time this year but fell pregnant with DC4 instead so have postponed the decision. When I had DD1, circumstances forced me to go back full time (5 days a week) and I felt a bit guilty, but accepted DH and I had no other choice if we wanted to keep our house. Went back part-time after DS, which I really enjoyed. Anyway, my point is that I don't really feel like she has any reason to be angry about going back since its only for a couple of days and baby will be left with her partner (who baby sees as daddy anyway, instead of a childminder/nursery) and plus, she is still going to be receiving welfare, so she has it so much better than so many other mums. To me, being a SAHM is a priveledge, certainly not a right, but she is acting as if she has a right to be a SAHM even though her partner is home full time and recieving money for it!
On the other side of the coin, she says money is a real problem for them, and she can't wait for partners business to kick off as they will be so much better off, and maybe then she can give up work. I can really sypathise with her, as there are hardly any families living 'comfortable' at the moment, but....in the last few months they have bought 2 kittens (which are only allowed to be in the kitchen), a second buggy (brand new), a caravan holiday to cornwall, and the worst, a brand new corner setee which takes up most of there sitting room, a thousand times more flash than mine! All these things I feel she doesn't need! To make matters worse, I was telling her how we are taking the DC for their first trip to the zoo, and invited her and baby to come, to which she said 'Oh yes *** loves the zoo, we have been loads of times before!'....Furthermore, she wwas also complaining about the fact that her baby doesn't have a garden to play in, and how she is so desperate to move to a house soon, and how my DCs are so lucky to have a garden and have big bedrooms (although DH and I had to work very hard to get where we are now!)
Its not just that, last month I took care of the poor cats while they were away for a week, and when I open the door to the flat, I was in shock. The flat was in a disgusting state! about 5 days washing up not done, dirty cups and plates in the sitting room, baby's toys everywere, bed not made, no ironing done, clothes and papers everywhere! I washed up and tidied it a bit, and she was very grateful - but I fail to see how it got to that state in the first place - with just one baby, and two adults in the home all day!
I'm so dissapointed in her, and I feel like the ambitious, self-respecting young woman I met a few years back has turned into a "selfish and lazy baby-mumma" as my DH would say. I have kept a bit quiet about it all, as she says that she is fine and doesn't want me to mentor her anymore, but really wants me as a friend instead, so I feel like I can't get her to see sense anymore! I really want to talk to her about it though! perhaps write her a letter or something, as it is eating me up inside, but I don't know how to put it all in a way which is not going to offend her, and I don't want to loose her or loose acess to my godchild either.
Any suggestions on what I should do? Sorry this is the longest post ever on MN but I seriously need to offload! Phew, feel a lot better now