or should I just bite my tongue?

[whatcanthematterbe]

Namechanged as DH knows I'm posting this...

In June, BIL asked DH (electrician) if he'd do some work for him. The work would take about 1 week and, as they live 5 hours away, DH, DS and I would stay with MIL (who is lovely). She was thrilled about this as she has only seen DS twice since he was born (he is 5 months), and she is itching to spend time with him.

As we have a cat, we told BIL that we would have to see if we could arrange cat care. The cat is getting on a bit, and is quite fussy. I asked my dad (who has looked after her a couple of times in the past) if he could look after the cat at his house, and he said it would be fine. The only problem was that he was due to visit my sister and her DDs in the States - he does this 2-3 times a year. He said he was due back this weekend, and that he'd be able to take the cat at the end of next week.

It was a bit of a longer wait than he had anticipated, but BIL was okay with the work starting at the end of next week, and MIL was really happy that she would get to spend some quality time with DS.

Last night, my dad emailed to say he had changed his travel plans, and that he won't be returning for another couple of weeks. My sister has some blood tests, etc, and I suppose he wants to stay on to help with his GCs.

It was clear from his email that he had completely forgotten that we were relying on him to look after the cat. I know it seems petty when my sister is having tests, but it isn't anything life threatening and, to be honest, there is a long history of everything else taking a backseat when she 'needs' something (usually something trivial, like shopping or attention).

I'm really upset because we can't afford a pet sitter or a cattery, and the neighbours who normally feed the cat if we go away for a couple of days are on holiday (which is why I asked my dad). Cat is cranky and doesn't like being left alone for long periods of time. If my dad hadn't agreed to help, DH wouldn't have taken on the job.

I now have to spend the week by myself with DS, as DH can't let his brother down - BIL just can't wait any longer. MIL will be gutted when we tell her, and DH is annoyed because he only agreed to do the work so MIL could spend some time with DS. He also doesn't want to spend the week away from DS unnecessarily. DS is ebf, so taking him without me is not an option (not that I'd want to be without him for a week).

I'm also disappointed that I won't get to go away - I was really looking forward to having MIL's help for a few days. Everything was arranged and my dad just forgot

I don't want to upset my dad, but he has a bit of a habit of forgetting other commitments when my sister is around. I really want to say something to him, otherwise I'll just end up slapping a smile on my face and biting my tongue when he gets back (not for the first time), but I also don't want to make him feel bad.

So, AIBU for wanting to say something, or will it just upset him unnecessarily?

i'd tell him.....or you will resent him, he'll notice but not know why your pi.....ed with him..

id say something.
if this was a 1 off then that would be different.

I would tell him as well in a non confrontational 'oh well, DH wil have to go on his own if you can't watch the cat, what a shame' so you egt your point but don't leave yourself open for 'who is more important, your sister or the cat' type arguments, which is how it would work in my family

Isd there really no-one else who can feed the cat? Some catteries do house visits/sitting or do any of your friends have older children who could use some holiday cash to do it? (i mena a couple of quid though, not loads)

Could you possibly take the cat with you?

Is there a local teenager who would feed the cat? Do any of your friends have older DCs who would do it for a small amount of cash?

Re your father - yes, mention what a shame it was you couldn't go and MIL couldn't spend time with DS so he gets the point, but without a huge drama - the tests could be genuinely worrying your father.

Is your cat ok in the car? If so would your Mil mind you taking him with you?

Or as Ilythia says you may be able to find someone locally who will come over a couple of times a day to feed/ fuss your cat. I did this for a couple when I was 13. They went to their caravan every second weekend- they only paid me £5 for the weekend but I was happy with the bit of extra money.

cant you take the cat with you? or maybe BIL could contribute towards a cattery/sitter as your DH is doing work for him?

Yanbu but could MIL come and stay with you for the week/couple of days? You should point it out to your dad that he has let you down.

Thanks everyone maybe I will say something in a non-confrontational way.

Unfortunately, we can't take the cat. MIL has an open door policy, and there are constantly GCs wandering in and out of the house. The cat would be gone like a shot!

We've wracked our sleep-deprived brains, but we can't really think of anyone else to look after the cat. Friends have babies rather than older DCs, and no-one lives close enough to easily drop round. The closest would have to take a couple of buses each way.

I'll look at sitters (cat gets stressed in catteries), and maybe see if BIL will contribute - I was recently made redundant, which is why there's no spare cash good idea thrifty.

Take the cat with you. I wouldn't say anything to your Dad though - your sister is overseas, are there really that many times where "everything else taking a backseat when she 'needs' something (usually something trivial, like shopping or attention)?" I know you're disappointed with him, but look at it from his position - one daughter needing blood tests for something (even if you say it's not for anything serious) and one wanting the cat looking after. If she lived up the road then I'd be saying have a word, but as she's in the US I don't blame him for staying on if he can.

eastendmummy MIL was originally going to come and visit, but when we arranged to go up to see her, she agreed to look after SIL's pets while she is on holiday! Her memory is clearly better than my dad's...

Maybe she can visit later in the year though.

Have emailed my dad and mentioned that DH will probably be at MIL's when he gets back - maybe it will ring a bell. If not, I might say something to him (gently) when he gets back (or I might just chicken out).

I'm not completely heartless - I would have understood if he had said he was sorry that he couldn't look after the cat, and that something had come up. It's just that he has a tendency to forget everything else where my sister is concerned, even if she is in the States. He will quite literally drop everything and catch the next flight out if she calls and asks him to come. Sister has always been a complete PITA, and the last time I spoke to her (or rather heard her) was when she started screaming at my dad because she realised he was on the phone to me while he was visiting her - he was letting me know he'd arrived safely. That was over 5 years ago, and I haven't missed her drama a bit.

I honestly think that he finds it easy to forget things where I'm concerned because I don't give him a hard time, like my sister does. I never make a fuss, always agree to rearrange and have never before mentioned it when he has 'forgotten'.

Anyway, enough 'poor me', it's really 'poor MIL' - we are still looking at cat sitters, but DH is dreading having to break the bad news. He said 'she's not interested in me anymore, she's only interested in seeing DS'

Can't believe it took him so long to cotton on

It takes some men a while to cotton on

YANBU btw

I don't suppose there's a mumsnetter anywhere nearby who would be willing (or have an older child) is there??

Can BIL not keep cat?

Can you try other neighbours? I don't know many of my neighbours but if one I didn't know at all rang my doorbell and explained your situation I'd be happy to catsit for them. Assuming it's just feeding and letting in/out it's not challenging when you live very close.