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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with DH getting me to ask DF to bail him out everytime.

22 replies

Hai1988 · 05/08/2010 14:35

Right i realise that subject might not of made much sense, so heres a quick update.

Every-time we are a bit short in the cash department DH always asks me to ask DF to bail us out, which i really don't like doing but feel that i have no choice.

The most recent one was yesterday i h8 to ask my dad to borrow a wooping £500 so my DH could insure the new car he has purchased.

Trouble is i know DF is going to be on MY back util DH pays it all back!!

DH told me when he asked me to ask that he would pay it all back at the end of the month and i told my DF this, but now he is saying that he is going to pay my DF back £60 a month so it is going to be quite a while until i can get DF off my back !

DF IS My dad btw, just in case anyone didn't know.

OP posts:
zandy · 05/08/2010 14:38

Just say no next time. Tell him if he can't afford it, then to wait for it.

It is INCREDIBLY selfish to put upon your parents in this way.

YABU to give in to it.
YANBU to getting fed up with it.

mumblechum · 05/08/2010 14:39

Good grief, he's an adult, why is he asking your dad to bail him out? Surely he will have calculated the cost of insurance before he bought the car?

Sorry but your dh learns to budget like any other adult, I'd be mortified if I had to ask my parents for money. That all stopped when I was 18.

GeekOfTheWeek · 05/08/2010 14:39

YANBu

Not fair on your dad imo.

MorrisZapp · 05/08/2010 14:40

The reason why your DF is on your back is that he probably doesn't see it as lending money to your DH - he sees it as lending to you as a couple, after all, you are married.

So it doesn't really matter to him whose car it is that needs insured, it was you that asked for the money and you who has to take responsibility for paying it back.

Is your DH a bit crap with money or are you having a bad patch just now?

I wouldn't borrow money from family unless utterly desperate, and tbh I'd prefer not to have to lend it either.

Presume your DH needs his car for work and it was a sensible purchase? If not then he should have thought of whopping insurance before going ahead.

getabloodygrip · 05/08/2010 14:42

Hang on, DH can afford a new car without checking that he cannot in fact afford the insurance? Why isn't he paying the insurance by monthly direct debit instead if anything?

But that is pretty crap behaviour on your DH's part. Next time tell him that if he wants to ask, he can bloody well ask himself. That will hopefully make him stop and think about it. You absolutely should not be doing this.

Stop now, as YABU in doing it, but NBU in being fed up. This is partly of your own making by being a pushover in acquiescing to your DH's requests.

ConnorTraceptive · 05/08/2010 14:45

Stop asking your father to bail you out FGS.

Sorry but this is a problem of your own making here

Bumpsadaisie · 05/08/2010 14:47

Pathetic. What kind of bloke sponges off his wife's father? Sorry, but your DH needs to develop a spine and grow up.

My DH was made redundant and we were very grateful for a loan of a few thousand from my parents to tide us over while we relocated and DH found new work. Now he has done so he is adamant about starting to pay them back asap.

He would rather die than borrow money from either sets of parents, unless it was a moment of real necessity.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 05/08/2010 14:51

getabloodygrip You are totality right i am being a pushover and it is so annoying that i give in !!!!

Think i will tell him to ask him self next time (i dont want there to be, but i know there will be)

DH did check that he could insure it but when he got the car and phoned up they said they couldnt insure him on this new car evan tho is was a smaller engined car !!( bloody direct line )

MorrisZap Yes it was a sensible purchase the car is to be used to get him to work and also for the family at weekends, so i had no problem with him buying the car.

Yes he is pretty crap with money!!!!

OP posts:
needafootmassage · 05/08/2010 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loshad · 05/08/2010 14:54

Also has your Dh thought about the fact that if he pays your DF back at £60 per month then it will take him all year and the car will need insuring again! - why couldn't he pay monthly like the rest of us, and direct line aren't the only car insurers.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 05/08/2010 14:55

i just realised i said that DH said he would pay it all back at the end of the month.

What actually happened was i told DF that DH would pay it all back at the end of the month, but DH didn't actually say this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hai1988 · 05/08/2010 14:58

Loshad I realise this it was originaly only suposed to be the first payment, but somehow it got changed into the anual payment

I know that which is why we are not with them anymore.

OP posts:
Morloth · 05/08/2010 15:11

I think you need to stop sponging off your dad.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/08/2010 16:36

I also think you need to stop allowing your husband to bleed your dad dry. It's horrible.

If he wants money, he should at least ask himself!

In your shoes, I'd say no. I am not asking my dad for any more money, ever. We are using him and it's not right.

Or "ask him yourself."

It's just plain wrong of your husband to behave this way.

What would he do if the cash stopped coming? Would your dad suffer? Does your husband feel an entitlement or is he very grateful?

Lulumaam · 05/08/2010 16:46

I might be confusing you with someone else, OP, but i thought your DH was abusive and you were trying to leave? apologies if that was not you

it is not a sensible purchase, even if he needs it for work and to take the family out at weekends, if he cannot afford the insurance.

why could he not pay for it monthly ? if he was going to pay back your father monthly, surely he could pay a direct debit every month

what would happen if your Dad did not have £500 spare?

can he afford to tax the car?

Lulumaam · 05/08/2010 16:47

ah right, i see he had a problem with the insurers

in which case you get on line to confused.com or somewhere like it, and spend an hour finding a new and most likely more cost effective insurance.

i pay £28 a month fully comp via esure. but not a brand new car.

Angelcat666 · 05/08/2010 17:13

Why can't he ask his own parents for help?

I agree with the others, you have to tell your DH no next time. I also think you should pay it back when you said you would, or at least as much as possible.

mumblechum · 05/08/2010 18:16

Hai, why should there be a next time? tbh I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't have enough pride to be self sufficient (dire emergency excepted).

miniwedge · 05/08/2010 18:24

you are both sponging off your dad. He get on your case because you ask him so often for money.
Why are you both so short that you need to ask for cash? I would look at the household budget and get smarter with your income rather than looking to an easy bail out.

Say no to your husband in future or tell him to source his own cash loans.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 05/08/2010 18:31

GEt DH to do the asking for any money he wants, not get you to do his dirty work. Just refuse.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 06/08/2010 11:28

Thanks all advice greatly recived.
Will not be doing this anymore !!!

DH needs to sort out the finances if he aint got the money he cant do or buy want he wants simples !!

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/08/2010 07:10

Do come back and let us know what happens when you refuse.

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