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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DC2 should get some new clothes?

50 replies

Notmorehandmedowns · 05/08/2010 13:50

My brother and his wife have 2 DDs, 2 years apart. DD2 is ALWAYS dressed in DD1's hand me downs. They bought a new top for DD1 recently when we were all out shopping and when I asked if they were getting DD2 anything they laughed and said 'Yes this in 2 years time'. DD2 is nearly 3, DD1 nearly 5. AIBU to think that it would be nice to get your DC2 some new things of their own even if a lot of their stuff is their older sisters? I should say that the clothes also look worn - DD2 does not look well dressed - and they have enough spare money to spend on other stuff, X box games, cases of wine and stuff.

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 05/08/2010 20:16

YANBU, I do think its sad when subsequent children get treated differently and dont get new clothes/toys.

I'd spoil the younger more on birthdays/xmas to make up for her parents.

gorionine · 05/08/2010 20:20

HappyMummy, actually by wearing their older sibling clothes surely it makes them treated exactly the same?

OP I think YABU. There is so much waste nowadays a bit or clothes recycling does not hurt anyone!

zapostrophe · 05/08/2010 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mitochondria · 05/08/2010 20:25

YABU.

My 3 year old gets his 5 year old brother's hand me downs. Not treating them differently, as much of it was secondhand in the first place.

If the child doesn't care, and the parents don't care - why do you?

dobbyssocks · 05/08/2010 20:42

YABU my ds2 has all of ds1's clothes. We have bought him the odd top here and there but mainly he's in hand me downs. Some are 3rd hand having been passed down from cousin to ds1 and to ds2 - still look good. For some reason I'll need to buy ds2 a winter coat this year, cannot for the life of me find ds1's old age 2 one!

As long as the child doesn't mind I don't see the problem I'm intending to do it until ds2 objects but I can't see that happening for a long time!

mumeeee · 05/08/2010 23:01

YABU.

SlackSally · 05/08/2010 23:12

Hmmmm. The non-wasteful part of me wants to tell you you're being unreasonable.

BUT.

I am the middle of three sisters. My older sister is 2 years older than me, and my younger sister is a lot younger.

I always got hand-me-downs while my big sister got new stuff. By the time little sister came along most of these clothes had been given away so she also got new. I do remember feeling quite put out that I was always the one in hand-me-downs. In fact, I remember feeling generally pissed off with my middle-child status. Worst of both worlds IMO. I therefore intend to be very careful not to treat my middle child like this, should I ever have one.

Rationally, I know this is a little bit insane, so I will try to find a balance.

megapixels · 05/08/2010 23:12

YABU. None of your business too.

megapixels · 05/08/2010 23:15

"I'd spoil the younger more on birthdays/xmas to make up for her parents. "

Ha Ha Ha at the logic of saying that the parents are treating the younger child differently and then resolving to do it yourself.

paisleyleaf · 05/08/2010 23:16

Perhaps looking 'well dressed' isn't important to the 3 year old.

wonka · 05/08/2010 23:21

judgy much???
I love putting things on my DS 3 that 1&2 have both worn.. brings back a lot of memories... has meant we have needed to write their names on the back as they all look alike... can't wait to see it all again on no.4.. Obv.. if it is wrecked it goes in the bin!
Any judgements to pass on me?

wonka · 05/08/2010 23:22

names on the back of photos that is.. Bed time!

tuggy · 06/08/2010 08:41

YABU. very sensible of them

Ilythia · 06/08/2010 08:46

YABU. I was the 4th daughter and I don't think I had anything new until I was about 6 or 7 and we all got home made knitted jumpers with our names on. Which I wish I hadn't It did not bother me in the slightest, they were still clean (really grubby ones got used as rags) and serviceable so why not wear them?

The vast majority of DD1's wardrobe are hand me downs from her boy cousins. They are only clothes. Not love.

BaggedandTagged · 06/08/2010 08:49

YABU- younger siblings get such an easy gig compared to the oldest ones that they deserve to suffer in as many small ways as possible to even things up.

from a bitter oldest sibling

Morloth · 06/08/2010 08:51

DS2 is pretty much in DS1's old clothes now, I had to buy new baby stuff because I gave it all away (stupid stupid) but now he is wearing a lot of stuff.

He will be doing so until he cares and given that he is almost 2x the size that his brother was at this age I expect that it might go the other way as well.

picc · 06/08/2010 08:53

Ridiculous! Sorry! And wasteful, and materialistic, and un-environmentally friendly....

I'm a DD2, and always wore hand-me-downs. And they were often handed down from another family, so had often been worn by 2 people before they were even passed to us. Only when I got to, say, junior school did it begin to matter to me a bit. And then mostly because my sister was very slim and I.. erm... wasn't!

DS wears clothes that have been given to me by other people. What is the point of chucking perfectly good clothes? Clothes can be bought cheaply nowadays, but this is mainly because they are made using cheap labour. And whether cheap or more expensive, they still use resources when they are made.

I'm expecting DC2, and we've been told he's a boy. If he is, he'll be wearing hand-me-downs from DS(1) (which were already hand-me-downs....)

Morloth · 06/08/2010 08:55

I am DC5 and still have a jumper that I wear that belonged to my eldest sister (thought it is a "house" jumper now).

Why buy new stuff if you don't need to? My tequila money has to come from somewhere you know.

OrmRenewed · 06/08/2010 10:56

You see my kids survived largely in hand-me-downs which is why I could afford to buy them one or two special things - DD had a lovely hand-made party dress when she was 6. Cost me quite a lot and i don't suppose she's have got that if I had to buy all her jeans and t-shirts as well.

Original poster

Notmorehandmedowns · 06/08/2010 11:03

Ooh, well that told me!

I?m not a materialistic nightmare myself actually, I recycle and put my own DC in hand-me-down clothes sometimes, but I also like getting them new ones that they look nice in. My problem with the only hand-me-downs approach is that DD2 looks scruffy as the clothes she has are pretty battered, compared to DD1 who is in new stuff. Seems a bit unfair and a few people did say that. It may be the case that kids that age don?t care about clothes as such, but do people not think that kids pick up a vibe of being second best if they never get bought anything new and their older sibling does?

Lots of people asking how is it my business ? well if everything posted on AIBU had to be strictly speaking that person?s business, then it?d be a lot shorter. Just thought I would post my view and see if others shared it.

OrmRenewed you said ?And this "and they have enough spare money to spend on other stuff, X box games, cases of wine and stuff" I'm afraid lost you any sympathy at all ? ? why? Seems reasonable to me to ask whether people think parents should always spend money on their own leisure activities/stuff for them, rather than stuff for their DC. Sure, they already have clothes for DD2, but then you could also argue that they have X Box games already and could play them again . I know if it was me, I would feel guilty that EVERY month my spare money went on things for me, DH and DD1 but never on DD2.

Also I wanted to make it clear that this is their choice, as they have money to spend, it?s not a case of them being so broke they can?t afford the clothes. I knew that was the first thing people would say otherwise. Anyway, with kids clothes so cheap in Tesco and Asda now why wouldn?t you every now and then get DD2 a little something as well as new clothes for yourself? My brothers wife went shopping this week and was telling me about clothes she got for herself and also for DD1. I kept my mouth shut and said nothing, by the way.

oneofthosedays asked why I didn?t buy their DD2 clothes for birthday or Xmas if I was so bothered. I have! So far I have seen her wear ONE top out of what I bought her. And before anyone suggests it, I buy her nice things, same as I get for my own DC, and I have excellent taste . They just don?t seem bothered about making DD2 look nice and that seems unfair to me when they do bother for DD1. DD2 gets absolutely nothing new.

OP posts:

Onetoomanycornettos · 06/08/2010 11:13

There's a big difference between using the nicest of the previous child's clothing, throwing away the really stained stuff and getting the odd new outfit for the second child (which is what I've done) or just dressing the second child in any old tatty hand-me-downs. I have a friend who dressed her little girl in her older brother's clothes completely, they were stained, scruffy with the odd hole and had boys logos on them. Yes, I did think that was a bit mean, and no, I wouldn't do that myself so YANBU in my opinion if that's what she's doing.

OrmRenewed · 06/08/2010 11:26

I objected to that statement because it bought an unpleasantly judgemental moralistic tone to your post. If their wine and X-box buying meant that they children we badly-fed, or clothed in rags, or more importantly neglected or unhappy, I would probably agree. But new clothes to a very young child mean nothing. And there is nothing wrong with second-hand clothes per se - they are not an indicator of a lack of love or care.

SeaTrek · 06/08/2010 11:29

YABU

Maybe when she is 5/6 and really starts to notice/care but up until then why bother?

bronze · 06/08/2010 11:37

I don't uy my younger ones new clothes but I do this fully in the knowledge that other people do.
They couldn't care less

The eldest always has too many clothes anyway so by the time you weed out the tat theres still enough.

Onetoomany- I was always wanting my brothers old worn stuff. I survived

tryingtoleave · 06/08/2010 12:27

I think that when children are so young the way they are dressed is more about what the parents like than what the children want - the children don't really care. I dress my dcs a bit smarter than most of the scruffy children I see on the toddler circuit but that is because it makes me happy to see them dressed nicely - so buying them smart clothes is really like buying myself something. That doesn't make me a better parent than a parent that dresses their dcs in hand-me-downs and buys wine or games to make themselves happy.

There is a point at which it does become unfair though. It really rankled with my sister that she had to wear a hand-me-down tent dress that was several years out of fashion in her early teens.

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