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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to knock on a stranger's front door and say...

46 replies

juicychops · 05/08/2010 10:39

'hi, you dont know me but i used to live in this house i grew up here from the age of 4. the house was sold 5 years ago when i was 20 but due to the circumstances i never got to say goodbye and lately ive been thinking about the house in which i grew up. would you mind if i had one last quick look around just to say goodbye and get some closure?'

would you consider this creepy? or would you be happy to let me in for a 5 min look?

OP posts:

shockers · 05/08/2010 11:17

According to our neighbour, the grown up children of the man who used to own our new house have been around peering through the windows whilst we have been renovating (and not living there!). I hope they come when we've finished so they can see that we haven't completely butchered it. There were times when I thought it would never look like a house again.

We had been told that the man who lived there was so grumpy that the paper boy refused to deliver. I imagined him as a wizened cross looking man. Then our neighbour gave us a photo of him and his wife... they looked happy and he was a big kindly looking man. Apparently he was devastated when his wife died and became morose with grief.

I felt much happier in the house once I knew that they'd had a happy marriage there.

I think it would be lovely to hear happy memories about your home... I'd post a note first too though (I'm untidy and would be embarrassed if someone caught me on the hop!)

pagwatch · 05/08/2010 11:20

I took my DCs to look at the house we were in before. We had to go over there anyway and the move had been incredibly difficult ( my dad dies that week and DD nearly did too).

We parked across the road and I pointed out to DD where her nursery had been. Ds2 really enjoyed seeing it again.

I don't think the urge to go back and look is odd at all.
But I would write in advance and ask if it would be OK.

princesspuds · 05/08/2010 11:39

My house used to be the local community centre (Big 5 bedroomed house) and even now when neighbours in the street who I know come in they always comment on how different it looks and what the rooms used to be used for, I find it quite interesting and would love to see any old pics that my neighbours have just to see what it used to be like.

Tas1 · 05/08/2010 12:13

I've just done exactly that!

When I was around 6-9yrs old, we used to live in a lovely pub in a small country village. I have loads of happy memories of living there.
Last week I emailed the owners of the pub and explained that I used to live there. I booked a table for lunch for myself, my mum & sister.
The new owners were lovely and showed us around the pub and even up in the living area. We chatted away and told them what the pub was like back in the 70's and they seemed realy interested.
We then had a walk around the village and then back to the pub for coffee.

We all had a fantastic day.

breatheslowly · 05/08/2010 12:26

Definitely leave a note to arrange a time. I'd get in trouble with DH and my mum if I let a stranger into our house, even though I am 31 .

sanielle · 05/08/2010 12:38

I'd not think it was weird at all.. But then DH grew up in a village (where all his fmaily are from) and we have a brilliant gothic looking photo of his great great grandparents standing in front of the house.. I have been trying to convince him for years that we should ask if we can reconstruct the pic with us looking suitable grumpy. But maybe I am barking?

MumNWLondon · 05/08/2010 12:39

Not ok to turn up. Fine if you write in advance they can always say no. I would be interested in houses history ie what it used to be like.

LucyLouLou · 05/08/2010 12:43

I think this is a bit odd, but I still live in the same town as the house where I grew up (spent 10 years in it) and if I ever walk past it now, I find myself gazing into the windows without thinking. I understand the urge to want to see the house, but I'm not sure I'd go as far as asking for a guided tour!

oneortwo · 05/08/2010 12:45

My mum's done this with a couple of her childhood homes, she thinks its fine to do but its not, the people did let her in but clearly didn't want to, just felt put on the spot and didn't know how to say 'no' as it was the last thing they expected to happen. They obviously couldn't get us out fast enough.

It was really awkward, and I felt so embarrassed being dragged round by my mum who was oblivious to how uncomfortable it was making everyone.

Y'see, there really is nothing in it for the current owners, meeting you is not particularly interesting unless the house has a very interesting history and they're into that sort of thing. (and I don't mean "the bathroom used to be outside").

Margeaux · 05/08/2010 12:50

I'd leave a note with contact details and then they can get in touch if they don't mind. If they agree to it I'd take flowers or chocolates to say thanks.

I often think of asking the people who live in my old house if I can take a cutting from the rose as my Mum and Dad gave it to us for our first wedding anniversary. It's right by the front door so I wouldn't have to intrude.

Go for it OP

mamaloco · 05/08/2010 12:57

I had that 2/3 years ago in the previous flat. A couple turn up were I lived and ask if I knew the owner as they were here 40 years ago. I let them have a look around no bother.

HippyGalore · 05/08/2010 12:59

I would love it if someone came to my house like this, especially if they had pictures from a long time ago. I saw a picture one of my elderly neighbours had of a party in my garden 25 years ago and we realised how bright it could be if just one huge tree was cut back (had grown so much since her pic). We also found interesting colour schemes under wallpaper when decorating and I'd kind of like to see what the room looked like bright orange.

It does seem from other posts I'm unusual, it might vary be which part of the country/city/countryide etc. but what is the worst that can happen?

Original poster

juicychops · 05/08/2010 13:00

thanks everyone i think i may write a letter explaining when i lived there and how old i was etc and leave my number on the letter. Hopefully they will be nice about it, i so so want to see what it looks like and if it still looks the same.

my mum had a traumatic move so didn't get the chance to see the place one last time.

i have millions of photos so if they agree i will take a load with me

im glad so many people here have the same feelings as me - i was beginning to think this longing to see my old house was freekishly weird

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 05/08/2010 13:00

"quick look around just to say goodbye and get some closure?"

Not an unreasonable idea in principle I I'm not sure I'd object but please leave out the 'closure' and 'goodbye' bits. Sounds a bit mad.

emsyj · 05/08/2010 13:16

Someone knocked on my mum's door with this story once. She was busy at the time but told her to come back the next day for lunch, which the lady did, and they had a right old time gossiping about the history of the street and who lived where and what! I'm sure they'd love to see old photos of their house.

LucyLouLou · 05/08/2010 13:36

You're all making me wonder if I could do this....! I would dearly love to have a look inside my old house. I think maybe it's just the pregnancy hormones that are making me think about my childhood, but I would be so happy to see that house again (from the inside rather than through the windows lol). Think I might write a letter as well .

KnitterNotTwitter · 05/08/2010 13:44

I had a man and his son do this. His grandparents lived there (they were the orginal owners and sold it to the people we bought it off. By chance we'd just moved the gas meter and behind it was the original wall paper that his grandpa had probably put up. We tore a bit down and he took it away with him - definitely an emotional moment for him...

deaddei · 05/08/2010 13:54

I did it a few years ago.
It was a house I was born in 1960 (in the front room), and in 2002 dad died in a hospice. It was my parent's only home- they bought it as it was being built in 1950.
I knew a nice young professional couple had bought it, as my brother had spoken to them- so I wasn't really "cold calling".
They invited me in and it was so lovely to see how they'd improved the house- new bathroom and kitchen, central heating......they said when they'd stripped off the anaglypta wallpaper they'd found all the things we'd written on the plaster...height, "deaddei's brother is a poo poo head" etc.
I did cry a bit when I saw my old bedroom- and am so glad I went to see it. They said they felt it had been a happy house- and yes it was.
(despite having the sort of childhood where slaps and thumps were commonplace!)

Lucifera · 05/08/2010 13:55

A man came to our house just last week - I was pottering in the front and he came along on a motor scooter and kind of hovered - then we got talking, house had belonged to friends of his in 80s/90s, think he had stayed there a lot too. Eventually I invited him in, feeling slightly nervous as I was on my own, and it was great hearing his stories and house history. Would I ask myself? Probably not, would be too shy!

SalFresco · 05/08/2010 14:00

I would send a copy of a picture with the note, just incase they started wondering whether it was some sort of scam / freakery!

I don't think I would say yes if it was just a note, but I would with a picture.

My mum now lives in a house that belonged to her best friend when they were teenagers. There is a picture of my mum outside it aged about 14, which is a bit weird!

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/08/2010 14:01

People have done this to me. They lived here in the 50's. I was mortified about the state of the house, but happy to show them round. They then sent me lots of old photos of the house.

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