to want to just give up on everything?

[stepmumtoone]

My life is such a mess right now i mean a real mess, my step-daughter has just been taken away by her mother and we are in the middle of trying to track her down so we can start court proceedings.
Im currently having to stay 150miles away from my house in DP mothers home so we have a better chance of gaining some access to DSD, i have no idea what to do or who to talk to i have no one round this area.
I had to have a miscarriage (my first pregnancy) in my MIL house and because DP didn't want her to know i had/have to act like nothing is wrong when not only am i in pain but very upset about everything. didn't know where to post this but i need a good telling off(pull your socks up it could be worse etc etc) and the best place for that is AIBU

you poor love

it sounds an awful situation to be in - no idea about how to get support for finding your DSD, but it seems to me that your DP should be the one doing the bulk of that work, while you try and recover from your MC.

I also would tell you MIL - unless she is a mmonster, she will want to help and comfort you.

please take care of yourself - you will be grieving for your pregnancy and it will be very hard for a while...

we saw DSD 2 once just long enough for her to learn that there was a baby in my tummy. now shes basically missing again.
DP doing lots but we all have to pull together iyswim
grrrr I just want both babies back
thank you for the reply tante, only reason he doesn't want to tell MIL is she is finding the disappearance of DSD very hard to cope with and he didn't want to add more pressure, which i do understand just having a difficult time and feeling very alone in a strange place x

will keep my fingers crossed that you find your DSD

have an un-MN-like {{{{hug}}}} - you sound as if you could use one...

No you don't need a good telling off, you need hugs, sympathy and support. I do hope things work out and you find your step daughter.

Oh you poor thing - that's just awful. Do you want some MN friends that you are local to? I am sure if you say where you are there will be a lovely MN'er near by to meet for coffee & cake and a bit of a cry...

I hope you get good news about your DSD soon, do you think she's in the UK or has left the UK.

Not sure if this is a good idea or a bad one, but could you put some photos of her on your profile and we could all keep an eye out for her?

Oh I don't think anyone is going to tell you off, you are obviosuly having a horrible time of it.
Did your MIL not knwo you were pg then? I can understand she would be upset but I think you need some support as well. I hope you find your DSD soon, xx

Thank you for all your really kind replies really do think i need to pull my socks up for the sake of everything lol.
chippingin- not sure i explained myself very well this morning (blame lack of sleep. shes definatly in the UK because her mum doesnt have a passport, but we cant start court proceddings against the mother who dumped her on us she was ofcourse wanted by me and her dad but no the less she was dumped with no clothes/bottles/nappies in a couch station. but then ofcourse we have no evidence of this so SS wont do jack all.
mother rang me admiting to 'forgetting' to feed her and change her nappies.... she also 'might' have put salt with her baby milk but because none of this information was written to us we have no bloody proof, she went for visitation wit her maternal grandmother and never came back after a 7week stay at our house where she FINALLY started talking. we have 6 addresses where she might be but we have to have a definate address to send a residency order because if she doesnt turn up there is no proof she got the court papers therefore we would be in the wrong according to solicitors.
we will not see her again if we do not get the order out.
ILYTHIA- no i was early on thats why i expected a telling of baby wasnt planned, and i was 5-7weeks so i should be focusing on other important things atm.
DP is doing all he can he has been amazing throughout and misses his DD more than anything and just a lot
thank you for support girls

very tough and stressfull time for everyone
let's hope you can get good sleep tonight and that soon you can be together at home them

I see. It's so awful for all of you, especially the little one

I really, really hope you find her soon.

I know that you weren't very far along and finding your DSD is very important, but don't overlook your loss in this - it's still very important.

Big hugs for you all and a lot of finger crossing.

yea i think ive been trying to push my baby out of my head, havent managed it though and i was feeling really guilty about hurting because of miscarraige when there was a little girl being hurt that i cant protect IYSWIM? but thank you i am listening and am coming round to the fact if i dont feel it now i will at some point and that wont do anyone any good. xx

No, it wont do you any good not to grieve for your baby and it wont do your relationship any good if you can't talk to your DP about it and for him to acknowledge his loss as well.

I know DSD is more 'real' than an early pregnancy and it's a really awful situation you are in, but you both need to make room for this as well.

Please look after yourself x

Oh sweetheart, it doesn't matter how far along you were, it is still a miscarriage and you still need your space and time to grieve. I don't know, in your situation, how best for you to do this but you must not try and hide your feelings to spare others.
Where are your family? Can you offlaod to a RL friend or your parents at all? x