feeling a tad cornered

[debatendeliberate]

I do a lot for my elderly relatives, they are sisters and have no other close family. I have done errands for them for years and enjoy being a help to them and Im never fed up doing these odd jobs. I shop regularly for them as they are pretty much house bound.

The problem is we are absolutely skint and are constantly dipping in and our of credit cards, over draft and I find it very stressful. Now my elderly rellies have taken to telling me that they have remembered me in thier will and telling me how much they have left me, which is lovely and thoughtful but i get embarrassed and a little bit irritated by this as I think it isnt really appropriate to discuss. I tell them they are very kind etc etc and am keen for them to understand that isnt why I help them out, I do it because I love them......but they do go on about it, to the point I feel like saying "actually I could really do with the money now"

How do i deal with this??

I don't understand? Do you want to know how to get them to stop mentioning it, or how to go about asking for money now?

Can't you just tell them it's very kind, but it makes you feel uncomfortable talking about it because that's not why you help them?

I think they know you have financial problems which is why they are mentioning the legacy. If there's something specific you genuinely need... say the washing machine needed replacing or something... then there would be no harm mentioning that and see what the response is. People do it all the time. They can say 'no' or they can say 'let us treat you to that!'.... they're grown-ups. You don't sound like you would abuse your position of trust.

I have two feelings....the stressed one that says fgs just ask if you can have some money to help out, and the other more realistic me that doesnt like to tlak about such things as it seems so awful to contemplate...

I dont really know what I want to do....

Next time they talk about legacies ask them very simply 'why do you keep telling me about your will?'... Move the conversation on from the 'oh we shouldn't talk about that' roadblock. Elderly people have been there, done that and got the t-shirt. You're unlikely to shock or offend them.

you are right chil...

I need to be to the point, I feel sometimes as though Im almost being teased with this promise and It upsets me a little, firstly to think of them not being there and secondly that they feel that they have to tell me about thier will

They might actually welcome the opportunity to talk about what they want for a funeral etc.

Death is a big taboo subject, but one you inevitably have to think about as you get older. Giving them the space to talk about it might be really useful for them, and may also make you feel less uncomfortable/ upset at the thought of them dying.

What bothers you the most here? That's what's confusing me. Are you ultimately wanting the money now? Or it's more upsetting to face your relatives dying? If it's the latter, I don't think you'll change them, elderly people can be a different species when it comes to this kind of thing. Lacking in tact might be a better way to put it!

Lucylou...it isthe thought of themnot being hereand and the thought that they haveto tell me i am remembered in their will....as i say we dont have a lot of money and it is rather feeling a bit carrot and stick, which upsets me also....

When im older, im dishing all my dosh i have to give befroe i go

Jaybird, you knw you might have hit the nail on the head, i hadnt thought about that ...I will think of a way of broaching that subject.....