not to want to know about her child's brilliant imagination?

[Rillyrillygoodlooking]

I had an email from a lady from my NCT group today, asking how I was and updating me on her children. It was very short.

The only thing she told me about her older DS (2.10) was that he was using his imagination loads. My DS also 2.10, has very little imitative play let alone imaginative play. The last time I saw the woman I told her about our fears that he may be mildly autistic (backed up by one of the health professtionals that he sees).

She knows that this is a gigantic worry to me and she chose to tell me only one thing about her son, his brilliant imagination.

My reaction to her message was to delete it as I am so cross. AIBU?

no, you are not unreasonable

She was, at best, insensitive.
Sometimes people are very strange about theit own hopes and fears for their children and wanting to have a happy, bright child seems to come with the desire to do down other peoples children.
It is most odd.
When DS2 was pretty much non verbal I used to get parents complaining to me about how much their child kept talking at them - not in a natural chatty way but by way of contrast with DS2. It is very hard to understand but it does affect people like that sometimes

I would keep away from her

It was a little insensitive, lets hope she was just being absentminded. YANBU to delete it though.

Are you seeking more help re your ds? I have taught quite a few children with autism and it is so so important that it is recognised early so that you can be given support, but the most important thing for you to remember is that your ds is your own fantastic amazing little boy who will have all his own talents - whether he has autism or not. A label of autism may give you a reason for the way he is but wont change who he is. There is a lot of support out there and there are some very simple things you can do.

hmm. I mean this in the kindest way, but are you sure she's doing this deliberately? and that you aren't just inferring meaning that isn't there? or that she doesn't really understand your worries? or maybe she's trying to say don't worry, he'll develop imagination in time just like her own DS has?

sorry if I'm wrong there, just playing devil's advocate.

if I'm wrong, and she is really doing it deliberately, then no YANBU and she's an evil moo

YANBveryU but you are a little bit over sensitive maybe.
I would like to think she was thoughtless rather than gloating over you.
If you are sure she did it to hurt you that is different of course, but she may just be an airhead; it's a common affliction.

Thanks pagwatch, I think possibly its the only relevant thing they can think to say in a really perverse way.

DS has done everything late, compared with his NCT cohorts. When their DCs were all walking, a couple of them would say "Is he walking yet?" every time they saw me. No he blummin isn't. Thanks for reminding me. He is walking now though!

Sometimes I dreaded NCT meet ups.

Yes, I am very oversensitive about DS. We spend all our time analysing him as we see health professionals quite regularly for other things.

Thinking about it, I remember her saying something to another NCT mum aaaages ago, which at the time I wondered why she said it as it was the complete opposite to what the mum was talking about and sounded like she was bragging.

gingernutlover, thanks for your post. It is hard to concentrate on the good stuff when a lot of the time we have talked about what he isn't doing. He is a lovely boy.

Regardless of your own DS's needs and abilities- telling someone about your child's imagination is boring.

YANBU.

from your last post it sounds like this woman has her own problems - she likes to feel her son is doing better, sounds very competitive. Leave her to get on with it.

She sadly maybe has not realsied that every single child is amazing in their own unique way, and that it doesnt matter what that way is, only that they are appreciated by someone who loves them.

Did she email just you, or was it more of a roundrobin?
Is he her PFB? If so, she may be so focused on his dazzling loveliness and amazing abilities that she forgets there are other people who might feel differently.
She might not even remember her conversation with you.
Perhaps she's secretly worried about what you told her, and is trying to assert that her child 'isn't like that' to herself and the world by listing all the non-ASD things he does.
Maybe she's just an insensitive prat.
If it's going to bother you, then I'd stop going to NCT meetups, because the mothers will be coming out with this sort of stuff all the time.

Of course you are sensitive! It's really tough thinking that your DC might struggle more than other children.

I remember my sister telling me about some other mother at school banging on about how brilliant her DS was doing at swimming and how well his violin-playing was coming along. My sister's son has Asperger's and dispraxia which this woman knew. I'm not sure if it was insensitive or just plain bitchy, but either way you really don't need to be around people like that.

YANBU in the slightest

On the other hand, and at a tangent, it's brilliant fun watching the sour expressions, shock and confusion when my AS son does something fantastically well and outstrips those that are expected to be at the top.
Like the Art exhibition, or the fiddling. ( He thinks classical violin is boring)

We have moved so we won't be meeting up anymore. She emailed to see how I was getting on, which was nice of her.

I kept avoiding the meet ups and then went to a couple towards the end.

Is it a first baby NCT group thing that makes people so competitive? Even if not on purpose? Its so inevitable that you compare babies.

They aint called PFBs for nowt.

Oh, I do understand!

I have a very good friend who CONSTANTLY bangs on about her child.

Two things irritate me.

1. I have no interest. My child - fascinating. Yours - dull.

2. The boasting gets right on my tits.

Otherwise, she is lovely. Just obsessed with her child and (tbh) doesn't have much else to talk about.

Rilly
I think it is a common enough thing in any mother baby group. Often the baby is the only connection/commonality that people have so they grimly stick to it.
And because new mums often feel vulnerable and judged no one wants to start the 'how drunk did I get last night/ how gorgeous is John Simm/ I want to get back to work because this is not meeting my needs type convos not a small part of why mumsnet works because we can be honest in a safe enviroment.

so you end up with very baby led converstaions and they get driven by concerns and defensiveness and vulnerability and hormones and it isn't a positive mix.

I used to go for a while but realsied that my role was of the 'there but for the grace of God' mother and so I stopped. Made new friends. It got easier

DS can count to 30 and has been able to for at least 4 months, he recognises numbers 1-20 when written down, has a brilliant memory for songs (he sings songs that he has only heard twice, even if not the words properly), he knows the alphabet and recognises all letters at random. He likes to make letter shapes with his spaghetti.

These are all the things my DS can do brilliantly for his age

I am showing off now

And it is definitely an ante-natal, PFB thing. None of it with second children.

I was guilty of some of it, actually - with weight. For some reason, I wanted my baby son to be heavier than all the other children.

freak!
feeder!

RRGL

Rilly: see, I find that interesting because those are the kinds of things my DS did, too. Fascinating! Clearly the best kinds of skills!

But walking before 18 months, talking much, potty training, imaginative play ... yawn

Although that has all changed now I have a daughter, who DOES do all that stuff

I do too! Have a daughter who does all the milestones at the correct time! She is 13 months. It has been illuminating.

I think DS is catching up though, although I can't see potty training happening for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages yet.

I don't know, if she knoew it would upset you, then no, yare not BU, BUT< I know, that if my son (nearly 4) used his imagination, I'd want to tell anyone who'd be vaguely interested, since school believes him to have some form of ASD / AS, so it could have been unthinking on her part, but not deliberate?

I actually TRY to not tell people too much about those things he is really gifted in, (he is awesome at pattern related tasks, numbers, spelling, reading and time telling - hopeless at anything creative or imaginative, and not great at social skills) but until school told me he was advanced in them, I assumed that all kids his age did what he does. I wouldn't have known I was "boasting"