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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my 3 year old push in

13 replies

racheyh · 04/08/2010 10:03

We have always taught DS1 (3 years) to take turns and be polite etc but unfortunately this seems to have led to him missing out as all the other kids pay no attention to turns etc.

For example at the park theres like a climbing frame thing and when you get to the top there is a slide, when the littler kids get to the top they seem to hesitate/stand to the side of the slide till their parents encourage them to come down (it's quite high!) anyway we always shout up to DS1 to wait till the little boy/girl has come down as it's their turn. Anyway while DS1 is waiting and little boy/girl is still hesitating all the other (usually older so should know better kids) just push past them and down the slide. So DS1 is stood there waiting for his turn but never gets a chance to go so I shout just come down but DS1 is stood their with tears in his eyes saying he can't cos its not his turn!

Anyway recently at swimming I have noticed him not necessarily barge people out the way but slightly squeeze past other kids/adults he likes to swim from corner to corner and if someone is near the corner he will try and squeeze past to get right into the corner IYSWIM Normally I would have said don't push past or don't go right into the corner because that boy/girl is there but I thought why should he change what he wants to do to be polite when all the other kids take no consideration of him (and their parents never do anything about it!)

Is this wrong?

OP posts:
2shoes · 04/08/2010 10:05

yanbu
we had this with ds, and longed for him to push in, he would end up waiting for ages.

Doigthebountyeater · 04/08/2010 10:06

Teach your child how things ought to be done. Otherwise you are letting him sink to the level of the lowest common denominator. By your argument, some people steal and mug and may do it to him - doesn't mean it'd be ok for him to do it to others. So YABU.

AngryPixie · 04/08/2010 10:10

YABU a child at swimming doesn't deserve to be nudged out of the way by your son simply because a totally different child pushed in front of him on the slide. Therein madness lies

Chil1234 · 04/08/2010 10:11

I got fed up with my son getting thumped because I'd told him that hitting people was wrong. Now I tell him that if they thump him he can thump back.... There's polite and then there's being a doormat. I'm sure your child is lovely and will learn to find some sharp elbows in due course.

AhickeyfromKenickie · 04/08/2010 10:14

Maybe I shouldn't do this, but if my DCs are waiting their turn at something and another kid pushes in, I do say something to the pusher-in, just something light and friendly, like "hang about love, it's this little girl's turn now". Nothing mean or nasty. Otherwise my kids would be there all day!

3Trees · 04/08/2010 10:15

It's a difficult one. we teach DS to take turns, or to wait if he was not first at the bus stop etc.

some times people, even adults, push in in front of him, and it's maddening, I usually, especially when it was an adult, say, loudly, "yes, I KNOW it was your turn, but it's OK, we'll let that person go first today, maybe they didn't see you."

In the example given I would STILL teach him to wait until there was space in the pool, or not to swim from the corner. DS likes to jump in off the ladder, and we ALWAYS wait until people have finished using it, or stop and wait / swim if someone wants to use it. I like to think, in a karmic way, it will make them more patient if they get accidentally splashed etc!

Teach him that some people do not know how to be as good and well mannered as he does, and that that is a shame, but don't teach him that manners don't matter - he is going to have enough chance to see that later

LolaKnickers · 04/08/2010 10:36

Don't think you should encourage him to push in. I always seem to end up saying to mine "just because a naughty boy / girl has done it, it doesn't mean you can." There will always be others who push - doesn't mean you should join in.

eish · 04/08/2010 10:41

The more of us that teach turns to our children the better the playgrounds will become I suppose.

LolaKnickers · 04/08/2010 10:43

Well said eish

Colliecross · 04/08/2010 11:55

Our local park is if anything over-supervised by anxious mummies hovering. I have had to pull up my own children a lot more often since they went to play groups and learnt to push, barge and grab.

I agree with Chil123; I taught mine not to hit, but had to amend the rules for junior school to "You can hit back if you are hit, but NEVER do it first. If you hit back, hit them harder than they hit you." This has stood them in good stead for the Comp!

BlazingSaddlebags · 04/08/2010 12:08

My ds was always the one who missed out as he wouldn't push in and I took the same stance as 3Trees with the loud comments.

Ds is now a strapping teen who is well mannered, polite and a young man I'm always proud of. He deals with all sorts of situations with maturity and grace, there are still often situations where someone will try to take advantage and be selfish (as is life) but he can hold his ground when he knows morally he is in the right.

His young childhood years were tough watching him be pushed out of the way, or taken advantage of, but i'm glad I stuck to my principles and never gave in to wanting to tell him to push in, it was worth it!

sanielle · 04/08/2010 12:13

Can you teach your dc to say "its my turn now thank you"? might make the parents who aren't payign attention, pay a bit more atttention! and you dc is the polite one

whitemonkey · 04/08/2010 20:33

well said eish. How do you think the previous kids learnt their ways!

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