Fallen out with friends

[carrottcake]

over false accustions which im deeply upset about as they were false, they have not apologised and have since found out they are having a party,my dp is going by I am strongly refusing not to, aibu?.
Also this will be the case from now on as I dont want anything to do with friends who think its ok to treat friends like this.

Why is your DP going if they have treated you like that?

Because they think he knows nothing about it,he also works with the person concerned.

Bump
Please I need all the advice I can get thanks in advance.

I don't think there's room to comment unless you expand. Your bf can't go unless you do, that's just weird.

not enough info here, to make a judgement

was it definitely them that made the accusations? have been thru a fall-out with a friend over someone blabbing about us going thru IVF only for it to turn out that someone else had blabbed.

as others have said, really need more info to comment.

I don't think your bf should be going to the party of somebody who falsely accused you of something you didn't do.

But if they have invited him on the basis that he doesn't know that they made false accusations, surely it is up to him to turn down the invite and let them know why? Why is he still going? Have you asked him not to? Impossible to comment further until we get some idea of what the false accusations were.

He's going because they think he doesn't know.

That is not the point! He is going to socialise with people who have treated you badly instead of standing up by your side.

your OP is too vague and confusing.
If you want some opinions you have to explain. Especially why your bf is going

True.

What were the allegations
Do the people who accused you now know they were false but are refusing to apologise or do they still think it's true?
Why is your bf going to socialise with people who have treated you badly? Don't you think his loyalty is to you? Not to go, eat drink and be merry and pretend he doesn't know anything about it? That's just weird.

My friend was told by her dp I had said her future sil was having an affair with a friend of ours which is totally not true.
Her dp was listening on a conversation of friends of ours and he decided to make up his own version.

He later denied to me he had said anything and hide in the front room,spoke to my friend who tried to calm me down,I said I could not beive she doubted me and I was truly hurt and in future they should all think before they spoke and to check out facts before you say such things.
I left banging the door,saying I have had enough of everyone knowing everyones buiness,and her friends not liking my firends and its uncomfortable to the point I dont want to go around there, and its childish.

Her dp also had a telling of from the person he was earwigging on, I have decided I dont want anything to do with them anymore ,Im to old for this behaviour and just want real friends in my life,its difficult as my dp works with my friends dp ,who started the rumour,plus all the pepole involved are gp to our children.

The thing is you confide in someone and then everyone else knows your business,this for me is the best way i think
They think my dp does not know about this but I told him ,i dont keep secrets from him he wants to keep out of it becuase they still have a business to run.
Thanks for listening x.

So... is it the case that everyone has apologised and everyone now knows it was a question of other people getting the wrong end of the stick?

Oh sorry, re-read your OP and no apology. Well, what does your DP say about it?

Seriously, I would rise above it by showing you are the stronger person - you KNOW you didn't start the rumour, your friend(s) are being petty by listening to it and believing it although it sounds as though there has been some form of apology. If you don't go to the party (and your BF does) it will just give them something else to talk about - just go, but in future concentrate on meeting a new group of friends and slowly move away from this group but without any 'flouncing' or grand gestures.

So are they employed together or do they own a business together?

And he can be professional without partying with them. He can say "I know what has happened with carrott and I think she is owed an apology." You do not have to be mates with the people you work with. Your colleagues are not your friends. Why can't he just do his job in a professional manner and let them know that you are owed an apology?

'Im to old for this behaviour and just want real friends in my life'

I think the above says it all. Move on from them. Maybe if you explained to your dp how upset you would be for him to go to this party as if nothing has happened he might re-consider.

Agree. He cannot go there and pretend nothing has happened. Even if he decides to go, he should not be laughing and joking and pretending nothing has happened. He should make a point of letting them know that he knows.

What is being protected here? That's what I want to know. Your treatment doesn't matter as much as what? Keeping the peace? Brushing any problems under the carpet?

You know, you say you are too old for childish behaviour - but there is nothing more childish than playing make-believe for the sake of keeping everyone happy, rather than addressing issues.

curiouser and curiouser

I am none the wiser, tbh

good luck, OP

They own a business together and no I have not had an apology whats so ever,also the person the rumour was started about will be there,so who knows what has been said.
I dont want to go tbh I dont want to see them anymore and they can talk about me that does not worry me at all at least someone else is getting a rest.

Well, then your boyfriend has some power here, doesn't he?

He needs to be professional and assertive.

This all sounds very pathetic. Where's the professionalism?

So is anyone actually having an affair?

Sounds like a load of schoolyard nonsense to me

I really can't get over how childish this is. Not you OP, I mean the whole he said/she said bullshit. Your DH shouldn't really be going to this party without you in light of what has gone on. That might sound petty, but he needs to show support to you. How old are the people involved? It seems like your so-called friends have less maturity than the children.

I'm not sure you will resolve this, even if you want to. You could have a conversation with the people involved, now that things have had a chance to calm down, but I doubt you'll be able to trust them again, and when the situation involves asking someone to believe you over a DP, it's never looking pretty for the future.

Tbh, if there was no business connection, I would write off the friendships entirely. They sound (for want of a better word) like a toxic influence. Give it one last shot (not at the party) and explain how hurt you were, be explicit that it was not you who started the rumour (but don't apportion blame, let them figure that out for themselves, they will eventually), and say you would like to be friends again. If you don't get an apology or they don't respond in a way you feel appropriate, that's when you have to wave bye bye IMO.

But to sum up, YANBU! I think your DH is if he goes to this party without you though....

Knowone is having an affair and im not going to the party really have had enough.
I will never trust any of them again and tbh best of out of it,its time to find new friends although at present im very wary of trying.
My dp is in an awkward position I will talk to him and its up to him what he wants to do but I will let him know im not going because of them,he can go thats his decision I know it must be difficult for him but for me I dont care if they no Im not happy with them.
Thanks everyone xx

bump