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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the pressure is on during school holidays?

27 replies

RaspberrySheep · 02/08/2010 14:09

I work full time but booked the first two weeks of the school holidays off to spend time with my DS (8).

We don't have any much spare money at the moment, as I am a single mum and am attempting to buy a house over the next couple of months, but DS and I have made the most of the great weather and at the risk of sounding cheesy, spending time together. We've done all the usual fun stuff on a budget; baking, fishing, bike riding etc. and had a brill time last week. This week it's been a bit different.

DS has asked to play out with some other children on our estate. He's loving spending time with children his own age - I'm sure they laugh at all his jokes and poems about poo (he's at that age!) and where I will yell at him for climbing trees in case he hurts himself, to them he is a bit of a hero for being able to climb up so high. Meanwhile, I am pottering about the house getting the washing done, tidying corners which I had forgotten existed and having some time to myself.

My best friend visited us at the weekend and when I explained that the plan was for DS to play out for the rest of the week, she accused me of being lazy - explaining that she has a rota of activities for her DS who is the same age. This includes trips to the seaside, horse riding, camping and sailing. It sounds like he's going to have a wonderful time and now I'm feeling a bit guilty about not doing the same.

When I was younger, we spent the whole of the holidays playing with our friends on our bikes with maybe a trip to MacDonalds as a special treat at the end of the holidays, but AIBU to think that these days, the pressure is on to provide your child with a plethora of activities and entertainment, or risk being perceived as a 'lazy' parent who does not stimulate their child?

OP posts:

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/08/2010 14:12

You don't have to keep them stimulated, they need to learn how to occupy themselves. The adult life is very boring at times, they need to learn that they can't have fun all the time. There's nothing wrong with having a TV day.

Altinkum · 02/08/2010 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 02/08/2010 14:15

Sounds like your son is having a whale of a time. Leave him to it.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/08/2010 14:17

We aim to do something once a week, the cinema/bowling/train visit maybe (depends on the funds), ds likes games workshop so he spends most of the days in there.

funtimewincies · 02/08/2010 14:18

She has her way, you have yours. I'm not sure why you'd feel pressured, unless you really care about what this other woman thinks. It sounds like your children have a nice balance.

As the others have said, ignore.

TheDoodler · 02/08/2010 14:18

It is a HOLIDAY! Gosh, your BF's children will be exhausted by the time they go back to school.

usualsuspect · 02/08/2010 14:18

All my summer holidays as a child were spent playing out with my friends.We had the annual week in Mablethorpe and then were left to just make our own entertainment..My own children when younger also spent most of their summer holidays just playing with friends with the odd trip here and there.I think some parents spend too much time organizing every minute of their childrens lives.

Original poster

RaspberrySheep · 02/08/2010 14:20

Thanks, I know it's shallow but I worry that when he goes back to school, the other children will be recounting tales of fantastic adventures and experiences and he will feel like I haven't bothered to do anything with him. Maybe I'm over thinking it though. Thanks again for your replies

OP posts:

compo · 02/08/2010 14:21

This morning my six and three yr olds have played Lego
then ds read a book to me for the library summer Reading challenge
thenlunch, DVD and now they're in the garden throwing balls
all free

expatinscotland · 02/08/2010 14:22

Oh, please. One of the the most valuable lessons you can ever teach your child in life is how to entertain themselves.

Life can be very tedious and boring at times excepting those in the echelons of Oprah Winfrey riches.

So it's important they learn by experience to be resourceful and create their own entertainment rather than expect or burden others with sorting it for them.

She sounds like a helicopter parent.

toastandmarmiterocks · 02/08/2010 14:22

Your time with DS sounds lovely. He wants to go and play out with the other children, what is wrong with that? You get to sort stuff out at home before you have to go back to work. Seems like everyone is happy. Your friend sounds like one of those awful parents who force feed stimulation on their children and make us more relaxed parents feel bad. Children are over stimulated these days and need to learn to amuse/explore/learn fo themselves. Just my opinion.

LynetteScavo · 02/08/2010 14:23

I think there is media pressure to "prevent boredom" by racing of to this theme park and that swimming pool. It's really not necessary though. Just hanging out with friends is an important part of childhood, IMO.

I much preferred inventing clubs with my friends than day out with my mum!

The trouble is, a lot of inner city kids can't do that. They can't wander down a suburban street to their friends house and play out on their bikes, and of course most ad companies are based in cities.

usualsuspect · 02/08/2010 14:25

Some of my best childhood memories are of just me and my mates playing out,making dens etc,My grown up daughters feel the same..the less parental involvement the better

sarah293 · 02/08/2010 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

RaspberrySheep · 02/08/2010 14:26

TheDoodler, I agree with you, last year we packed a lot more into the six weeks and when DS went back to school, it took a couple of weeks for him to calm down and get used to sitting still in a classroom environment again.

OP posts:

QueenofDreams · 02/08/2010 14:31

My bet is that your friend's child is going to end up like those you see on 'young, dumb and living off Mum'. Ie: totally dependant on their parents to do everything for them.

Your DS has had some structured activities and some independent time. Don't see the problem.

Original poster

RaspberrySheep · 02/08/2010 14:36

expat - yes, she is definitely a helicopter parent. She does not like her DS to play out incase he wanders off or becomes separated from his friends and meets somebody untoward. I bought DS an £8 mobile phone from Tescos that he keeps in his pocket. It's no big deal if he loses it as it was so cheap, but if I need to contact him I can and if he fell off his bike then he could phone me too.

I suppose each to their own, but thank you for your replies as I really thought that DS would be missing out by not being more involved in clubs and trips away.

OP posts:

bleedingheart · 02/08/2010 14:39

The children of people like your friend OP become the teens and adults who constantly seek more and can't handle their own company. Anyway, all the other children can't be doing the same or yours would have no one to play with! Ignore, she has something to prove and is very ignorant if she can't perceive that people have different financial circumstances and parenting styles.

LIZS · 02/08/2010 14:53

Did she have an activity every day when he was a toddler too or get played with by her constantly? Some kids grow up being entertained and have no idea how to just chill out and make their own fun so parents just throw money at it when they cnanot do so themselves. dc have had a few atctvitiy dyas whiel I worked, dd is doing a drama thing , ds went sailing otherwise they play outside together or we go for a walk with maybe something specific once a week until we go on holiday. At least some of ds' classmates apparently have a schedule of revision and homework to do over the holidays - they're 12 !

teameric · 02/08/2010 15:20

Sounds like my SIL who I love but feels the need to organise every aspect of my 12 year old nephews life, to the point that he always needs to be doing something and can't entertain himself at all. I'm much more laid back with mine, like you we had quite a few days out last week, DH is off work this week so we have a few things planned but after that it's going to pretty much be the local park, out with friends or TV days while I get the house in order. Today is a chill day, I'm too tired to do anything so DD is wrapped up in her duvet watching Scooby Doo and munching on crackers and DS is listening to music in his bedroom.

deaddei · 02/08/2010 15:47

Today, dc's have gone to the library on the bus while I had a facial
Ds has a friend round this afternoon- cue trampoline....and dd has gone swimming with friends.
I have read a book and eaten strawberries and cream.

This week, they are just meeting up with friends (either here or at friends houses)- we are off to the South Bank on Saturday to a show.

Nice lazy week- we are not going away, but have no "big days out" planned.

JustAnother · 02/08/2010 15:56

my DS seems to have a much better time at weekends when there´s nothing organised and he´s allowed to just play outside with the neighbours kids. It is free and they have a great time. He spends all week at an organised holiday club (I work full time), so having free time is great. They have to learn to entertain themselves.

Rocklover · 02/08/2010 16:25

I often think I am a bit crap with my 5 yo dd, but I am not feeling very energetic at the mo as I am pregnant. I took her swimming this morning and now she is watching a few dvds in her bedroom.

Tomorrow I will try and do something like baking with her, which will involve a walk into town and then she can choose what else she wants to do (possibly a dvd again, she loves her films). I sometimes feel that I should be doing alot more with her, but I live in a small town in South Devon with very few amenities, so most activities involve a 30 minute drive at least.

We will be going into Plymouth on the train this week, but sadly the weather is just a bit crap for going to the beach at the mo. Also, we don't have much money, so it's difficult taking her out constantly. She is also at the age where she doesn't have firm friends yet, and being new to the area, I don't know many people, so she doesn't play out. I have the feeling I may actually be a crap parent!

lucky1979 · 02/08/2010 18:00

I would ignore your friend - sounds like you are having a great time with your DC. Just feel a small bit of pity for her that her DC is so high-mainetence :D

omnishambles · 02/08/2010 18:04

Who are these people? I have managed to make it to the park half an hour away today and feel so smug about it as it was An Outing.

Otherwise its craft/pottering about in the morning then a dvd after lunch.

We go and see a friend once a week and have a cinema trip planned next week but thats it.

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