To think my DPs nan is rude?

[SaliMali1]

Im sure she is nice really but she can be so rude she said to me good god girl you are getting fat.
She does not know me well eather.
She said to my DP - Why are you wearing a girls cardegan?
Things like that all the time but is she rude?

Of course she is. and being old doesn't excuse her from being told so.

I'd feel inclined to say yes, and haven't you been cdodging the coffin just a few too many years?

Yes, but she's old - let her be.
That's what I do with all my daft old relations. They've earned it I think

Some people use age as an excuse for being tactless and insensitive. I'd have laughed at her comment to DP. Calling you fat, however, is rude. I'd have a comeback prepared for next time if I was you.

My gran says stuff like that all the time. She's 87. I just laugh about it.

We'll be old gits one day, surely the license to speak one's mind is payback for being polite for decades.

My nana is amazingly enlightened about most things - me being a bloody lesbian for a start - but then occasionally throws me a curve ball by coming out with some racist claptrap from the Dark Ages.

Oh i hate that when people feel it is totally acceptable to comment on your weight! It is so so rude and what is their point exactly, to humiliate you and make themselves feel superior? Since I have had my DS I know I have a pot belly and am about 5 kg heavier than I was previously. But to have people say Oh my God you have put on a lot of weight I am sorry to say and that they didn't recognise me just made me feel like absolute crap. Wish I could have come up with a speedy comeback but was too shocked at their rudeness to be honest. So I totally sympathise with you. Perhaps you could tell her you don't appreciate her comments or do you think that would cause more problems with her?

She is just odd I do laugh it off but is she caught me on a bad day I would find it hard not to snap back I have/had lovely Grandmas who were/is so lovely and kind and considerate.

Dp's great-aunt (who was like a grandmother to him) said to me when I was pg "If he doesn't marry you soon, that child will be a basket" I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say. This was the first time I had met her too and was at a big family do so there were lots of people round who heard this remark.

Dp's family just smirked and said "Well, that's great-aunt X for you" and couldn't understand why I was a) fuming and b) pretty upset. I can't see why being old is an excuse for being rude. Both my grandmothers were lovely kind ladies and would never have dreamed of saying anything like that (even if they were thinking it).

If they are VERY old, and their comments are really outrageous then its quite funny IMO!!! Its when they're downright spiteful that its a problem.

FWIW we once went to a restaurant that my DGM loved, only to find out it had been taken over by foreigners. My 93yo DGM did not whisper however, and proceeded to announce at full (hearing aid broken) volume that she was sure it was now owned by the Germans.

When they served her up ratatouille as an accompaniment to her meal (DH had nearly slid under the table in hysterics by this point), it was too much for her. She loudly announced that she couldn't eat foreign food and didn't know what the Germans were doing, and what was wrong with good old mushy peas! .

Old people do tend to be ruder, though, don't they? OR are they just speaking their minds more?

My mum is in her70's and has done things lately that I wouldn't allow my DC to do, like interrupting me when I was talking to someone. She has also make comments after I have taken DC to hairdressers like "Oh was it closed? I can't see any difference".

So why was your DP wearing a girls cardigan?

That kind of comment would wound me as well, so I understand why it's upsetting. I personally would brush it off as just a silly old woman who is probably bitter about her advanced age, or thinks, incorrectly, that as the head of the family, she has earned the right to be nasty. The kicker for me would be if she made comments to the children, that's when I'd confront the problem. I understand how hurtful someone like that can be, but she is probably so set in her ways that I doubt you or anyone else would be able to change her. Limit your contact with her, that's about the only way I can think to avoid her nasty comments.

I think there have been studies (proper scientific ones!) that have shown that when you get older you lose the inhibition filter in the brain that stops all these comments coming out under normal circumstances.

I think most of us think these things from time to time, just have the ability to stop them blurting out. As you get old your brain just lets rip and all the bitchyness comes out. Add to that the prejudice that was normal when they were younger and it's bound to end in tears...

My DH's aunt (through marriage to his uncle) is the nicest most friendly lady ever. However, DA is a bit on the larger side of things, quite large in fact.... DH's DGM who is in her 80s and a bit preoccupied with weight has ripped weight-loss articles out of magazines and given them to DA!!!!!!!

Luckily DA sees the funny side of this. The DGM is her MIL so I guess that explains it

Is this his Nan?

I think some older people get to the point when they think life is WAY too short for them to not say what they think anymore. Can be funny, but generally not when you're on the receiving end of it.

It IS rude, yes, but unless she says something truly awful it's not worth picking a fight over.

Yes she is rude. I hate this idea that old people can get away with being rude just because they are old. Who cares. You wouldn't put up with anyone else saying "Good god girl you are getting fat" That is down right nasty.

My DH's (late) nana was like that. Racist, Homophobic, you name it. We used to literally cry with laughter recounting some of the awful things she had said. I miss her.

sometimes people with dementia lose their inhibitions and tact.
Although my elderly great-aunt who was like this had been the same since she was in her 50's and probably before that too, so losing her marbles wasn't really an excuse.

She called my newborn niece a "rabbit" because she was prem, asked my dsis why she was going out with such an ugly fella ( the "fella" was there in front of her) and had no problems telling anyone they were fat!

It was funny though, when she was suffering from dementia and was v. concerned about how fat my cousin was getting. She suggested walking would help. Not likely as my cousin was 7 months pg at the time!

I think it's a bit like Prince Philip! I like to imagine the Queen giggling to herself every time he drops a clanger, and then ticking him off later in private: "Philip! You can't say things like that these days."

My mother's mother has been the same for as long as I can remember -- she picks up something negative about your appearance and go on... and on... and on about it. People used to fly off the handle at her all the time. I noticed that she was quite hard on herself, too, so perhaps it's connected.

She has dementia now, and is now just as likely to pop out something complimentary, such as "What a beautiful girl you are" and "Oh my lovely grand-daughter" and "I'm so glad you have such a nice husband!".