Fed up o f being everyone's social secretary

[Mowgli1970]

I'm fed up of being the one who organises every social event that our friends and I meet up for. Yes, we're all busy, we've moved on, had children, busy jobs etc. but why is it the invites always come from me? There are 5 couples - last time we were invited to their house for a get together was last Christmas! If I don't get in touch, no one bothers. AIBU to feel like this?

*invited to any of their houses

I know people like this too. Do you think they are seeing other friends instead, or are they just not very sociable? Either way, I guess meeting up is just a bit lower down their list of priorities than it is on yours. YANBU to be upset by that, but I don't think there is much you can do about it.

YANBU. I seem to be the social secretary for my various groups of friends, to the point that people ask me when we're 'going to do something', as if they couldn't arrange something themselves. It drives me mad.

I could have written that OP a few months ago, but I now realise that because it's always been me that organised them, it was just assumed that I would do it in the future too - no malice or lack of wanting to meet, just people assuming things.

YANBU to be upset though. I still am sometimes.

ooooh i have exactly the same problem!

To the extent that, on the (rare) occasions that someone else organises something, people still call me, to say 'what's the plan for tonight then?'

'I DONT KNOW, WHY DONT YOU ASK THE PERSON WHO INVITED YOU!

They often joke amongst themselves that they've only managed to stay friends with each other because I organise them. Jesus!!!

ooh OP you've awoken an angry demon inside me

I also get "how are we getting there", as if I'm some kind of bloody cab service as well

I do love my friends, but honestly!

YANBU.

I spend far too long feeling bad I haven't texted people in months but then I think, they haven't texted me either .

So what's the solution here, do we think?
I'm like trainsetter

I don't think there is a solution. I've taken a bit of a back seat on the organising since DS was born as I just haven't got the energy to be arsed. The result is that there are people who I haven't seen for over a year who I used to see regularly.

I often get the hump and think, "Right, I'm not texting/mailing/calling anyone!" The trouble is, no one bothers to contact us! We all have a great time when we do get together, but I wish they'd do some of the organising (and the cleaning, buying, preparing and serving of food!!)

I have a friend who is constantly organising events on facebook. It's not very often that there isnt something coming up. However, I dont organise anything simply cos I dont know everyone like she does, plus Im a bit anxious that nobody would want to come if Ive organised it. I dont know if she's very much the same thinking 'why is it always me?', but she carries on doing it. To be honest coming from someone who rarely organises anything after a while it just becomes expected and I dont organise anything because things are already organised by this one friend.

Though I would say if you didnt organise anything for a while you would get those who you wouldnt see for ages and you would get those who will get in touch and try to arrange something with you, these are the friends who obviously WANT to spend time with you. I know if I suddenly found nothing planned by my friend I might try to organise a meet-up even though it would be with less people. I just dont because I dont need to IYSWIM.

In the past whenever Ive organised something Ive always chosen wrong dates where everybody's busy and it ends up just being me. Whereas with my friend as she knows more people there are always quite a few people who can attend. I find that when I try I have to keep changing the time so I can accommodate more people. It can get kind of difficult at times. Some people (myself included) like to be told what to do and dont really like to try to make decisions for others. Hope that makes sense. But if you are really fed up with it, stop organising things and let someone else do it.

Part of me thinks I will back off a bit but then some friends don't contact me either. I have one friend where we go months without a text, years without a phone call but we pick up where we left off and will immediately be there for them. Another friend I have we talk and text more but I feel it is more me contacting them sometimes.