... that dh is not a mindreader (be easy on me, I've been lubbing at leats 3 times today!)

[yousaidit]

... ages ago my main group of friends who have all known each other since nursery / primary / high school (and all still frequently in touch) started discussing and arranging a girls weekend away in Barcelona, cheap and cheerful and to have some old fashioned not too daft fun. I was pg with dc2 and, knowing that i would be back at work but not with a fantastic wage and with 2 dcs, i decided nt to go. Finance was the main reason here, because while dh and mine's wages cover the bills and shopping, we're not exactly loaded, and i didn't want to dig into the emergency savings for what would have amounted to about 500 / 600 quid for a weekend away (travel, hotel, get a passport sorted, spend..)

anyway, I remember discussing this with DH ages ago (in typical male trait he looks absolutely astonished when i refer to this conversation) when we were in the car and i told him about the trip and i was basically saying "Well it would be nice but I don't want to go because of the cost, it's too much money to waste, and then there would be childcare to sort out so I'm not going..' and I am so sure, I really am, that DH was replying upon the lines of 'yeah, you see your friends don't realise you've got a family (I was the first to have dc's, others now have them too but at the point of the trip being arranged t was just me) it is a lot of money ( i agree and thta was my point of not going..) and sounhded absolutely dead flat not interested..

anyway, the weekend has arrived, off they have gone, i have sent a 'Have fun! I'm sooo jealous! MIss you all loads! etc' texts to them all, everyone sent texts back saying thanks, miss you not being here, we'll have fun etc... and I am foul..I mean really foul, and am blaming dh. For not forcing me to go

I'm not going to say, ooh all women do this, blokes are thick, because i hate that stereotyping, but i have been in tears, because I can't see, because of people starting families and stuff, this happening again for ages, and i really believ i have missed out on time with people who really know me , as me, before I because Mrs Who saidit and mum... you know what I mean, real quality me time away from being mum and wife?

Dh did have holidays so he could have been off work of theday of travel to look afetr / bathe and bed the dc's, and tonigh he sai (after I had been blubbing like an eeeejit) 'I'm gutted for you that you haven't gone' well why not say 6 months ago that you'd be happy I went?????

What really farks me off is that about 7 or 8 months ago dh got bonus in his wage of about £800 and got a new compter stuff (he did ask first and isaid it was his money, his choice...) now i think, if I GOT A £800 Bonus i'd have either booked a week for the family somewhere or some boring shit like saved it or nice meals...

so, the whiney poster wants toknow, why didn't dh say, sweetheart, here's the money, go and enjoy?

I'm such a moaning bugger, aren't i?

No you're not. I would have felt exactly the same. Probably is unreasonable, but there we go.

I think that you perhaps should have been a bit more forceful about how much you wanted to go. There's really no point being pissed off with him when you've told him you weren't seeing it as a priority.

'i was basically saying "Well it would be nice but I don't want to go because of the cost, it's too much money to waste, and then there would be childcare to sort out so I'm not going..'

Sorry OP, but it's a bit late now.

Yeah it's lack of empathy on his part, disappointing I know. Take matters into your own hands and buy a bank (one that you can't open, tin ones are v.cheap)for yourself and those friends and shove all your £2 coins in + fivers and when you can more notes. Give yourself 2 years for it to build up and plan your trip.
Now you've had a good cry and rant hopefully by tomorrow you might feel a bit better . .

yabu

tahnk you everyone.. i know i am being daft, i said so myself (although it is obviously an emotional priority if not a financial one )and next week when everyone is back at work it will be easier to repeat..) the cost would be a bit ott for us while i am on p/t wages as i look after dcs, but sometimes i feel like i'm screaming to get 'me time' and not just for a couple of hours but a chunk f my old self back... (no point explaining this to dh.. his brain melts a bit out of one ear when i get on this topic and then he says 'well we'll all go on holiday' which is followed by sound of thud on floor from me keeling over) I was ok about things til they all set off and then turned into a miserable teenager ranting how there was a fab party and i wasn't there sort of thing!

Incidentally, dh is now in bed after going out last night while i was at home, and as i went to work this morning (overtime...) he got up with dcs after puking up after having party boy night last night... so, obviously, mateys having jooilday in barcelona, dh on razz with his mates.. me ironing then off to bed to work this morning... grrrrrrr

It sounds like you were the one who talked yourself out of it. Sometimes men just can't follow when you say one thing and mean another.

If you really wanted to go, you should have just had a straight discussion with him.

It is a lot of money for just you, so perhaps the girls could have organised something that was a bit less expensive. You would have still had as much fun if you had a weekend in the UK.

Yousaidit - life's a learning process. Next time, don't short change yourself. D'ya hear me???

Treat yourself to something as compensation too.

Thanks Mme.. I had sort of but not fully talked myself out of going: really i just always knew what the 'common sense' answer was, (money, the bane of working p/t.. ) i just didn't think i would be such a foul person come the weekend... had dh not totally disarmed me by saying he was gutted I hadn't gone when he had previously never shown any interest I would have found it easier to be really narky but now I am incensed without reason! (sort of)

Thankyou monty.. my treat today has been three sale bras from m&s as one strapped pinged off and another's wire came out. I ma cradling my £17 total purchase as we speak (yes yes, sale bras, piss yourselves f you like, i am ) (i do save my nicer brassieres for posh dos, like, er, tescos and stuff..

will drop kick the computed stuff dh bought with bonus to make myself feel teensy bit better evil cackling wifey fashion.

Yousaidit! Bras are essential. I say treat yourself.

That's got to be the beauty counter.

I went to M&S today to pick up something I bought online, bought teenage dd a silk dress and HIGH shoes and ds a dressing gown all for £30.

Don't knock it. lol.

But seriously treat yourself.

Hope the girlies bring you back something too text them.

Thank you

am expecting hilarious fridge magnet at least off the ladies when they get back. will rifle through m&s full price racks ~(sam nice autograph shift.. might wrangle that for myself!)

you have cheered me up (and dh is in bed so no audience for tantruming )... have a fab rest of your weekend.. am off to hit some zzzz's....

NN, glad your feeling better.

YANBU and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!!!

You wanted your DH to understand how much this would have meant to you and to say 'Go on, do it, I'll be here for the kids, it's a chunk of money, but we'll be fine...go go go' and he didn't....

You are angry at yourself for not saying how much you wanted to go...

and now you have missed out

It's a shame and there's no way to 'fix' it now, but maybe it's a lesson learnt for next time huh...