to stop nephew seeing my child

[MmeButterfly]

AIBU to avoid family get togethers because my nephew has hit or tried to hit my DD who is only 4 months old every time he sees her? I've talked to my sis about discipline etc and let all the family know how i feel but i still feel a bit guilty for making it clear that i won't take my dd to see my family when my nephew is there UNTIL he can keep his hands to himself! Please reassure!!
I am a new mum and granted, am somewhat overprotective but, nephew is 3 years old and i think needs to learn not to do this but not at my dd's expense ie he hits her and then gets into trouble... i would rather wait until he has learnt that aggressive behaviour is unacceptable altogether (he also hits his mum and himself when in a grump).

Littlemisshissy - if a child is hitting then the easiest way to keep a baby safe is to hold them/put them in a sling.

Maybe a 3 year old should be able to control themselves? (personally I think it's too young - I've never had a hitter but know a few and my opinion is they genuinly can't control it). A hit can occur in seconds - and even glueing yourself to the child will not guarantee it doesn't occur.

I was offering a practical solution that will avoid a family row and keep a baby safe.

Littlepetal - but the sister isn't ignoring the behaviour - she's using a variety of responses.

She should be making sure she deals with this, but I wouldn't make a big issue out of it by refusing to see them. It won't end well, you'll just make an enemy out of his mother. just make sure your baby is not left anywhere he can reach her, and try not to look too uptight every time he comes near - you'll just make yourself look precious and neurotic.

agree with others, dont cut family cos of this. Its a phase!

I agree with others. 3 is still a very young age, I think there is probably a lot of jealousy an emotion which a 3 year old cannot comprehend or deal with. Lashing out at your baby is the only way your nephew knows of dealing with this emotion. Make sure he gets lots of attention, not your responsibility I know but always try and make a fuss of him as he will feel left out otherwise.
Your sister probably feels dredfull herself, but the phase will pass and in the future your dd and nephew will probably become good friends.
Keep going to family events and wear a sling!
one thing I always say to siblings with newborns is aren't baby's boring sleeping and feeding all day. It always lights up their face as they think yeah, not like interseting me! and the newborn will never know.
Good luck.

YANBU to want to protect your baby. I dont think you can be too pfb about a 4 months old around a boisterous 3 year old. You areyour dd mother and its your job to make sure he is safe, so totally agree with sling, moses basket on the table (only if your certain he cant pull it off!!) But you are toattly right to talk to your family about this. Although his behaviour is understandadble this doesnt make it OK or safe for your baby. I would also say to him mum (your sister??) just to try not to make too much of a fuss over your new DD as could this be making him feel usettled? also can your sister explain to him when you and dd are not around that he can kiss and cuddle her but NO hitting... good luck. dont not see your family tho as your dd will grow up and it will be bit embarressing if you have refused to see them only for your child to start behaving in an undesirable way in a few years time!!!!

oh i think the sling is a good idea to safeguard the baby, and i don't think MmeB should stop seeing her family. I'm saying that the sister needs to be on that boy like a heat seeking missile.

He'll soon stop the behaviour if he's told every single time that he must not hit. Some here are saying 'it's just a phase.' like it's ok to just let him do it cos he'll grow out of it. Er, NEWSFLASH, he'll not grow out of it if he's not told. 3 is plenty old enough to be told not to hit... It's not inevitable, and we as parents have it as our duty to show our dc that hitting a baby is seriously not on.

MmeB, how would your sister like it if a 5 or 6yo kept coming up to her ds and hitting him? Would it be enough to shrug shoulders then?

I'm guessing that, no, it wouldn't be..

At 3yo the child may not be old enough to fully understand the consequences of his actions, but he's old enough to be told that it's not acceptable.

You could try teaching your dn how to stroke your dd's feet, only the feet, and never the head... Praise him when he is gentle... Have another gentle word with your sister, get her to put herself in your shoes.

Don't pander to the boy, get his mother to teach him what is acceptable, and what is not.