To be fed up with being a lone parent with no support?

[AMAZINWOMAN]

I am sick of it all I don't even know where to begin.

I am holding down a job, and studying. Can't afford a car.

Got a massive leak under the sink. It fills a washing up bowl in an hour. Had the plumber out last week who said it was fixed. (Four times in total now)

Had no elecrticity for a week due to torrential rain getting into the house. The gutter is broken, has been for a while, roofers are moaning about the job. Need scaffolding, access awkward etc

teenage boys eat me out of house and home.
kids are getting more and more expensive, and bills just seem to be rising all the time. Even food, have you noticed packs are getting smaller?

Am a widow. I have no family support as I was abused when I was younger.

I spend every Christmas and kids birthday alone. Just me and the kids. That is how unsupported i am.

Luckily kids are great, just the usual teenage stuff I deal with.

If it wasn't for the kids I would end it all. But if something happened to me they would have to go into care. They would have a better life financially there though.

It is just shit. I am fed up with being strong all the time. Yes, I cope really really well, but so what? the stuff is just endless. Endless brick walls you need to navigate, endless crap to deal with.

i live my life thinking, I wonder what would be the thing that would actually push me over the edge?

i need a good cry, but can't as my kids would see me upset. i don't want them to know I am so fed up with it all.

i also need to go out and buy shopping and carry the lot back. Buy food and a wrench or something to have a go at this leak.
So i cant cry.

i had planned a day out next week, my holidays, but cant with this leak. i would come back to a flooded house.

I would give anything to come from a normal loving family and have support. Or even to have a wonderful partner. As I am 41, men are taken or have too much baggage and scared of commitment so I have given up on that.

back to putting that brave strong face on.

Its not even PMT this feeling, its just the usual feeling I have.

Know exactly where you are coming from.
I have thought about ending it all on many occassions. The only thing that stops me is knowing there is no one to have my ds and he'd go into care.

I can't do very much more than barely function each day any more. I try and do what simply has to be done and ignore the rest of it because it stresses me out too much. I simply can't handle it any more.

And I'm doing ok at the moment in reality. Things have been far far worse than this, particularly when my last relationship ended. I have no idea where to get help and I don't have the energy to go about getting it even if there was any out there.

Every one thinks I'm doing ok and leaves me to get on with it. Nothing could be further from the truth.

As a fellow lonester I sympathise. Shit (like leaks & gutters and roofers happens), even if you're in a traditional family unit with lots of support around you. In one day last week I needed a locksmith, a plumber and a trip to the DIY shop for some home-repairs besides. But, as my friend often says 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. If your children are teens then don't need sitters any more and they can pull their weight around the house. Tell them you're upset as well ... being stoic isn't realistic. Then you could easily start working on regrowing your social life... night schools, various clubs, whatever you're interested in. You don't need a partner necessarily - just make plenty of new friends and things will look a lot brighter. Maybe plan a short holiday for this Christmas so that you're with other people... lots of places offer catered breaks.

'Normal loving families' are not always what they're cracked up to be. Maintenance troubles aside, you've actually got much more control over your destiny as a single than you think. And a lot of women would give their eye teeth for that freedom.

I should add... If you suspect that your feelings are borne of depression rather than simply hitting a natural low, then talk to your doctor.

I feel really sorry for you, it's horrible when you feel like everything's going wrong. I would pop to your docs if you can, tell him or her that you sometimes feel like you would just end it all if it weren't for the children (I don't know if it is just a figure of speech for you or you feel really very low). Go next week (when you can get out for a moment given the leak situation) because they may be able to help you and it would be crazy to ignore that help when you are moaning no-one helps you!

Otherwise, the advice you have received is good advice. Your children are older now and less dependent (I get the bit about them eating like locusts, though!) Lots of families with two parents are also struggling financially and finding bills rising (we are really struggling). And there are days where I feel my husband is more of a hindrance than anything else (he goes away a lot so I do feel like a single parent at times). Do you have some friends in RL who can support you, offer a hand or just take you out?

I also agree you should have a good cry. I cry sometimes in front of mine, I just tell them it's not them, but I'm having a bad day. Not often, but I don't think you have to appear to be superhuman.

Good luck with it all, there's also a single mums board here and people on relationships are really nice (and lots are not in relationships). Keep posting.

Thanks, for your comments. I feel so uplifted that people have taken the time to answer. I feel that people actually care.

My son fixed the leak. He fixed it even though a professional plumber couldn't.

Maybe I should let them see me cry. But I feel guilty, I feel that as I am the only person there for them I have to give 120%,
which I do. I am the rock in their world, so if anything happens to me they would go into care.

I do need to rethink the crying though. I think next time I will cry.

As for socail life, I used to have one, but when I had post traumatic stress disorder my "friends" disapperared. It was 2 years before I could speak, so didnt really want to get in touvh with "friends" I do need to rebuild it though.

Gillybean, you know exactly what I mean. It is the relentlessness of it all which is hard. the having to pick yourself up all the time for your children, is just absolutely exhausting.

So on a "normal" day it is hard, but if you feel tired or under the weather it is a nightmare.

I have no family either, for similar reasons to you. It sucks.

But there is no harm in your dc's knowing that sometimes mum has a hard time of it. Not so they should worry, not that they are put in the position of caring for you, but noting wrong with getting a hug and a cup of tea to help you feel better.

And someone will come along for you, I can feel it in my water (do not laugh, I have deadly accurate water I tells ya)

You are an Amazing person to not have cried in front of your children. I am widowed too, but with only one child and I know how lonely it can be. I find the holidays are the worst times.
Can you not turn your stopcock off and still have your day out?

wow this sounds hard.

are your husband's family members no help to you at all? Do you know your neighbours?

How old are your dc now?

if you are working, studying, bringing up teenagers 8ouch) and dealing with a home and all these unresolved plumbing and roofing problems and feeling lonely and sad really I think it is no wonder at all that you are struggling.

Not much advice to give really, sorry abou that. I just want to say that I realy feel for you, and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job with your dc's. It's good that you have said that you will cry in front of your dc's, honestly, it will not do them any harm. When mine have seen me upset about something, I have just explained in an age appropriate way what it is that has upset me, and that everything is fine really. They understand that grown ups can be angry, upset, confused etc, and it can actually be a good thing because it kind of gives them permission to be open with their emotions too.

If you are having thoughts of suicide though, you should speak to your GP, even if you know you wouldn't go through with it. Or is there anyone available to you through the college or uni you attend?

Keep going, it will all be worth it in the end.

just another here with no advice but am alone alot too.....

where are you AmazinWoman? DP is a plumber and I'll send him over tomorrow if you're nearby (we're Bristolish). It really does sound like you are an amazing woman to be bringing up teenagers alone, studying and working. Some things do seem to tip us over the edge and your leak is your "achilles heal". Once that is sorted, make sure you have your day out, your treat. In the meantime you are just going to have to keep on going. You do sound strong enough to do it.

Thank you everybody for replying. I feel really, really touched.

My son fixed the leak, luckily. It was leaking in two places and the tap is now wonky lol But it is fixed so I dont care.
Lucky really as I have no idea where the stopcock is, the only tap thing I can see I can't even move!! But that panic is over, I'm sure there will be another one.

I think maybe this studying is an extra pressure, but I can't stand my job so need to something positive. So studying is a "positive" stress as it fits in. After my exams in December though, I am dropping a module to get a breather.

Do you find that in real life that because you cope so well with everything, that people turn to you for advice? It does with me. Work colleagues always ask me for my advice, which is a compliment I suppose.

Nemofish, I really hope you're right that a special person is on his way soon. I really deserve some happiness, support and fun in my life.

sounds like you come across to other people as immensely capable and so no one thinks to offer you a hand. Would you find it difficult to ask for help?

I am so so sorry that you are feeling so awful. I feel like giving you a massive cup of tea and a hug. It's so good to talk about your feelings, please be aware that there are others in your situation, and may be able to offer you some support.

Is there any way of contacting you?

xx