to be bricking it over something that's socially beyond me? (long sorry)

[cruelladepoppins]

Oh dear I am in a bit of a pickle.

DS2 is having a party in an expensive planned venue with limited numbers. One of the children on the guest list is someone whose mother does not speak to me (One day she started blanking me whenever I said hello and I have given up on her now. I think I know the reason behind it but have never tackled her about it.) Anyway. I thought this was no reason not to invite her child, why should the children suffer when grown-ups are silly etc.

However. Her child has not RSVP'd to the invite, and if this child is not coming I really would like to invite someone else to use the place. I am faced with the prospect of ringing up and exposing myself to potential unpleasantness. I suggested to DS that he phone but he doesn't want to. I don't want to explain the reason to DS why I want him to ring. He's 10 and very articulate - using the phone is not a problem to him usually.

AIBU to be bricking it that I have got into a silly situation? Should I ask DH to do it? Seems like a cop-out and I should be grown-up enough to deal with it. DH has been on the end of the blanking treatment once (he told me at the time) but has genuinely forgotten about it.

Please don't advise me to clear the air with this person, because I have no interest in her other than the above. I do not want to be her friend or anything like that.

I am a nice person. Really I am!

At 10 years old your ds should phone his friend yes, surely he would phone him anyway.

YANBU for not wanting to speak this mother, I would feel the same.

YANBU I feel your pain, but I think you should just do it and if she is unpleasant, then it really is her problem. You're not doing anything wrong.

Rise above.

Text?

But yes ds should ring his mate

don't get involved

if ds wants other person there then he needs to sort it out

oh i would just get your dh to do it if he doesn't mind

I would text if you have her mobile no.

Get your DH to do it if it's not a big deal for him, otherwise just call and be very quick and ask the question directly. You might get her DH and it'll be much easier!

Next time put a date to RSVP by and if they don't by then they are not coming.

Found ourselves in a similar position with first birthday party we did - in end we had to assume alot of people weren't coming then do a load more last minute invites - which could I have caused offense but didn't.

Then had quite a few people who we supposed to be coming not come and dispite having all our contact details did not let us know.

Ring - if woman is rude you have your answer. If you have no interest in relationship with her then few seconds rudeness isn't going to kill you and will stop you worrying.

We avoiding parties this year as we found it vey stressful - we'll try again next year.

we are avoiding -

Just ask your husband to phone! All he needs to say is that no reply was received and should he assume that her son wasn't coming, because there is someone else who would like the place. That'll annoy her that she's not inconveniencing you - oh well, never mind!

Thanks all ... I don't have any mobile numbers (luddite!) so that option is out. I suppose I could send one of those voice text things to her home phone but they sound like a zombie and it might offend! [Can you imagine? My older nieces and nephews send each other offensive messages in this manner and they are so hilarious delivered in a monotone by this recorded woman. "Andrew. You suck." Anyway I digress ...]

Will ponder all your good advice.

You need to speak to her really as oppose to the children speaking. After all her son may say "yes" that he is coming when she has no intention of taking him.