To ask that my brother in law and girl friend wait until after 10 am to arrive?

[Ghostie]

This is a complicated one and there are two fairly reasonable positions here I think. Our DD is 4 weeks on Sunday and my DH's parents arrive from Australia tomorrow morning and are going to meet DD in person (not on skype) for the first time. Their plane lands at 5.30 and they will get back to our house around 8ish.

The problem is that my DH's brother and girl friend also live over here and are planning to go and meet the parents at the airport...again reasonable. But, they then want to all come back here, before I've even had a chance to get in the shower or have breakfast and spend the entire day all 4 of them in our flat until bedtime. I think this is too much. DD gets quite fretful in the afternoon, when and where am I am meant to express and I have been doing all the nights on my own ever night, so am pretty exhausted and don't really want all them there all day...is it unreasonable to ask for a little space and consideration? I totally understand that the family need to meet DD and spend time together, but the entire day?

What's your DH doing in all this?

He can do all the running around.

YAB a bit U, though, the parents HAVE flown across the world for this.

It won't happen very often.

I would gnaw my right arm off if any of my rellies came to see mer in Oz.

YANBU - arriving at 8am to a home with a new baby is not on

why do they HAVE to go to the airport too? if they must, tell them to stop off for breakfast on the way back

I quite agree. I think arriving at 10am, then they leave for lunch and give you some peace (or you all go out to lunch and then you go back home after).

i would have them over in the morning and make them ALL leave the house at lunchtime for two or three hours with your DH so you and the little one can nap.

I would let them all tunr up at 8, since they're coming from australia.

BUT, get your dh to plan the day so you are not stuck with them all day. No need for that. Dh should take them for a walk with their new granddaughter, leaving you time to rest and express if you need to.

What's happening at lunch time? Dh's brother could maybe organise lunch. If not, then you def get dh's brother to leave before or after lunch so you get a break in teh afternoon when dd is at her most tetchy.

I think with a baby that small in the house, it is a bit much to ask for you to entertain people for that length of time, no matter where they have come from. I would certainly say that DH needs to be playing host, and he needs to be clear with the guests that you and baby will need nap time at some (or several) point(s) during the day.

There is no way a 4 week old can be expected to be pleasant and sociable for that period. I'm 29 and I would struggle!! Staying all day won't give them any extra quality time with her.

How about you send them out for a pub lunch or something, so they can see her for a couple of sessions while she is pleasant, but give you and her some decent rest inbetween. Added bonus, you don't have to feed them or clear up.

Do you have any nice places they could take baby for a walk in her pram and give you a break during the day? You might find you can plan an itinerary for the day that sneaks in ways to ease the pressure off you - a day of drinking tea at each other and asking "how have you been" will drive you all nuts.

I assume they aren't just coming over for the day, can they not do a few shorter visits in their time over here?

You may find your pils falling asleep themselves mid afternoon after a flight from Oz!!

I dont think you will really have them with you all day long . The PIL will have had a really long and exhausting flight and onward journey and wont be up for much in the way of interacting by the time they arrive at yours.

But it is reasonable to get whoever is doing the picking up to delay their arrival until around 9-10 . You can just drop them a text or quick call to let them know you intend to still be in bed at 8am after a disturbed night with the baby. They will ( should ) understand .

Later, you just excuse yourself and disappear into the bedroom with the baby for whatever time it takes to express and doze-putting a chair against the door if absolutely necessary for privacy .

You can set the tone of the visit by letting them have as much time with the baby as they want while shes happy but then making sure she is also allowed to have quiet time for sleeping and feeding.

Oh - and get DH to do all the running around and catering for the visitors -you can play queen for once

YANBU - although it needs careful management or you will seem unwelcoming.

Does BiL live a long way from you? PILS go there and then you go over slightly later? Also - surely they will be knackered after the flights etc and need to kip? Where are they staying?

Otherwise you will just have to lump it, it's only one day. And DH can bloody well pull his finger out and do some of the nightshifts, no?

Just get them all to go out for lunch for a few hours, leaving you with some time to yourself.

If your PILs are arriving at 8am does it make much difference to you if BIL and GF arrive two hours later or at the same time?

I think the crucial thing is they all go out at lunchtime for a few hours, then it won't be so daunting for you.

agree with sirstan

All good advice there.

The pil will be fast asleep by ten am!!

Thanks it is good to get this off my cheast and I think I am just going to have to grin and bear it, but it sticks in the throat! You'd think that after a long flight they would want some chill time, but they are really full on and want everyone to be together all of the time and will happily stay awake and all be together from dawn till dusk!

I really want to be welcoming and for them to have an amazing time with their grand daughter and they have been incredibly generous to us, I just want a little consideration of the need for some space - BIL is not so good at this and none of the family ever say what they really think or feel, which I find really frustrating. PIL are staying here and are going to be here for the best part of a month!

I guess what I want is DH and me to be a team, so for him to tell them ok, DD needs some quite time we'll stay here for a bit and you guys go and have lunch/coffee or whatever for a bit.

I am sure they will be really helpful and hopefully everyone will see the need to be a bit more considerate with a new baby around...here's hoping!!!

agree with echt and a few others, living in NZ I would cut off my right arm to have family/friends visit. I understand them wanting to rush straight from the airport and see their grandchild I don't think they will care whether the house is tidy, you are showered, the baby is grumpy.......

I also think they will crash and burn and you'll find that they won't be in your face all day so imo yabu

I think it's probably a bit overwhelming for you, but it's not going to be that bad.
Why can't DH watch DD while you get showered and dressed before 8?
And take the pump upstairs to express, good excuse to get some time away from them.
and pil will be tired.
if you get tired, no-one will mind if you excuse yourself for a bit
It will be ok!

ybu...they're coming all the way from australia and after a long flight they should hang around some more so you can shower?get up earlier,give dd to dh and shower,tidy up the day before.when you need to express/feed/put dd to sleep excuse yourself,get in your bedroom and close the door...