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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put the phone down on the man who asked me 'is your husband there'

63 replies

DuelingFanjo · 30/07/2010 16:45

Stupid council have passed my number onto a firm who do loft insulation because I filled in a form about 2 years ago. I put my work number on there so now they call me in work every few months to try to find out the depth of the loft insulation

Him: How deep is the loft insulation?
Me: I have no idea
Him: has no one ever been in the loft?
Me: yes but no one has ever measured the depth of the loft insulation
Him: Do you have cavity wall insulation?
Me: No idea
Him: Is your husband there?
Me: No I am in work and anyway I doubt my husband would know the answers either...

Phone down.

Gaaahhhh

OP posts:
Porcelain · 30/07/2010 17:55

I have been quite amused lately with the people building our conservatory. Because the house is mine, all the paperwork is in my name, but because I have DP and am pregnant, they keep assuming I am a Mrs (I always tick Ms, which is short for "none of your damn business), so they then started referring to DP as Mr [my surname]. He bristles every time.

Lulumaam · 30/07/2010 17:57

i suppose that's the other way to look at it colditz

but i was very clear it was my money and my decision. i found it really ridiculous that even with that being the case, i could not make the appointment

Vallhala · 30/07/2010 18:02

YADNBU to put the phone down on the ignorant man! You go girl!

BouncingTurtle · 30/07/2010 18:07

I remember when I bought my last one one car, was buying a brand new car for the first time.

One of the dealerships DH and I left fairly quickly as the salesman kept talking to DH about why HE should buy a particular car. I had already said that the car was for ME
DH was along because a)any big financial decisions are always made jointly and b) I value his opinion.

It just fucked me off the way the salesman wasn't trying to find out what I wanted in a car!

prettybird · 30/07/2010 18:36

But Colditz - does that also mean that single people can't be sold to?

....'cos there MrPrettybird didn't exist

DragonMamiCooksWelshCakes · 30/07/2010 19:30

I once walked out of a car showroom as the salesman walked straight up to DH & asked him how he could help, completely ignoring me standing in front of him & saying "excuse me, I've come to test drive one of your cars". My car, my money, my decision I'm afraid.

I also had an interesting visit from a double glazing salesman who did his entire pitch at my DH, despite me being the in the same room, being the one that worked in construction & knowing about windows. I waited for him to get really patronising when answering my questions before giving him a technical breakdown on why I thought his windows were crap. He left fairly soon afterwards.

tinkletinklelittlestar · 30/07/2010 23:14

I've had a bad experience with a car dealer (a VW one). I went with my DP and the dealer just spoke to him and ignored me - my DP said "she's buying not me" many times. I felt like I was selling the idea of me trying out a few VW cars - imagine! I wanted to try a few cars cos I'd had my insurance payout (~£15k) but he wouldn't get anything from the dealer network unless I guaranteed I was going to buy it - er, how would I know I wanted to buy it unless I'd tested it and why is it my problem if he doesn't have the cars in stock at his dealership? He couldn't answer that and I walked out. I went back to Honda - much better.

prettybird · 30/07/2010 23:27

I had a similar problem with a Toyota delaer close to where I live. I had had a Toyota Avensis company car which I had been very happy with; the company was changing from a company car system to giving us a money allowance, so it was my car to buy. I wanted to buy an Avensis, but wanted to understand/get a grip on the most competitive way of purchasing it - and I wanted to see the technical spec of the new (at the time) Avensis model

a) they didn't have any current brochures nor could/would they get thier hands on a copy
b) they thought they might be able to match the best offer I had been able to find on a lease purchase of a similar model.

All the time, directing their attention and "efforts" to dh (who at the time was a SAHD).

On the basis of a Which? article, we popped into a Mazda garage to look at the Mazda6. The (older) salesman understood who was buying and gave us me all the relevant information and a deal that meant I would be paying less per month plus at the end of 3 years, without a further "balloon" payment, would own the car

Guess what car we are still driving

I kept on meaning to drive back into that Avensis garage in my new car and tell them what I thought of them - but that would have been petty

BarmyArmy · 30/07/2010 23:46

Lots of chips on shoulders here!

aleene · 30/07/2010 23:54

Islandlady you made me laugh out loud for the best part of a minute there.

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 30/07/2010 23:57

Caller: I'm calling from Blahblahblahblah Coservatories and Windows etc... Would you be interested?

Me: I don't know, can you hold the line please?

Then I go and make a cup of tea / wash my hair / Mumsnet or whatever. After about 15minutes I replace the phone.

But then I'm evil like that!

aurynne · 31/07/2010 01:07

When I was a student and I was living in a shared flat, I got a visit from a guy doing some kind of interview. the conversation went like this:

Him: Good morning, could I please speak to the head of the house?
Me: Yes, it's me.
Him: But... erm... no, I really need a man.
Me: That's your problem mate, the one in this house is already taken.

I felt bad for the very crimson young guy afterwards. After all, they just do what they're told. But hell if I'm going to let every idiot assume the head of a house is always a man!

Vallhala · 31/07/2010 01:34

This reminds me of when I was a service manager in a car dealership. I was employed because I knew about cars.

Simple, you'd think?

No.

On more than one occasion I'd answer the phone to a customer asking to speak to the service manager. I'd reply, "Speaking Sir, how can I help you?", only to hear...

"Oh no, love, I want the service manager, not the girl on reception!".

StealthPolarBear · 31/07/2010 08:18

aurynne, I can't believe they got any customers that way! If DH answered the phone to someone asking for the head of the house, he'd say it was him, if I answered, it would be me! So surely in about 50% of the cases they'd have that argument - can't imagine many women meekly going off to get their husbands!

sunny2010 · 31/07/2010 08:46

A salesman from the electricity board came to the door once and asked my husband if his mum was there!! Haha I didnt let it go for weeks.

OP yeah the guy that rang you was an idiot and I would have done the same.

JaneS · 31/07/2010 09:56

Well, it's better than 'is your daddy there?'. Which is what my 50-something mum still gets asked!

My DP has a very obviously foreign, Eastern European name. Sometimes you can actually see people thinking, 'hmm ... there's a woman here ... that's no good ... but then, the man probably doesn't speak English ...'. It's amusing. I once had the guy who came to survey the flat say to me (over DP's head), 'can you explain to your husband that there's a condensation issue here?'

colditz · 31/07/2010 11:58

No, single people can be sold to just fine. In fact, the sales staff prefer it that way as it means you're not going to change your mind because your pertner's persuaded you to go elsewhere!

It's really not about mysogyny. It's about one partner ordering some work done while the other is away, and then the other gets back and chucks a fit and as a result, we don't get paid. Time is money, sales are money, and if a sale you've spent all day on falls through because you didn't talk to both people, you've wasted your time.

edam · 31/07/2010 12:10

Colditz, if it's a bloke who answers the phone, do they say 'is your wife there'? Really?

Guess the question would be less offensive if they said partner. Because at least it would signal they weren't making assumptions about 1950s housewives with hubbies who make all the financial decisions.

Or maybe they should have a phrase that explains they need both partners/spouses to approve the work. 'Is your husband there' just sounds so patronising.

colditz · 31/07/2010 12:14

No, they say "Will your wife be there when we come round?"

Really, truly.

colditz · 31/07/2010 12:17

But why the assumption that the sales staff are being sexist when in fact they are being the opposite by recognising that a husband may not steam ahead and have the windows ripped out without the wife's input?

The fact is that the majority of cohabiting couples who have the money to replace windows are married. I don't know what that says about the socioeconomic state of this country, it probably says something about the high cost of weddings. My point is asking if someone's husband/wife is there is a valid question.

edam · 31/07/2010 12:24

oh, OK. But when they say 'will your husband be there' you don't know that they'd ask your other half if you were there. It just sounds sexist and patronising. Think they need to come up with a less loaded phrase.

Sadly the firms of exploitative spyster shits never seem to ask my elderly MIL if her husband will be in. (Well, he has been dead for a decade...) They just pop round and fill in forms to take out masses of credit for dodgy home 'improvements' despite the form clearly saying the person should only be approved for credit if they are in employment.

colditz · 31/07/2010 12:41

It's difficult, when you are 'in flow' to suddenly start frightening your potential customer with talk of 'signing' and 'officially' and 'shared mortgages' and 'contractual obligations'..... you want to give the impression that you are just popping in for a chat, and while you're at it, you'll give those windows a quick measure and quote them a price.

It's just as hard when you're dealing with a 70 year old man who doesn't understand that we can do NOTHING without his wife's say so.

edam · 31/07/2010 13:34

Yeah, but that's not entirely honest, is it? If the home improvements you are selling DO involve contractual obligations and shared mortages, it's a big underhand to describe it as 'popping round to measure your windows'.

edam · 31/07/2010 13:35

bit underhand, I mean!

colditz · 31/07/2010 13:39

no, all the actual quote involves is popping round to measure the windows then going away. but it's a pointless waste of time to do that if the other partner is going to prevent any sale, and like I said, time costs money.