Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to not go out as I can't LONG (ish)

23 replies

LouM10 · 30/07/2010 08:36

One reason for this, is I am 31+4 and i have been saying to him for the last 3 mth 'Are we going to go out for the day before I get too big/tired as when the baby comes, we aren't going to get the chance' His reply is always 'Yeah we'll do something when i get paid.'

Lo and behold, he is getting paid today, and last night when he got in from work, I got 'I'm going out with Paul tomorrow night'

I used to go out and drink soft drinks, but I'm too big now. A part of me thinks, well I can't go out anymore, so why aren't you sitting in with me bored instead of going out having fun. He never went out, and now I'm too big, he's started. Why couldn't he have done this months ago?

We don't have very much spare money, and all I ask for is perhaps a walk on the beach and a nice lunch out. Just one day would be enough. instead, he's going out with his workmate and I have a feeling that this lovely day out is never going to happen.
I am feeling bitter, pissed off, and feel like telling him not to come home tonight haha.

I was supportive when he lost his job, then was working part time and bringing hardly any money in, got myself into loads of debt because of it, and now he is working, just feel like I deserve to do something nice, or even have him buy something really thoughtfull, like a box of chocs or anything. Feeling lonely, and under appreciated. Normal or not? lol

OP posts:
tortoiseonthehalfshell · 30/07/2010 08:39

Do you have SPD? Because otherwise, I have to say I think you might be being a teeny bit precious to say that you can't go out at less than 32 weeks. Are you expecting him to stay in every night for the next two months?

But you're pregnant and you want to be nurtured and loved, I know. I think you should let the night out go, and suggest that tomorrow you two go for your walk on the beach and have fish and chips - because after all, he just got paid.

Bonus unsolicited advice: don't get yourself into personal debt to bail out a partner if you don't have joint accounts and totally transparent finances. That way lies disaster.

notnowbernard · 30/07/2010 08:42

I think you're being a bit unreasonable

Why can't he go out with his mates?

Why can't you go out together at the weekend?

I suspect you are a bit hormental (LOVE that phrase, someone on here came up with it!)

I do sympathise, I am nearly 40w so feel quite mental most of the time

MrsGravy · 30/07/2010 08:45

Are you fed up because his night out now means you can't afford your day out? If so, that's perfectly reasonable. I'd remind him that you're going to have a day out. See if a compromise could be reached? He goes out with x amount, leaving enough for a picnic on the beach or something.

But I do agree that you're being a bit unreasonable if you expect him to stay in for the next 2 months just because you don't feel like going out!!

Original poster
LouM10 · 30/07/2010 08:50

I can go out, I would just feel a bit uncomfortable going out on a weekend night time when it's busy, as lack of seats, ridiculous amounts of drunk people stumbling round, too hot etc.

Had a horrible feeling I was being unreasonable. Lol in my head though, I think it's perfectly acceptable to expect him not to go out We both decided to have a baby so he should go through a bit of what I am haha.

And I'm sick of suggesting going out. In 3 month I have brought it up about 9 times. I don't want to feel like I'm dragging him out to spend time with me. I feel like he should be doing it off his own back.

I will try to not be stroppy about tonight though. Oh and as far as the debt goes I have learnt my lesson. As he moved in with me, I was paying all the bills and relying on little bits of money from him. It got to the point where I said, right, heres the council tax, gas and electric, and water. You get them changed into your name and you pay them as I'm working full time, yet getting charged ridiculous amounts for going over my overdraft every month and it's not fair. He got a job with more hrs after that. Funny eh?

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/07/2010 08:50

I don't understand why you can't go out anymore? I had quite bad SPD, but DH and I used to go out for dinner right up until after my due date. I just waddled

Let him have his night out, but organise a outing for the two of you.

notnowbernard · 30/07/2010 08:55

You CAN still go out

Just take it easy

I have a 6 and a 3 yr old and it's the Summer holidays so have no choice

Make the most of the last few weeks to do things just for you! Enjoy the sun in a park with a good book or something

Go for a swim

Sleep

DP has NEVER got the 'going through pregnancy thing' with me, FWIW. He only gets excited right at the end. I can accept it must be hard to understand what pregnancy feels like on an emotional level... and it's a bloody long time as well

Original poster
LouM10 · 30/07/2010 08:55

Yeah I know. We could go to a local pub or something like that, and that's the problem, we aren't going for meals. I think if he took me out, even once a month, I wouldn't feel like this. Instead he wants to go to Newcastle on a Friday night, and he could suggest a local pub and all of us and friends etc could go out.

And notnowbernard, loving hormental haha

OP posts:
BellevilleRendezvous · 30/07/2010 08:56

do you mean that you haven't been out with your DP for the last 3 months?! Why don't you just organise something instead of asking?

and of course you can go out when you are heavily pregnant. if people don't give up their seat, ask them! or get your DP to ask them. they usually will when they realise you're pregnant.

notnowbernard · 30/07/2010 08:58

Hormental wasnt mine (alas)

Will search and find...

Original poster
LouM10 · 30/07/2010 09:00

I have been for a meal for my birthday in FEB. Been to the fish quay for chips a few times but that was ages ago. Great eh?

OP posts:
BellevilleRendezvous · 30/07/2010 09:01

I still don't understand why you have to rely on him to take you out? why can't you decide where you would like to go and when, invite another couple and tell him it's happening?

notnowbernard · 30/07/2010 09:01

thesecondcoming coined the phrase

I love it, tis very apt and is what I feel like 99% of the time

DillyDora · 30/07/2010 09:09

LouM10 sounds like you need a night out with the girls! Are you going out (socially, I mean, not just to the shops) at all? It might make things feel better if you were. And then, I agree with the others, organise a nice meal out with DP and let him pay

Eglu · 30/07/2010 09:13

LouM10 I can understand you not wanting to go into Newcastle on a weekend night. It does seem a shame that he won't take you out anywhere and is off into town.

Hope he does something nice with you soon.

YummyorSlummy · 30/07/2010 09:14

I think op just wants her dh to do something nice for her by organising a day out.I can understand this because I'm a bit like that too when it come's to stuff, and I can't even put it down to being hormental as I'm not pregnant! lol. Just have a quick chat with him before he goes out , tell him everything you've told us and ask him if he can arrange a lovely day out for you this weekend.

MrsC2010 · 30/07/2010 09:24

I'm due on Sunday (please be on time! Yeah right...) and we're off to the cinema and Wagamamas tonight! Arrange something and do it.

MumNWLondon · 30/07/2010 09:27

What do you mean not go out? You are pregnant (and even then still with 8 weeks to go) and not ill.

When I was 36 weeks I went (from London) to Liverpool on an overnight business trip. I gave a presentation to over 100 people, and then went out for dinner with my Liverpool colleagues.

I was also going to the gym 3 times a week.

Unless you have a complication you haven't mentioned I think you are being a little precious.

Either organise to go out with your friends or tell you partner when your next "date" will be.

Original poster
LouM10 · 30/07/2010 09:39

yummyorslummy has it. I feel like it's always me who has to initiate everything and just want him to say, darling, I'm taking you out!

I'm not saying I can't go out full stop, I just can't go to Newcastle Centre on a weekend as it's packed and I'd feel really uncomfortable out with a bump.

I'm quite happy to go to local pub, walk on the beach, picnic or something like that

OP posts:
Original poster
LouM10 · 30/07/2010 09:42

Dillydora, that' all I've been having, my g/f and sister coming round. It's nice, but still need some attention from OH haha.

And thanks Eglu. Me too

OP posts:
stressheaderic · 30/07/2010 09:56

I always felt a bit weird going to pubs when heavily pregnant, as if people were checking to see if I was drinking...

I know where you're coming from , OP. I was 32 weeks ish at Christmas, very fat and anemic/lethargic and also pretty miserable - still expected DP to stay in with me and mope about, just as I was doing. Hormental? That was me.
He (quite rightly) buggered off on a few nights out with the lads, saying it was probably his last chance. Looking back, I'm glad he did really because he certainly hasn't had many since!

DillyDora · 30/07/2010 10:01

O blimey, if you've applied the girly mates treatment and still don't feel better then desperate measures are needed ...

I have just had a most illuminating conversation with DH about his motivation for taking me out (we're both wfh today i.e. sitting about chatting) and it was not what I thought at all (trust me, you don't want to know)! He also said that if I feel he's not paying me enough attention then I tell him directly and he does something about it (God, how !!!) but that if he isn't taking me out his because he's kind of forgotten rather than that he means any harm (forgotten?!). I think you have told your OH so ....hmm.... would someone else have a word with him?

Original poster
LouM10 · 30/07/2010 10:07

I might pop round to his mams cos he's a bit of a mummys boy haha.
I know I should be pleased that he's going out now, but I'm just not. Think I need to get me hormones sorted out. But it does feel a bit like I'm paid, off with the mates. Why not out with the wife and then I'll go out with me mates. I know he won't get the chance when baby is here, but neither will us as a couple.

As far as me taking the initiative, I think, why should I. He should want to treat me and take me out ONCE surely? mneh. Feel loads better after I got all this off me chest haha

OP posts:
DillyDora · 30/07/2010 11:29

glad it helped to get it off your chest, and I think a word with his Mum might be good.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread