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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a backseat at let my dc to get on with it

21 replies

alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 21:22

I have 2 kids, A dd aged 17 and a ds aged 14,

I am sick to death of their stupid arguments, they both want me to side with them even though its over something stupid,

They both wanna have the last word and even when i do intervene they ignore me, think i'm just goona go and live with the cat.

Its seriously doing my head in, should I just let them get on with it even when I know a certain one started it?

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 29/07/2010 21:46

Yep, if they're not listening to you anyway. Just zone them out.

Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 21:56

Will defo try to zone them out although it is difficult when I can hear them from my bedroom and get each one coming in at different times moaning about the other,

Got 6 weeks of this lol thankfully my 4 year old niece who I look after and is just as bad is on holiday for the next 2 weeks,

OP posts:
ponceydog · 29/07/2010 21:59

Ignore them. They are too old for you to be involved. Or tell them to bugge roff out of your house

Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 22:09

AHHH the cat is defo much more easier to handle, Just been informed my room smells of vodka when ive had 3 drinks of vodka and coke,

OP posts:
Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 22:10

didnt realise my dd had such a sensitive nose

OP posts:
Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 22:17

is she just looking for a fight?

should I just go to sleep and see if its better tomorrow?

OP posts:
Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 22:38

Ahhh tried to make friends with dd but she dont wanna know, ds doesn't care as long as he is on his game, feel like shit, sometimrs wonder why I bother?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/07/2010 22:40

I suggest you get a kitten too, then you can have 2 cats - always someone being nice to you then , especially at feeding time

Colliecross · 29/07/2010 22:42

They will love you again when they are twenty, hang in there.

Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 22:44

maybe you are right CarGirl think that
defo sort the kids out

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/07/2010 22:48

Mine are looking at me with pure adoration (the cats that is), at bedtime they get to share half a pouch of wet food!

Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 23:01

I dont want 2 cats, 1 is enough with 2 teenage kids, just want to know if I should back off when they are arguing/fighting or just let them get on with it? I'm always at fault at the end of the day in one way or another supposidlly so should I just let it ride till tomorrow or make a big deal of it now?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/07/2010 23:11

I would back off.

The can come and moan at you and you can empathise.do reflective listening but don't get drawn in!

Have you read "how to listen to kids can talk and talk so kids can listen" there is a teen one too but I'd read both.

Original poster
alfiethekittycat · 29/07/2010 23:27

No I hvant resd that CarGirl They are just frggin doing my head in, Think ds likes me retreating to my room as he has big telly to himself for xbox, just fed up with comstant bickering and name calling, I know teenagers do that but sometimes I feel invisiable and wonder why I bothered,

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/07/2010 23:28

That book is good but it gives you tools that you can use to reclaim your space and peace - worth a try?

sunnydelight · 30/07/2010 06:26

If it's any consolation I read an article recently which said that allowing siblings to argue and sort it out themselves without getting involved made them more emotionally resilient and gave them better negotiating skills than kids whose parents always intervened. That's my kids stuffed then

Tee2072 · 30/07/2010 07:33

My mother raised 6 of us. Her one rule that was never broken? 'I don't get involved unless someone is bleeding.'

I think you should adopt this rule and stick to it as religiously as my mother did.

Oh, wait, she did break it once. When my brothers (I am the youngest, BTW, 4 boys, 2 girls), all of them, decided tickle Tee until she wees was a good game. And they did. And I did. On my mother's new living room carpet. We thought there would be blood shed on that one, but caused by her.

CardyMow · 30/07/2010 07:52

Hahaha Tee...I (currently) have 3 dc's that are hell bent on constantly screaming at each other. My rule is also that I'm not getting involved unless there's bloodshed! For some obscure reason, I seem to be 15+5 with number 4....

Tee2072 · 30/07/2010 08:08

Congratulations Loudlass! Keep that rule! My mum, to this day, says it saved her sanity.

She now has 10 grandkids and keeps the rule going.

homebirthmummy4 · 30/07/2010 08:33

i agree with sunnydee, let them learn how to handle conflict for themselves (certainly at this age) and only get involved if someone is getting hurt/breaking the law.
then shut yourself in another room and tell yourself that you just cant hear it la la la.

if it helps, my teens argue, 3 floors up i hear 'why dont you just go and kill yourself'. hard not to run up and yell but DH restrains me and DDs are friends again v. quickly.

deaddei · 30/07/2010 09:47

I too have 2 arguing dcs, 13 and 11.
I have been known to leave the house whilst they are squabbling, go for a coffee, and then return.
I am determined this holiday to float about serenely and not let it get to me.
Dh on the other hand, lost it big time with them yesterday and they were banished to their rooms for 3 hours.

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