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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to go to a BBQ rather than a wedding reception?

25 replies

DetectivePotato · 29/07/2010 17:26

I have made some fantastic friends since having DS and we have all become very close. Some of our DH's have become friends too through the wives. A couple of friends want their DH's to get out a but more too so we thought of having a big BBQ. We have planned it for the 28th August.

An old 'friend' (I would say more acquaintance these days seeing as I have seen her 3 times in 3 years and then she spent half her time texting someone) is getting married and she said ages ago about sending me an invite. I didn't hear anything and I sent her a message on facebook asking when her wedding was and she never replied. This morning I got an invite for the evening do and its on the 28th August.

Me and this woman were best friends at school, when it suited her. She was a bit of a user and when someone else would come along, she would bugger off with them, then come back to me when she was fed up and I always let her. We went on holiday when we were 18 with 2 other friends and it was a nightmare. She spent the whole week literally running away from me and another girl and buggering off with her latest best mate who was the other girl. We stopped speaking after that for a few years but we got back in touch and just kept in touch now and again, but it was me doing the chasing as usual and I gave up which is why I have seen her so few times recently. She only works a mile from my house too so it would be quite easy for her to visit.

Should I make the effort and go to the evening do? The BBQ is probably in the afternoon as our DCs are all going to be there too, so I could do both although I may have to leave the BBQ, or should I just cut my losses and not bother with her? DH isn't fussed at all on going to the wedding reception but he would go if I sadi we were going.

I also can't tell her that we aren't coming because we are going to a BBQ can I?

WWYD?

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 29/07/2010 17:28

You can tell her you have a prior engagement, which you do.

If she really wanted you at her wedding she would presumably have given you more than a month's notice, since it is on a Bank Holiday weekend.

TrillianAstra · 29/07/2010 17:28

(totally ignoring how she sounds like not a very good friend)

scurryfunge · 29/07/2010 17:29

I would go to the BBQ definately.....far more enjoyable. I'd tell her unfortunately you can't make it(you don't have to give a reason).

DetectivePotato · 29/07/2010 17:29

I did think it was weird about the timing. Surely people send out wedding invites more than a month in advance. Her status on facebook said there were done at least a couple of months ago.

OP posts:
snickersnack · 29/07/2010 17:30

Was going to reply but it would have been word for word the same as Trillian

scurryfunge · 29/07/2010 17:30

Do you think she invited you after your prompt on facebook?

Itsjustafleshwound · 29/07/2010 17:32

Go to the BBQ

You can't be such good friends that you are only invited to the reception but not the ceremony.

When I had my first, I admit that my friendships changed (in that I lost touch with a lot of my single, childless friends) as I had grown apart and the friendships had come to the end.

DetectivePotato · 29/07/2010 17:32

Probably not scurry I asked her that well over a month ago, possible more than 2 months. I asked cause she was always putting stuff on there about the wedding and I was curious to know when it was.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 29/07/2010 17:32

That said my ditsy SIL got married in early May and was still making the arty crafty invitations at Easter, so no more than a month's notice. She had already told everyone who was invited when/where it was in advance though. Well, I think she had. She'd told us, at least. And it wasn't a Bank Holiday.

scurryfunge · 29/07/2010 17:33

I wouldn't worry....the summer is too short....go to what you will enjoy the most.

Mowgli1970 · 29/07/2010 17:35

I'd go to the bbq - they're the ones who you're closest to.

MorrisZapp · 29/07/2010 17:39

Can I insert a really pedantic observation here.

Surely the letters BBQ said out loud make 'bee bee cue'.

Which means nothing.

Whereas Bar-BQ sounds like barbecue.

I think OP sould go to the bee bee cue.

TrillianAstra · 29/07/2010 17:54

I write BBQ because I'm not sure if there is a q when you write the whole word

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/07/2010 18:06

sounds to me your were on the reserve guest list

i expect more than 4 weeks notice for a wedding, esp one thats on a bhw

go to the bar bee queue

RunawayWife · 29/07/2010 18:08

Why are you even asking?
She is not a good or close friend, she is a user.

Have a BBQ with your real friends and be done with it

MrsC2010 · 29/07/2010 18:09

BBQ gets my vote, life is too short to not build on these friendships with the people you like, they're more likely to be in your future I would guess!

SandStorm · 29/07/2010 18:11

It's only an evening invite. You don't need to say why you can't go - just send a card saying thank you but you are unable to attend. Chances are you won't hear from her for another three years anyway.

bellavita · 29/07/2010 18:12

Do the BBQ - you will have more fun.

IMoveTheStars · 29/07/2010 18:14

Go to the BBQ. A months notice for an August wedding? She'll have known about it for ages (assuming it's not a small, last minute thing or something) so she's being a PITA.

Just RSVP no, don't bother with a reason..

giraffesCanDanceInTheSun · 29/07/2010 18:15

bbq - you will have more fun there and its too short notice for wedding.

southeastastra · 29/07/2010 18:18

i read this as b and q - am rather partial to a bit of diy but would prefer a wedding

DetectivePotato · 29/07/2010 19:25

Oh good. A unanimous decision for the bar bee que then. (Is that better Morris ).

The friends I have now will be friends for life so I would rather focus on them anyway.

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 29/07/2010 19:36

I agree, go to the BBQ but don't buy her a present!

DetectivePotato · 29/07/2010 19:43

I wouldn't have even thought of buying her a present if I wasn't going to the wedding. Sod that!

OP posts:
LadyBlaBlah · 29/07/2010 19:52

YANBU

Weddings are shite these days. No fun at all

All about table arrangements, fake tan and chair covers............

And the buffets are always shit in the evening do

I'd pick a barbie any day of the week

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