To panic about childcare at 4.5 months pregnant - Aaarrgghh what to do?

[washingonawednesday]

Am 19 weeks pregnant with first child - barely showing a bump and yet i have just been told by several people at work that if i don't register for a nursary place NOW i will not have one in Jan 2012 when i may want to go back to work part time. (ave 70 people on the witing lists i have heard!!!)

this is my first baby, i am first in my circle of friends to get preganant. i am 29 so last dealing with a baby was 26 years ago with my little sister, no family near by, basically no clue! - i had anticipated lots of time to research this over the coming months and am now terrified i am going to make some rash decsion now that i will come to regret.

how do i know if i want a nursary or a childminder when i don't even know what maternity jeans i need!! Help!

and breathe...........

No need to panic. As far as I'm aware your colleagues are talking crap. I didn't go back to work but I have many close friends who did and they certainly didn't sign their DCs up for nursery before they were even born......definitely only did it about 6 months before they were due back.

It wouldn't hurt to do some research on childcare to help you work out which you think is the best option for you.........maybe even call a couple of your local nurseries to see what the average wait for a space is. But don't worry yet.

Do you live somewhere with a shortage of places then?

Meant to add - I had the same panic when I was pregnant, after I had DS I sorted something out, but not until he was 6mo or so.

Don't panic yet.

We started to look for a childminder when DS1 was 9 months old, a couple of months before I went back to work part-time. We did have to meet quite a few before we found the right person, but it was not terribly hard.

When DS2 came along we found a place in the nursery round the corner for both DS1 and DS2 without any trouble. No waiting list, any time we wanted...

Find out what the local nurseries are like. Only panic if situation is as bad as people tell you!

Living in Sunny Slough (lucky me!!) and in the quick research i did last night there are only 2 nursaries near the estate where we both work.

i think i would prefer a childminder - but how on earth would i know!!

WWYD? - what are the pros and cons of nursary vs childminder?

It depends where you live and what the childcare situation is like - before you panic call your local nurseries and ask how long the baby room waiting lists are!

Where I am the local nurseries had 12 month waiting lists for the baby room, so I put our names down when I was about 5 months pregnant. Childminders don't tend to have such long waiting lists so I'm only going to look into that option about 3 months before I need a place.

Nursery vs childminder: when do you go back to work? When DS1 was 9 months old it became obvious that he preferred smaller groups. We went for a childminder. When DS1 was 3 and we moved he went to a nursery. DS2 went to a nursery from the start. Partly because he seems quite unfazed by it, and partly because logistically it would be quite hard to be ferrying them to two places and getting to work. (Later on it turned out that it was possible to ferry them to two places (school and nursery) and getting to work on time, but it's so bloody stressful...)

You can always put your name down for a nursery, and then change your mind closer to the time if you feel it's unsuitable/have changed your mind. If nothing that might put your mind at ease?

If it makes you feel better visit the nurseries and book a place. You may decide against it but the worst that will happen is you lose the deposit.

Nearer the time you can look for a childminder but as your child will presumably be over 1 there's not the urgency to grab an under 1s space. You can find local CMs advertising on your local netmums childcare board or here.

Nursery or childminder is a very individual decision and you probably need to do a bit of research and visit places before you go.

Nurseries are cheaper, they provide a lot of structured activities, they're always open, your child will mix with children of the same age, the continuity of care is virtually guaranteed until your child goes to school and you can definitely access the funding when they turn 3 (not all CMs are accredited for it).

With a CM you have 1 key carer for your child to bond with, they're in a home environment, they're mixing with children of different ages and he community, their hours are a little more flexible and if your lucky you CM may continue to care for your child even when they go to school.

Equally there are downsides to one, the other or both.

And that was clearly 'post' instead of preview, so please excuse the typos...

Would go and look at some now whilst you can look around without baby in tow just to get a feel for the places, you can make a final decision once DC arrives. I found it interesting to see different approaches one nursery showed me round saying "this is where the babies play, this is where the babies sleep" etc whereas the nursery we chose asked whether we had a name for the baby and then used that so they said things like "This is where baby SQ would sleep, this is where we would change baby SQ" which gave an entirely different feel to the place. Plus when I went back for a visit after the birth they remembered what we were planning to call her.

Check out what the actual situation is locally - I found it largely came down to how many hours a week you wanted and which days. Tues-Thurs mornings had the heaviest demand, Mondays and Fridays were much less popular (lots of mums doing 4 day weeks so not working either Friday or Monday).

I would also suggest getting a nursery close to home if you can find a nice one. I'm currently off sick and it is a huge benefit to be able to crawl out of bed and walk DD round to nursery and then go back to bed to speed up recovery. I had originally planned to get somewhere close to work to maximise the time I could spend at work but I'm so glad I didn't. On the rare occasions DD has had to come home from nursery it is much easier to have a short journey from nursery to home.

Good luck with the baby and finding a nursery.

IME your friends are right... get your baby down for a nursery place now.

Then you can relax until you've had the baby. If you decide then that you want a child minder then the council will give you a list.

Also you should consider a nanny-share. It could be in your home and it has its advantages including not having to wake a sleeping baby and drop them off somewhere before going on to work.

All options are expensive though which is one fo the reasons a lot of women give up work and look after their child themselves. The other reason may or may not hit you like a tsunami when you have your baby and you try to imagine leaving him/ her in someone else's care for most of their waking day.

Nursery - pros: reliable (someone else's illness does not suddenly leave you without childcare); there is more than one adult so you can feel more assured that your child is being looked after i.e. you haven't left your baby with someone who will neglect him badly.

Nursery cons: inflexible (just don't get held up at work!); some nurseries close for holidays; your baby is just one of many (care ratio is 1 adult to 3 babies)

I have already started looking for a minder.

I chose a minder as they deal with smaller ratios - and the nursery where my sister works is full until Sept 2011.

I am not due till next year, but financially will only be able to take a few months Mat leave.

This was our desison and we are happy with it. But nruserys do have advantages so research both before you make a desision - you have so much time!!

I found that as I am already looking into childcare and have "a plan" I feel so much more relaxed - but I am lucky that have friends who work in nurseries and as CM's so had plenty of referrals to look at.

At the end of it, you need to be happy you have made the right desision

Sorry for typos - posting quick on phone!

Nurseries are generally more expensive than childminders ime.

Really, MUA? Wherabouts are you?

Nurseries where I was were £30-40/day open 7am-6pm.

Childminder were at least £3.50/hour and went up to about £6/hour so for comparable care they started at £38.50/day.

Nanny started at £70 gross per day and went up to about twice that, plus all the other add ons of employing a nanny....

I'm in Bristol - nurseries near me are around £40-£50 a day, local children's centre is £46 a day (though I have heard there are nurseries near by that are a little under £40 a day) - all seem to be open 8am-6pm. Childminders vary from £3.50-£4.50 an hour.

I think your friens are right. I book DS´s nursery when I was 2 months pregnant and I am in Berkshire as well. You have now time to go around and see them all. I had to see quite a few before I found one that I liked. The worse that can happen is that you lose your deposit if you change your mind, but IMO that´s better than having to settle for 2nd choice childcare because you are forced to organise it in a rush at the end.

OMG I read those articles when I was pregnant too - all lies lies lies as far as my experiences went. Might be bad in other parts of the country though? I'm in zone 2 London.

I found the most amazing childminder via a lady in queue next to me at baby clinic at doctors. This lady passed me name of childminder she loved but wasn't using as she was leaving the country. That CM was actually full but recommended the CM we went with who is PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT for our needs.

Do't worry - it will work out.

For us a childminder was perfect. DD was 7.5months when I went back to work & I loved the one on one relationship she gets with CM. Two years on CM & DD are deeply in love and it's worked out better than I ever could have hoped. CM is well trained, professional yet relaxed, reliable, trustworthy & we are all very grateful to have found her.

sorry just re read your date Jan 2012!!! 2012!!! YABU don't freak out - you've oodles of time to sort this.

thank God - thats what i thought! i was so suprised when people were looking at me as if to say 'you haven't got a place yet - are you mad'!

i have only just started showing so the idea of knowing what sort of childcare i want for a baby that i won't even meet for another 4.5 months is baffling!

any more childacre advice gratefully received!

i misread it too... I thought you were going back to work when the baby was only a few weeks old and I was thinking "wow, that will be hard to do!"

i think it does depend where you live - my best mate had her little boy 4 months before me and couldnt get a nursery place for when she went back to work 10 months later (she started looking when her DS was 2 months old)

Because of her experience we looked started looking last July when i was 9 months pregnant and put baby's name down before he was born as i knew not going back to work wasnt (unfortunately!) an option. There was no guarnatee that we would get a place in time but thankfully we did!

My best mate had to rely on her mum for 3 months until her nursery place became available.