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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I being unreasonable not to say anything?

5 replies

flibbertigibbert · 29/07/2010 10:16

Last year one of my secondary schoolfriends married her boyfriend of 4 years. She was fairly young - very early 20s - and for most of their relationship she had been away at uni 100 miles away, and they had never lived together, so we were a bit surprised at the engagement, and there were comments made about visas (he's from a West African country). Anyway, the wedding was lovely and afterwards I put the pictures up on Facebook.

I then got a call from an old friend from primary school who had seen the pictures saying 'how do you know 'Fred' (name of groom). It turned out that my primary school friend had gone out with 'Fred' at the same time he was going out with his now wife. Fred asked pschool friend for large amounts of money - hundreds of pounds - which she initially complied with, but then refused as it went on, so he dumped her. At that time, my sschool friend was 100 mils away at uni. A mutual friend verified that pschool friend had had a boyfriend who was bad news and demanded money.

I didn't say anything to sschool friend - they were already married so it was a bit late, and another friend who I confided in said it was best to say nothing. Problem is I feel really guilty. She's so happy with her husband and is planning to move a couple of hours away from her family because of his job. I had to block her on Facebook because I feel really weird about seeing her statuses saying how loved up she is. I don't see her much anymore as we live far apart, so most communication is via internet now. She was away at uni for 3 years, so I wonder how many other girls Fred went out with at that time.

Have I done the wrong thing in not saying anything to my friend?

OP posts:
RealityKicksArse · 29/07/2010 10:18

This reply has been deleted

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slushy · 29/07/2010 10:32

I would want to know but some people would not what kind of person is your friend.

flibbertigibbert · 29/07/2010 10:39

slushy - she's very Christian, so I imagine there would be more of a stigma to getting a divorce. If I'd known before the wedding I would've told her best friend and worked out what to do. Her and her husband's families don't have much money so they put a huge amount into organising the wedding cheaply and all of their friends helped out.

The cheating incident was a couple of years ago - it could be something that won't happen again.

OP posts:
slushy · 29/07/2010 10:42

If she is christian and unable to divorce then don't tell her but try to stay a friend so if things go wrong you can be there for her, It may be that the dates are slightly out and you are mistaken.

When I met my DP I was in a casual fling bit of fun relationship with his best mate . It was only fun with me and him though and we knew we were to different to actually make a go of things and when my DP came along I feel in love told my mate with benefits and my DP and it all ended amicably it could be she already knows.

pjmama · 29/07/2010 10:45

I'd keep my nose out if I were in your position I think. Chances are they'll work it out anyway and you'll be the one she never speaks to again. If he's bad news, unfortunately she has to find this out in her own time and won't thank you for dropping this on her when she's blissfully happy. You never know, he may have changed.

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