That's it! I've been reading all your scenarios for a while now, but now feeling sufficiently ratty to get this off my chest.
I have 3 kids, dds age 8 and 3 and ds age 13. Over the first 3 weeks of the summer I am sending dds to a playscheme, partly due to work commitments, but also partly due to my dh having a really hard time of it lately with excessive workloads, and then coming home to do the majority of the childcare and house work due to my excessive workloads. Things have calmed down a bit now, but I really thought that he needed a bit of a break. The girls love the playscheme anyway, so they're going there from 9-3 for 3 weeks. He will pick them up at 3 and have them until I get home at 6ish. The playscheme is quite an expense from our budget, but I definitely thought worth it.
Ds is too old for the playscheme. Both myself and dh were concerned that left to his own devices he's somewhat unmotivated, would surface from his room about 11am and then sit in front of a screen. This is a really annoying trait of his, since he's very sporty and sociable, he just can't seem to sort himself out if no-one's around to boot him out the door.
Dh looked into sending him on an outdoor pursuits camp for a week. It proved too expensive in the end, but he was considering spending £250 on this.
I had already spoken to ds about the possibility of doing some volunteer work over the summer, which he was actually really keen on doing. I had only discussed this the evening before dh started talking about camps, and I hadn't got around to mentioning it to dh. Just to clarify that dh hadn't deliberately gazumped my idea. So ds was made aware of the possibility of a camp (very excited) but then just go back to doing volunteer work. We've not had one complaint about this, and he was still just as keen to do volunteer work.
So in the end I organised for him to volunteer Mon-Weds this week, and Mon-Fri the week after next at a holiday scheme for disabled children. He started on Monday and absolutely loves it. He is 'in charge' of a team of four boys, one with down's syndrome, one with mild cerebral palsy and two able-bodied siblings. The kids adore him and (as far as I can tell) he's being a great help.
Dh has spent the last 2 days moaning that the charity are taking advantage of him and that he should be given a free lunch and travelling costs for volunteering. That's not really the point of volunteering though is it? Last night he discovered that ds was not volunteering on Thurs and Fri this week because I've booked him in for 2 days of football, run by the council, costing £10.
Now I get to the point! Dh is annoyed with me for doing this saying that it's a great experience for him volunteering, he's nearly 14 and it's such good life-experience that he should make the most of it. I think that while there still are some kid things that he can do he should make the most of them. He loves football and should have fun. Yes, volunteering is great for him, but it shouldn't be at the expense of his own leisure, just when he's free. It is his summer too.
IABU to let him play football, when he could be doing something 'useful'?
It also seems very unfair when his sisters are having significant money being spent on their fun.