to feel a bit peed off about money?

[Ladyanonymous]

OH/BF and I don't live together - hes in the forces. We spend most weekends together at my house which I have a large mortgage on.

I am a single mum of 3 currently getting divorced - I work and recieve maintenance from both my exs and get tax credits. I managed to hold on to the house through the recession but got into debt doing so.

I have moved two of my DCs into one room and rent out the extra room to foreign students sometimes. Money is very tight - every penny is budgeted for.

I am now in debt management paying off my debt which is fine. This means I "only" have a cash card - no credit or debit cards no overdraft - so essentially just cash - which I have got used to.

OH sometimes gives me a tenner or twenty quid etc when he is here for the w/e towards food shopping or buys a takeaway or helps out with things I need for the house. He downloads a lot and my internet bill has gone up.

Last weekend he said he'd get us a takeaway and borrowed cash from me to pay for it - the last cash I had until tomorrow. I told him this and said I would really need it back as I am skint and that is the only cash I have and I need to put electric on the meter etc. He went home Sun and he didn't give it back (so I had no money) and asked for my bank account details and said he would transfer it yday which he did not do as I had mentioned that one of my ex's had paid my maintenance (which is all money which is spoken for with bills etc) and that he thought he'd give it back to me nxt weekend.

Nxt weekend my kids are away (so I don't budget to feed them) and he is coming with his - but I will need to go shopping to get food in for them . He stayed before with them while I was away and I asked him to stick a fiver on the electric meter (leaving the card) which hie didn't do and while I didn't go shopping and get loads of stuff in he didn't replace anything he used.

AIBU to feel like he is taking the piss a little bit - and how do people broach this issue as I am naturally over generous with money and get really embarrassed talking about it - but money is really tight

He is in the Forces and ime, they can be quite divorced from the reality of running a house, especially if they live in the Mess, as 3 squares a day are provided, and the food/accommodation charge comes direct from their pay, so they don't fork the cash over iyswim.

He will be paid on Friday (last working day), so I would take him shopping when he arrives and explain that he has to pay for it as he had the last of your money for the takeaway.

Get him to do his downloading in his cabin so he pays, and spell it out as clearly as you can that you cannot afford to subsidise him and need him to contribute.

He is I think (a bit divorced from the reality) yet goes on about money a lot although earns a lot more than me.

Its a bloody Minefeild when you don't live together.

Was thinking about waiting to shop until he gets here as then he can get what the kids want anyway

I luckily have never had to budget for every penny so it is hard imagine the discipline you must have. I suspect your DP is the same and doesn't realise the extent of the situation you are in. I think next time you see him you will have to explain your financial sitation and that you just can't afford to be generous.

It might seem a bit silly, but when I was sharing a house we had a communal fund for extra stuff that nobody thinks about buying, ie cleaning equipment. Everyone divied up at the beginning a small amount and OH who didn't live there but spent lots of time around had to pay at least half of what everyone else did.

It was really good because the people who basically had no idea still contributed equally which they wouldn't have done without. Maybe you could do similar 'funds' for groceries for example, where you put it 2/3 and he puts in the rest, and both top it up againwhen it gets low.

I think you are right laweaselmys I need to try and broach the subject somehow because we have a really great relationship and I am beginning to feel resentful about this.

He wants to contribute as and when I think wheras I need him to contribute a regular amount as him being here (his 3 kids are staying for a few weeks in the summer)is a financial strain on me.

Need to get over my own pride .

Don't feel embarrassed about asking him to contribute. You are not responsible for his bills or feeding his DC. Fair enough if you had lots of money,but you don't. I think you need to have a proper talk about how tough things are for you as it's possible that he just hasn't realised.

He knows I find it tough - I think its a bit like scaryteacher said.

He has always been in the forces his whole adult life - atm doesn't even have to pay gas or electric which is a perk of his job but in civvy street I do.

I hate worrying about it and would love to be in a position not to care as if I was it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

His utilities will be included in the accommodation charge if he lives ashore, and they are payable when you have a Married Quarter.

Yes they are. Its unlikely we will ever get marrried though as he really hates the idea and his ex got a better financial settlement than he was happy with.

I think I am just really pissed off that he knew it was all the money I had and he has left me with no money for two days.

I feel quite angry about that.

is he that great a catch then?

Hes lovely he just has no idea what its like having to survive on "civvy street" he went from his mums at 16 into the forces.

I'm not bothered about getting married I am divorced too (nearly!). I know to me that marriage does not mean we will stay together.

The little girl in me wants to marry him because he makes me so happy and I completely adore him but he never wanted to get married the first time and only did so for a married quarter so I would not want to marry someone who did not feel the same way about that type of commitment as me.

I have no intention of travelling around with him as mine and my kids lives are here and we are both happy with that arrangement (to be based here).