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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my 3 lovely boys - never mind!

25 replies

whoodoo · 27/07/2010 17:33

Got 3 boys under 4.

Just got back from park. Granny there with her grandson comments 'you've got your hands full' (if I had a pound for everytime I heard that one but moving on..).

Then she said 'All boys? Not a girl in sight? What a shame. Never mind'.

I was a bit speechless and muttered something about the fact that it was just meant to be. Then I felt really cross but the moment had passed.

Have I failed for having only boys? Would she have commented if I'd had 3 girls? AIBU to be annoyed

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 27/07/2010 17:36

Oh christ not this again.

If you have what looks like lots of kids of one gender then people will think you might want one of the opposite flavour.

They don't have anything against your boys, really they don't. It's just something to say like oh no it's raining again, or are you going anywhere nice on holiday.

Original poster
whoodoo · 27/07/2010 17:41

sorry for boring you MorrisZapp..

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 27/07/2010 17:41

Don't worry about it. You'll get it lots.
My friend has 5 boys 7 and under. She hears it all the time. It's not malice - just a comment.

MumNWLondon · 27/07/2010 17:43

she'd have said the same if you had 3 girls, ignore her.

foureleven · 27/07/2010 17:43

You get to a certain age in life and youre allowed to say shit like this. Its bollocks but dont let it bother you.

My nan likes to tell me what a sad little creature my DD is because she's an only child.. and doesnt have my surname.. and doesnt have her dad at home blah blah blah

coventgarden · 27/07/2010 17:44

I am sure people don't mean anything by it but I get why it has annoyed you.

I have boy, girl, boy and a family members discussed the fact that it would have been better if I had had two boys then the girl. WTF? Did I have a choice?

TBH right now, I would prefer to have had 3 boys. But then I would have got the hoping for a girl? comment when I announced the third pregnancy.

ModreB · 27/07/2010 17:46

Oh dear. Just ignore them. I had my 2 elder boys, then a biggish gap, then got pregnant, a BIG suprise, a 3rd time. We found out that we were having another boy, and oh god the comments! "Never mind" "It's just not to be having a girl" (Who said we wanted a girl?) I just felt blessed to have a 3rd, unexpected but very welcome healthy baby, not a sodding accessory.

BuzzingNoise · 27/07/2010 17:47

3 boys? YOu have your hands full...

matumble · 27/07/2010 17:48

oh yes she would have commented, its not just boys, its this bizarre notion that a family is only complete with a mix of sexes. its rude and insulting, not just something to say, what a shame...you have 3 healthy children, what a shame....you have 3 well behaved children? no obviously we all want this 1 boy 1 girl perfection?

I have 3 girls and its no secret we are planning number 4, i have lost count of the people who have said ooh a boy next then, or 4th time lucky etc etc, I have started responding with comments such as 'i wouldnt know what to do with a boy now' and 'id pity the boy growing up with these 3 as big sisters'

I know at least 1 person with 3 girls who cannot carry boys, it hurts her a lot and to those who think its acceptable to comment, do you think its ok to ask childless people why they havent produced yet? or is that insensitive?

Horntail · 27/07/2010 17:49

YANBU, I have eight boys and 5 girls and people still comment!

matumble · 27/07/2010 17:51

having typed this i have realised i am angry about something else going on so that probably comes over unnecessarily stroppy but actually a comment like that ties in directly to why im angry, sorry for getting my stress out on your thread OP

Original poster
whoodoo · 27/07/2010 18:07

I know they probably mean nothing by it but like you say Matumble it's the inference that I've failed somehow - especially as they're boys and not girls.

Last week my aunty (who is normally really lovely) was commenting on a neighbour who, like me, has three under 4. Her final comment was said in a pitying tone and went along the lines of 'well I hardly dare tell you but her third was a girl'.

I got of the phone and actually cried - the way she said it was like my third was a bit of a write off cos he wasn't a girl. Ironically she took years to conceive her first (a boy) and then had an early menopause and couldn't conceive a second so adopted my cousin (a girl ). I would have thought after her experience she more than most would understand that each child is a blessing regardless of their gender.

I guess I just have to develop some stock response to this that infers 'piss off and mind your own' but isn't as offensive

OP posts:
FourLittleDucks · 27/07/2010 18:19

I've just had fourth daughter, although DD2 died so only have 3 girls to show off, and I've been quite amused by all the comments.

I was delighted to find out that DD4 was a DD. I think there is something really special about the camaraderie of single sex families !

I think I might have felt differently if DH had really been hankering after a boy, but as it is we're both very content.

But to many (yes, perhaps its the older generation who seem to comment !), having our littlest must have been a great disappointment.

And I do understand that there are actually quite a lot of people who are sad that they only have boys or only have girls, but people shouldn't assume that as the precedent !

I don't think its necessarily a boy thing - we get it all the time too.

missmapp · 27/07/2010 18:20

when people say this to me , i always say

its a good thing they are boys as I cant do plaits!!

Tends to raise a smile and stops me worrying about it, people dont mean anything negative, they just think that everyone wants what they would want.
You love your 3 boys, they know that, tha is all that matters!

LuluF · 27/07/2010 18:31

We got after our DS was born (after 2 girls) 'You'll be stopping now you've finally got your boy, then'.

Grrrrrrrrr.

DetectivePotato · 27/07/2010 19:11

YANBU. I have found that there does seem to be more negativity towards boys, with the whole expectation that they are more difficult. I have actually found the opposite to be true tbh.

Horntail 13 children! Wow. I would love a massive family but it will never happen.

thesecondcoming · 27/07/2010 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justaboutblowingbubbles · 27/07/2010 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

forehead · 27/07/2010 19:16

Take no notice, people always find something to say.
I had two girls then a boy. Relatives still ask me when i am going to give my son a brother.

lady007pink · 27/07/2010 19:16

I hate that comment "you've got your hands full!"

I have one boy and 2 girls and I've been asked "Will you try for a second boy". No thank you, I'm happy with my lot.

mrsmindcontrol · 27/07/2010 19:23

I've got 3 boys under 5 and get this all the time too. Drives me mental, i tell thee. I bumped into mum of a friend of mine just after we'd had scan with DS3 & discovered that he was a he. Her words to me was that she was 'so sorry to hear my bad news' and was at great pains to tell me how terrible it was! WTF??!!

curlyredhead · 27/07/2010 19:27

I have had exactly that comment too about my three - only mine are all girls. So you do get it for girls too. Mine was from a granny generation person too (my granny, I mean, at least late 70s).

I get the hands full all the time too, does get boring....

slushy · 27/07/2010 19:29

I hate it when people perceive you to be as shallow as them it says more about her than you op don't worry.

Lulumaam · 27/07/2010 19:33

people do say trite and silly stuff all the time, about any mix of genders and numbers of DCs

I have two, a DS and a DD

so many comments on how clever we were, and 'ooh you won't want any more ( we didn't, but i would have been more incliend to go for a 3rd if i'd have had a second boy, i would have liked a gang of 3 boys.... )

i know someone who had 2 DSs, ,a miscarriage, and then got pregnant again and found out was having DS3, was thrilled.. and peopel were comiserating with her

i think it is thoughtless and vile really, the notion that 3 the same is somehow a sadness

although i know people who wil keep having babies until theu've had a DC of the sex they want

mumbar · 27/07/2010 19:37

I had friends 2 dds today and I have 1 ds walking along an elderly couple commented how well they were behaving (sharing an unbrella in an unexpected downpour!) and then said how old are they. I said 5 nearly 6 and nearly 7 (true!) she then said oh was the 3rd planned . I presume she meant that obviosly as I had 1 of each close together why did I have a 3rd!!! Just said yes and carried on

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