to have changed my mind too?

[SleepySheep]

My DH has come home from work stating that he is now going to go part-time in September instead of giving up completely to look after our DS.

We always agreed that when we had children one of us would give up work to look after them. Because I earn more and have further to go in my career, it was decided that I should go back full-time.

DH won't even consider us both working part-time.

The idea of putting my DS into childcare 1-2 days a week just makes me want to cry. I don't want other people - including DH - to be spending more time a week with my DS.

How do other people cope?

oh dear

how old is your DS?

FWIW I'm a SAHM by choice but I don't think 2 days a week is that bad really. however it really is how you both feel about it that counts. you need to just sit down and have a really good chat. work out all the available options.

I think it is unfair to say you don't want your DH to spend more time with your DS.

Why won't your DH consider you both working pt? Why is he allowed to make a decision like that and you are not.

I think 1 or 2 days of childcare will not harm your DS. It is hard that you don't want to leave your DS, but your only other choiceis for you to give up work if that is feasible.

He's 8 months now, so will be nearly 11months when I go back to work.

I do want to work again, have missed being 'me' instead of 'mummy' but the thought of not spending time with him hurts

Why won't he agree to you going part time? And surely you have a say in this as well?

It's not that I don't want DH to spend time with DS at all. But I will see my son the same amount of time as Nanny and the nursery which I think is a shame.

He wants me fulltime so that when we have our second child I'll get full maternity pay - which does make sense

SS you'll be OK! I am guessing you are on maternity leave. When you are on Mat Leave the idea is TERRIBLE and actually, when you start work, all is fine. You will adjust your routines to get used to it.

but onto the issue, millions of children are very very happily in childcare, you are lucky that your kid gets time with their Dad, even PT

I can see the logic

DH keeps his hand in at career
You keep career going, then get Mat Leave with DC2

then, if needs be you can decide that one gives up?

try not to get too emotional and see it practically. 1-2 days in childcare in very little. and dont forget that babies fast become toddlers. Trust me when they are older you WANT them in a nursery environemtn as they can socialise etc, its more fun for them than being at home

thank you porcamiseria. I know it makes sense, and I know he'll be fine. Sure its just my hormones!!

OP, look at it this way. Your DC will spend somwhere between 8-16 hours a week in a lovely nursery or childminder, socialising with other children, doing activities (like massive paintings just in their nappies, no way that was happening in my home) and having a lovely time.

There are 168 hours in the week which even if you take out DC sleeping leaves 70 hours which they will spend with you or your DH.

YANBU because I have been in exactly the same place as you. Can you look at flexible working - I do full-time hours but in a compressed week so I get every other Friday off? Or if you can stretch to it - you can request part-time now and then go back to full time later? The flexible working thing goes until they are 6 and there is no limit on how often you can change it.

Can you change your hours for e.g do three 12 hour day's so that you can work on the days when your dp is off and take care of your DS on the other 4 days.

You're all going to hate me now, cause I'm a secondary school teacher so roughly every 6 weeks I'll have a week with him.

But with parents evenings and things there will be days where I won't see him at all.

Sleepy, I can see that it's logical that you stay fulltime, but it's not what you want. And I think it's totally out of order that your husband has decided unilaterally that he's going to go part-time despite you agreeing that he'd give up, and yet his decision about what you do is adhered to. He can't make both decisions.

FWIW, my husband and I agreed a certain setup, with me working four days and him doing a PhD and three days of childcare - my mother picked up the last day. Then she decided she couldn't cope after a certain time because of her back problem, he decided he couldn't cope at 9mo because our daughter was mobile, so we put her in daycare two days, and now (at 20 mo) I've decided I can't cope with four days and am dropping a day.

Plans are necessarily fluid, is what i'm trying to say. But if you can't bear to go back fulltime, and it won't ruin your career entirely to go back part time - don't let your husband dictate the terms.

You are not being selfish, you will enjoy your holidays all the more. Look on Nursery etc. as beneficial social interaction for your son. Let your dh work p/t, he will probably be much happier and you will have regular holidays with your lo to enjoy.

Nothing about having a bay is logical . yes it is logical that you would give up work but when there are raging hormones it is hard to do the logical thing. but I still think you and your DH should discuss this further as you are not happy.

I found it very hard to adjust to being a mum and being at home to the point where I wanted to go back to work.....now I've got a matter of weeks left, I've got into the swing of it!!

I just want to do everything

its sods law

I think the first few months of mat leave can be GRIM. once you get into it, back to work!

now I know you have all those holidays you will be fine!

very normal to feel like this tho

Unless money is really tight, I don't think his argument about you not working PT so that you can get full maternity pay makes sense.

If you go back 4 days a week you will only earn 20% less on your mat leave - and when you are off, he can go back to full time hours.

I can completely understand why you would not want to be away 5 days a week. I do 4 days and that makes a huge difference and my day off is my favourite day of the week. If you possibly can financially, I think you should put your perfectly understandable desire not to be away from your child all week before the need to maximise maternity pay.

(Kids do generally love their childcare though - it's not selfish of you to go back full time if that's what you end up doing).